daily thoughts
I wrote this a while ago. I'm transfering it here to save it.
I think sometimes and it makes me sad. I don't know why.Thoughts of love turn to ash and fly away. I should not feel this, I should be glad. I have a woman who says she loves me. I know this is supposed to feel good. I feel like I have no connection to her, it's like we are not even there. I see her from a distance, from a long way away. Like a memory, that you have to concentrate to recall. She used to be close, I have pushed her away.
I killed the part of her, that loved me true. With so many words, that were all lies. For so long this is what said to myself I wanted. Isn't it what I wanted? I wanted to be free, live how I wanted without care. What is being happy? I sometimes wish that I could erase all memory, all feelings. Would that make better or worse?
I have this feeling in my chest, it feels like how a burnt can looks after a forest fire, charred, empty and forgotten. Some parts are still shiny, but no one cares. It's been used for what it was worth a long time ago and long since discarded.
I wish I could go back to not caring, it would be easier. If I could have just been brave enough to just let her go.
Am I worse off for caring? Would I have been better leaving her alone?
Is she worse with me?
Do I really deserve her love and respect, when I have shown her neither?
If I won't stand up for myself, why won't I stand up to protect my family?
Posted via m.livejournal.com.
I think sometimes and it makes me sad. I don't know why.Thoughts of love turn to ash and fly away. I should not feel this, I should be glad. I have a woman who says she loves me. I know this is supposed to feel good. I feel like I have no connection to her, it's like we are not even there. I see her from a distance, from a long way away. Like a memory, that you have to concentrate to recall. She used to be close, I have pushed her away.
I killed the part of her, that loved me true. With so many words, that were all lies. For so long this is what said to myself I wanted. Isn't it what I wanted? I wanted to be free, live how I wanted without care. What is being happy? I sometimes wish that I could erase all memory, all feelings. Would that make better or worse?
I have this feeling in my chest, it feels like how a burnt can looks after a forest fire, charred, empty and forgotten. Some parts are still shiny, but no one cares. It's been used for what it was worth a long time ago and long since discarded.
I wish I could go back to not caring, it would be easier. If I could have just been brave enough to just let her go.
Am I worse off for caring? Would I have been better leaving her alone?
Is she worse with me?
Do I really deserve her love and respect, when I have shown her neither?
If I won't stand up for myself, why won't I stand up to protect my family?
Posted via m.livejournal.com.