Top Ten Films of 2007

[steedizzie]

This year’s selection process has occupied in my mind real estate equal to that of a small duplex or a middling condominium for the better part of the last month.  Last year, it felt as if my list just fell together easily in the course of a single afternoon, as I turned in my chair and crossed off choices until ten remained.  I could, of course

Comments

[maximumfish]

First off, i firmly believe that a person's preferences in something so subjective as film quality or whether or not spaghetti is better than lasagna are every bit as valid as any other's. It's all a matter of opinion. There are people who feel otherwise, but they are actually retarded, and more importantly have provided no evidence to support their dissent. That all said, The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Harrison Ford was the the lamest piece of boring, pretentious, different-is-art shitty filmmaking i've unfortunately been made to suffer through since The New World.

The two had so much in common; no overarching themes, plot or sense of direction, long, meandering and mind-atrophyingly dull progression, talky Falkner-esque voiceover nonsense that sounds like it was written by a self-pitying creative writing student on a steady diet of James Joyce-infected found poety stream of conscious bullshit snobbery, zero likeable characters, zero honest-to-god portrayels of real human emotions, and a grand total of zero redeeming qualities.

Tally this all together and you get a piece of shit so dense, the shit nuclei have compressed together into s single, collassal nucleus of shit whose immense gravimetric distortion pulls other shit from the far reaches of spacetime to add their unique contributions to it's collapsed core of shittiness. I hate it. I hated them. Both of them.

I hated them both so much, i would drive over the director's faces in a car made out of chainsaws, and then violate their eye sockets with corroded rods of radioactive isotopes. Kevin J. Anderson writes books he wishes were movies, these guys make movies they wish were books. Writing a book is a lot easier than making a movie. Writing a shitty book is perhaps the easiest thing in the world to do. Go do that, i would suggest, and don't waste my motherfucking time with sub-Uwe Boll crapfests that make a night in Dachau seem a pleasant alternative.

Ahh, I feel so much better now... Ratatouilli was awesome, No Country for Old Geezers was technically proficient, but depressing and not all that fun to watch, Stardust was also awesome, I didn't see Michael Clayton because the Cloonster makes my skin crawl, and i didn't see There Will be Blood, but i guess i should. Agree with Tyler, The Kingdom was also very good. Sunshine was too.