D/S
I’ve realized why relationships never work out for me. I try to be dominate in my life but it’s all just a front, I'm truly deep down submissive and in all my relationships I’ve been forced to be the dominate one. I need to be topped, I am right now in my life at a place where I need a top, I’m Zane from the Anita Blake novels (minus the piercing and weird hair and such). I can try to be dominate and act like it, but it’s nothing but a front and in the end I fail at it.
No matter how hard I try I can’t change what I am and how I feel, I’ve tried, I've tried my fucking hardest to be to dominate one and I can’t it doesn’t feel right and in the end it doesn’t work. It’s why I always am drawn to strong characters in TV shows and Movies. Characters like Faith [BTVS] Shalimar Fox [Mutant X] Jill Valentine and Alice Abernathy [resident Evil (Games and movies] and Chris Sanchez [SWAT] Tenel Ka [Star Wars].
And this is also the reason the women in my life I hate the most are the ones that I crave and need, or at least their type. Tiffany is the biggest example, she did more damage to me without ever us even dating or anything, just because she is what I need or her type, the dominate one, the top, the aggressive one. I need that aggressiveness that's the key for me I guess I need a woman who won’t hesitate to get in my face and tell me that I’m being fucking stupid when it needs to be said, whereas all the woman, girls, females I’ve dated are to pacifistic and sit there and argue a bit but give in mere seconds later and let me do as I please. Now I’m not saying I want a dominatrix and want to wear a collar and leash but I need someone who can back me down and top me.
This someone I have so far failed to find....is it me or am i just looking for a type of woman that doesn’t exist in the real world?
No matter how hard I try I can’t change what I am and how I feel, I’ve tried, I've tried my fucking hardest to be to dominate one and I can’t it doesn’t feel right and in the end it doesn’t work. It’s why I always am drawn to strong characters in TV shows and Movies. Characters like Faith [BTVS] Shalimar Fox [Mutant X] Jill Valentine and Alice Abernathy [resident Evil (Games and movies] and Chris Sanchez [SWAT] Tenel Ka [Star Wars].
And this is also the reason the women in my life I hate the most are the ones that I crave and need, or at least their type. Tiffany is the biggest example, she did more damage to me without ever us even dating or anything, just because she is what I need or her type, the dominate one, the top, the aggressive one. I need that aggressiveness that's the key for me I guess I need a woman who won’t hesitate to get in my face and tell me that I’m being fucking stupid when it needs to be said, whereas all the woman, girls, females I’ve dated are to pacifistic and sit there and argue a bit but give in mere seconds later and let me do as I please. Now I’m not saying I want a dominatrix and want to wear a collar and leash but I need someone who can back me down and top me.
This someone I have so far failed to find....is it me or am i just looking for a type of woman that doesn’t exist in the real world?