(no subject)
So its been a while, huh?...
I feel like i need to update, instead of bothering everyone directly, this way you have the choice of ignoring me :)
I feel like im going insane. i havent been taking good care of myself at all. For the most part, things are wonderful, but some things are just fucking me over. Getting involved with a boy who is going thru the same relationship aftermath bullshit... trying to subconsciously kill myself (i have no fucking clue why i cant stop getting sick...), and lately ive just not been feeling right. i cant figure out why.
Im getting closer to figuring out what i want... but its still not making a lot of sense. i want the freedom in the relationship, but i also want the intensity. if that makes any sense. thouht about that today when he left, i want someone around all the time....until i get sick of them. :) but then i also want to be able to do whatever. but i cant have both. I am the ultimate emo kid this week.
Cant drink alcohol cos it fucks with my head in so many ways. cant eat bread cos it fucks with... me. cant fuck the boys cos i get attatched. haha. i havent fucked anyone yet. i swear.
starting to miss a few aspects of home. i am so glad miranda is coming out. way excited. but i dont miss random text mesages, cos i know whats going to happen if i call. its no good. i cant get back into that group. i swear i love you Ln, but i dont think i can handle being a good friend of yours. i dont even know what that means to you...there needs to be a major drama reduction around here. its no good.
i need to make more doctor appointments. and i feel bad for involving everyone... i dont want to worry anyone. and i know i talk about it way too much, but it scares me. and i dont want to have to rely on people to make sure im ok... i do appreciate everything that everyones done, just being my friends. i love you guys. i swear im not drunk. just a little off at the moment... i think i need to get out today. maybe ill go to the park. but i need to get shit done. sigh.
happy birthday mommy.
i hope everyone who had a birthday this weekend had an amazing time, i know i did :)
<3<3
I feel like i need to update, instead of bothering everyone directly, this way you have the choice of ignoring me :)
I feel like im going insane. i havent been taking good care of myself at all. For the most part, things are wonderful, but some things are just fucking me over. Getting involved with a boy who is going thru the same relationship aftermath bullshit... trying to subconsciously kill myself (i have no fucking clue why i cant stop getting sick...), and lately ive just not been feeling right. i cant figure out why.
Im getting closer to figuring out what i want... but its still not making a lot of sense. i want the freedom in the relationship, but i also want the intensity. if that makes any sense. thouht about that today when he left, i want someone around all the time....until i get sick of them. :) but then i also want to be able to do whatever. but i cant have both. I am the ultimate emo kid this week.
Cant drink alcohol cos it fucks with my head in so many ways. cant eat bread cos it fucks with... me. cant fuck the boys cos i get attatched. haha. i havent fucked anyone yet. i swear.
starting to miss a few aspects of home. i am so glad miranda is coming out. way excited. but i dont miss random text mesages, cos i know whats going to happen if i call. its no good. i cant get back into that group. i swear i love you Ln, but i dont think i can handle being a good friend of yours. i dont even know what that means to you...there needs to be a major drama reduction around here. its no good.
i need to make more doctor appointments. and i feel bad for involving everyone... i dont want to worry anyone. and i know i talk about it way too much, but it scares me. and i dont want to have to rely on people to make sure im ok... i do appreciate everything that everyones done, just being my friends. i love you guys. i swear im not drunk. just a little off at the moment... i think i need to get out today. maybe ill go to the park. but i need to get shit done. sigh.
happy birthday mommy.
i hope everyone who had a birthday this weekend had an amazing time, i know i did :)
<3<3