Disrefuckinguard this post.

Nov 16, 2004 09:07

...haha best word ever :)
credited to Kt.

it is amazing how differently two people can feel about something....
im tired of hurting people. i really am. its bringing me back to those icky icky sad feelings.
i need to stop dating, cos i know that we'll never be friends. and i stil cant understand how you can allow yourself to get so close to someone and then just say fuck it all and not be able to be friends... i understand the awkwardness, but at the same time i just dont feel it. i feel it cos he does. maybe im missing some emotions. who knows. lord knows i dont need anymore emotions in me right now.
ive turned into such a little whore. and im only affecting the nice guys. goddamn, why cant i be a bitch to some assholes instead. why cant we just be friends... and why cant i say no.
in the past year, little over a year now.... ive been single maybe 2 weeks. with 3 different guys. and they overlap. that just does not sound right. and if they dont understand, if im doing something wrong. why wont they come out and say it? no more of this macho, oh i dont care, bullshit.
i kinda wish i didnt like him as much as i do.... but then. id still be leading brian on. and that is so fucking wrong. i dont think he understands what i was doing. i dont think i ever fully explained myself. its so hard to come clean. i really dont want things to be shitty between us. hes an awesome guy, just not in that sense for me...
fucking shit goddamn motherfucking hell......
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