(no subject)
Title: Take My Advice
Pairing: Britney/Jaejoong
Rating: pg-13
Lost a bet with gashiwaku and I had to write crack fic of her choice and this is what happened.
Jaejoong plopped down into the chair across from Britney's at the food court, he looked glum.
"Whassa matter?" Britney asked, poking a fry into his mouth.
Jaejoong groaned, "Something weird's going on between us again."
Britney rolled her eyes, "If he's talking to your cock again I'm telling you, it's perfectly normal."
"No no it's not that it just..." Jaejoong looked down, slightly panicked.
Britney realized that Jaejoong was genuinely worried, she softened. "Something doesn't feel right?"
Jaejoong nodded.
Britney leaned closer. "What's he doing? Is he ignoring you? Did you two argue?"
Jaejoong bit his lip, he stole Britney's milkshake and sipped on it.
"Quit eating my food fatass, and spit it out."
"You were feeding me five seconds ago!"
Britney glared at him. "Quit stalling and tell me."
Jaejoong frowned again. "It's just... when he's inside me, it's feels... uncomfortable, something's not right. I think he feels it too. I think there's something wrong with me. I'm wondering if I should get checked out."
"How old is your lube?" Britney asked, plain as day.
Jaejoong was taken slightly aback, but he figured she knew better than he did about this sort of thing. "About six years?"
"Oh my god boy what are you doing with six year old lube, no wonder you're having issues."
"Well you see, we were in Beijing, and there was this sale..."
"Six year old, cheap, CHINESE lube to boot."
"Now that i'm thinking about it the times we've gone without it's been fin-"
"Not in public my god Jae." Britney shushed, massaging the bridge of her nose. "C'mon let's go buy you some fancy scented 'massage oil' ".
~*~
"Why is lube so expensive?!?!" Jaejong asked, scandalized.
"Because it's not chinese."
"Whatever, does this come in bulk because this size ain't gonna last very long."
"How often do you two fuck Jesus Christ don't answer that." Britney massaged her nose again.
"Enough to only be able to afford cheap bulk chinese lube let's just say."
Britney recommended Jaejoong some brands and he smelled all 26 flavors until he settled on "climax kiss strawberry" and "melty chocolate euphoria."
~*~
1 week later.
Jaejoong met Britney for coffee, he sat down across from her, eyes bloodshot and a smug smile on his face.
"...So?" She prodded.
"We need to go buy more."
"Already? What... don't answer that either."
"He dumped the entire tube of chocolate lube on me the first night, ruined the sheets, and put a hole in the headboard."
"Oh my god you guys are such nymphomaniacs."
"It's okay, there's still 24 more flavors."
Pairing: Britney/Jaejoong
Rating: pg-13
Lost a bet with gashiwaku and I had to write crack fic of her choice and this is what happened.
Jaejoong plopped down into the chair across from Britney's at the food court, he looked glum.
"Whassa matter?" Britney asked, poking a fry into his mouth.
Jaejoong groaned, "Something weird's going on between us again."
Britney rolled her eyes, "If he's talking to your cock again I'm telling you, it's perfectly normal."
"No no it's not that it just..." Jaejoong looked down, slightly panicked.
Britney realized that Jaejoong was genuinely worried, she softened. "Something doesn't feel right?"
Jaejoong nodded.
Britney leaned closer. "What's he doing? Is he ignoring you? Did you two argue?"
Jaejoong bit his lip, he stole Britney's milkshake and sipped on it.
"Quit eating my food fatass, and spit it out."
"You were feeding me five seconds ago!"
Britney glared at him. "Quit stalling and tell me."
Jaejoong frowned again. "It's just... when he's inside me, it's feels... uncomfortable, something's not right. I think he feels it too. I think there's something wrong with me. I'm wondering if I should get checked out."
"How old is your lube?" Britney asked, plain as day.
Jaejoong was taken slightly aback, but he figured she knew better than he did about this sort of thing. "About six years?"
"Oh my god boy what are you doing with six year old lube, no wonder you're having issues."
"Well you see, we were in Beijing, and there was this sale..."
"Six year old, cheap, CHINESE lube to boot."
"Now that i'm thinking about it the times we've gone without it's been fin-"
"Not in public my god Jae." Britney shushed, massaging the bridge of her nose. "C'mon let's go buy you some fancy scented 'massage oil' ".
~*~
"Why is lube so expensive?!?!" Jaejong asked, scandalized.
"Because it's not chinese."
"Whatever, does this come in bulk because this size ain't gonna last very long."
"How often do you two fuck Jesus Christ don't answer that." Britney massaged her nose again.
"Enough to only be able to afford cheap bulk chinese lube let's just say."
Britney recommended Jaejoong some brands and he smelled all 26 flavors until he settled on "climax kiss strawberry" and "melty chocolate euphoria."
~*~
1 week later.
Jaejoong met Britney for coffee, he sat down across from her, eyes bloodshot and a smug smile on his face.
"...So?" She prodded.
"We need to go buy more."
"Already? What... don't answer that either."
"He dumped the entire tube of chocolate lube on me the first night, ruined the sheets, and put a hole in the headboard."
"Oh my god you guys are such nymphomaniacs."
"It's okay, there's still 24 more flavors."