Actual Letter Sent to the NFL
Dear Commissioner,
How long do you expect to keep your job when you allow deplorable coverage of the sport like that found on NBC; specifically Sunday Night Football. NBC's coverage is amateurish, bush league, and contains Pink (the pop star). There is nothing remotely footballesque about Pink, unless you want to look closely at her face, which on occasion may resemble the laced side of the football, but really, who wants to do that?
Mr. Commissioner, lets be honest with ourselves: NBC is making a mockery of this great sport and the NFL brand. In one week, they've missed two touchdowns due to commercial breaks, and sucked all the life out of a marquee matchup by alternatively confusing the audience with a female Hank Williams Jr. impersonator and the Star Wars Soundtrack (note: John Williams hasn't made anything original since Indiana Jones. Roethlisberger interceptions should not be confused with Imperial invasions.)
In closing, dear Commish, I implore you to flex your executive muscle and make football watchable past 8pm on the east coast. Perhaps the best way to go about this is to encourage NBC to end their bombastic and annoying presentation of the NFL product. It would also be nice if the NBC team didn't have to balance their notes on their knees like a bunch of college students. For gods sakes, analysts need a desk to be taken seriously.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Sincerely,
X