You're still here?
.... 2011-05-22 06:00. I notice that they're still here. Yes, them.
I was told that they'd be leaving, but they're incontestably still around, looking vacant and disappointed at the same time (which is normal for them... although I'm sure some of them are a little more slack-jawed than usual this morning).
Thus, I'm forced to draw the conclusion that the rapture has actually happened, all of us of us rational people were passed over and are now, in fact, in hell. The Christians are, of course, demons sent to torment us as per their orders from Satan.
Now, before you write me off as a delirious prat, Consider the case for that being the state of affairs:
- there's an Evangelical Christian occupying the Office of Prime Minister of Canada, effectuating policies which marr our quality of life;
- religious organisations are still picking all of our pockets as per their special "tax-exempt" status;
- those repugnant street-corner preachers are still outside of the Toronto Eaton Centre, intruding on people's daily routines;
- it's still illegal to pre-emptively pacify* the aformentioned preachers;
- those bells at the church down the street from me are still going to be going off like a slow-motion alarm clock very shortly, blighting a perfectly good morning like mould growing on a strawberry.
Yes, that must be it then: this is actually hell.
After all, the only other possible conclusion is that they were wildly incorrect in all of their assumptions and calculations, and he was pretty adamant that he had his numbers correct... so that can't be it, now can it?
I'm going to have fun making this case to anyone I run into who actually thought yesterday was it.
Next time don't take the doomsayers seriously, suckers. People have been predicting the end since the beginning, and the predictions have always said more about the person making the prediction than they have about the world the predictions are being made about (except for predictions made during a brief period known as the Cold War). The overwhelming majority of the doomsayers are crazy, and at least a few of them are violent as well.
If this guy looks legit to you, you may want to re-evaluate your ability to judge a person's character.
Mocking Christians with the "This is hell" routine will more than make up for the aggravation I feel when I remember that we're going to have to do this all again next year when the 2012ers start up.
Now, where are my headphones? I've gotta get some music playing before the church bells start.
* = in this context, the same way animal-control officers would pacify a rabid wolf.