Day 400 and Something
It has been awhile, hasn't it?
Tonight at school, we were trading massages. I asked one of my fellow classmates if it would be ok if I went first. She looked a little doubtful, but consented. Normally, I don't make requests like this, but it's been a rough go the last couple of months, and it's been a really long time since I've had some good touch. So, I told her so. Her response, "We've ALL had a rough last couple of months." Really? I didn't imply any of my frustration or annoyance at her general lack of sensitivity regarding where I've been lately, and later I was reminded that it's not right to compare my own suffering to the suffering of those around me. But still, I think her comment offset the entire massage. I couldn't help thinking that she didn't want to be my partner after that and I think I feel worse now than I did when we started.
As I predicted in my last entry, I virtually had no summer to speak of. There were many weekends that I spent traveling, this much is true. But mostly it involved driving back and forth to Helena, which is where Jon was living up until the beginning of August. And even after that, I think we went to Helena 2 or 3 weekends in August. It was all balanced around my weekend school schedule, of course, but mainly I was just trying to keep up the "relationship time" that our marriage needs and see my family every once in awhile. I did get to go to Seattle for a week though, and that was pretty much THE BEST thing I've done in awhile. So, so, so good to be surrounded by friends and to feel nostalgic for where I used to live.
Meanwhile, back on the homestead...
I continue to fail in health, energy and want to do much of anything. I should back up and say that in June, I went to the doctor and found out that I was missing as much as a third of my blood supply, which accounts for the lack of energy and the constant flu like symptoms. Then I went to the girl doctor a week after that and she put me back on birth control to regulate things, which after 3 months, I can honestly say didn't work at all. Three weeks ago, I went back in for a follow up appointment and found out that I have a grapefruit size tumor (or fibroid, in medical land) growing in my uterus. Which makes sense, since I have been crippled for one week of every month for awhile now. Anyway, this little friend of mine requires quite a surgery and there is, of course, a very slim but also probable possibility that things in the surrounding areas may be damaged and I may not gain back my full reproductive function. I have come to terms with all of this, but I'm quite afraid that my insurance (which just so happened to kick in one week after my first appointment) will not cover any of the medical costs. Can I just say that I don't believe in the self-appointed, for profit insurance companies of America? Sure, they help out some people...mainly the healthy ones who don't need it. I'm seriously thinking about moving to France. Free healthcare for everyone! Yeah, yeah, yeah...all you republicans out there can give me your little speeches on how government funded healthcare will lead to the decline of our doctors, facilities and space, but I personally don't believe it. (Anyway, not to jump to far into a political hot button....sheesh). I'm just really feeling the ramifications of the financial aspect of actually being sick. Nothing like $10,000 in medical debt to make you say, "Oh, I feel so good about life!" Lo, do you think you can pull some strings at BCBS for me? Just kidding.
In other news, one month exactly until I graduate. Almost two months exactly until I get surgery. And two months and 2 days until we move back to Helena for good. In the meantime, Jeremy is coming from Florida! (hooray!) Halloween is in 20 days and there is going to be a rockin' concert and halloween party to follow. I still haven't decided what I want to be though. Need to put some more thought into that. Tomorrow I am going to my friend Tyson's house so he can take pictures of me. (Umm...I guess that sounds dirty...but it's not supposed to be.) He's quite the photographer though, and I posed one other time for him. This time around he will be entering a contest, and if he wins, a picture of my face will be submitted into several magazines. I should be doing a facial mask or something right about now. What if he actually wins? Crazy.
Well, off to bed for me. Good rant. Good rant.
Tonight at school, we were trading massages. I asked one of my fellow classmates if it would be ok if I went first. She looked a little doubtful, but consented. Normally, I don't make requests like this, but it's been a rough go the last couple of months, and it's been a really long time since I've had some good touch. So, I told her so. Her response, "We've ALL had a rough last couple of months." Really? I didn't imply any of my frustration or annoyance at her general lack of sensitivity regarding where I've been lately, and later I was reminded that it's not right to compare my own suffering to the suffering of those around me. But still, I think her comment offset the entire massage. I couldn't help thinking that she didn't want to be my partner after that and I think I feel worse now than I did when we started.
As I predicted in my last entry, I virtually had no summer to speak of. There were many weekends that I spent traveling, this much is true. But mostly it involved driving back and forth to Helena, which is where Jon was living up until the beginning of August. And even after that, I think we went to Helena 2 or 3 weekends in August. It was all balanced around my weekend school schedule, of course, but mainly I was just trying to keep up the "relationship time" that our marriage needs and see my family every once in awhile. I did get to go to Seattle for a week though, and that was pretty much THE BEST thing I've done in awhile. So, so, so good to be surrounded by friends and to feel nostalgic for where I used to live.
Meanwhile, back on the homestead...
I continue to fail in health, energy and want to do much of anything. I should back up and say that in June, I went to the doctor and found out that I was missing as much as a third of my blood supply, which accounts for the lack of energy and the constant flu like symptoms. Then I went to the girl doctor a week after that and she put me back on birth control to regulate things, which after 3 months, I can honestly say didn't work at all. Three weeks ago, I went back in for a follow up appointment and found out that I have a grapefruit size tumor (or fibroid, in medical land) growing in my uterus. Which makes sense, since I have been crippled for one week of every month for awhile now. Anyway, this little friend of mine requires quite a surgery and there is, of course, a very slim but also probable possibility that things in the surrounding areas may be damaged and I may not gain back my full reproductive function. I have come to terms with all of this, but I'm quite afraid that my insurance (which just so happened to kick in one week after my first appointment) will not cover any of the medical costs. Can I just say that I don't believe in the self-appointed, for profit insurance companies of America? Sure, they help out some people...mainly the healthy ones who don't need it. I'm seriously thinking about moving to France. Free healthcare for everyone! Yeah, yeah, yeah...all you republicans out there can give me your little speeches on how government funded healthcare will lead to the decline of our doctors, facilities and space, but I personally don't believe it. (Anyway, not to jump to far into a political hot button....sheesh). I'm just really feeling the ramifications of the financial aspect of actually being sick. Nothing like $10,000 in medical debt to make you say, "Oh, I feel so good about life!" Lo, do you think you can pull some strings at BCBS for me? Just kidding.
In other news, one month exactly until I graduate. Almost two months exactly until I get surgery. And two months and 2 days until we move back to Helena for good. In the meantime, Jeremy is coming from Florida! (hooray!) Halloween is in 20 days and there is going to be a rockin' concert and halloween party to follow. I still haven't decided what I want to be though. Need to put some more thought into that. Tomorrow I am going to my friend Tyson's house so he can take pictures of me. (Umm...I guess that sounds dirty...but it's not supposed to be.) He's quite the photographer though, and I posed one other time for him. This time around he will be entering a contest, and if he wins, a picture of my face will be submitted into several magazines. I should be doing a facial mask or something right about now. What if he actually wins? Crazy.
Well, off to bed for me. Good rant. Good rant.