Guerras Perdidas_Part 4 (The conclusion I hope)
What do you do when you've lost the war?
What's left when there's nothing to do?
When the fight is over and you've lost, how do you say goodbye?
♥
10. Kiss Taylor
9. Open a Cafe
8. Write a book, because everyone wants to
7. Go on a cruise
6. Go to a rave
5. Learn to dance the tango
4. Marry and have children
3. Visit the south of France with someone I love ♥
2. Get a cat
1. Go to Paris, France
She'd felt everything else, so this must be the part where she was depressed and feeling like the world was coming to an end, but the sad truth was it wasn't the world that was ending so much as it was Samantha who was ending in a world that would keep going on without her. She'd felt the "It's not fucking fair!" despair of realizing that everything would not come to a grinding halt just because she was not around anymore. Samantha had wanted to lash out at everyone and scream and she had thrown and shattered a lot of her things. She had gone through the whole process of grieving her death. Her mother did not know it but a lot of her things were already boxed and put away and separated for the Salvation Army what she wanted such and such a person to have.
In all fairness there weren't too many affairs for a sixteen year old to put in order before her death. Nothing like life insurances, or equities or real estate or anything like that. Most of what she had to deal with had to do with her heart. That's why she had skipped school today. For no apparent reason, likely because she couldn't talk to her parents about it she had decided that the best thing to do was to see Nana. It had been a while since she'd seen the old girl anyways. So she skipped school and took a bus downtown walked a few blocks and found the convalescent home. Nana hadn't been herself since the onslaught of Alzheimers. Still, one could hope to find her Nana there sometimes. She could never tell her she was dying but if some other part of her were there ... they'd had chats before that were pretty interesting like polite strangers. There had been instances where Nana had gone off the deep end, asking for her baby ... a child now grown to be Samantha's mother. On scary days like that she would just go away and lose herself in the city. "There was a lot of pain in the world," Samantha thought to herself, perhaps it would be a blessing to leaving it. Times like that she would think of herself as already gone and come back to see the world of the living from the perspective of the departed.
The uncertainty of it all scared her the most. It would be the absolute culmination of tragedy if she died and nothing came after. Just to cease to be would be horrific. One instant you're awake and alive and you see and touch and feel everything and the next, it's as if you go to sleep and you never awaken and you never dream. Perhaps for some that was a comfort but for herself no. She'd lived a life, there were things she wanted to tell people, there were things she wanted to see and experience, her wisdom passed on, her memories come back and revisited. For it all to just die and turn to dust was not only stupidly the ultimate unfairness but also just out of the question. There had to be something else after death, but what?
The building was short, only one story, and it spread out like a welcoming hug the buildings spread out in a u shape, surrounded by well tended shrubs and grass, the front entrance even had a porch with swings and tables with chairs so that people could sit and visit with family. All the rooms had large windows to let the sun pour in and the brick red colors shone brightly but nothing could make the convalescent center welcoming or even pleasant. It looked like a correctional facility or some kind of mental ward out of an old movie only missing the bars across the windows. Indeed, more than one cuckoo had flown over this nest.
The people behind the glass doors to the office area all looked busy and those few who did bother to look up only did so to spare her a look as if to say, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't your parents be with you?" Samantha wanted very much to flip them off. She walked over to the Nurses' station where a faux friendly nurse greeted her. Samantha knew the good nurses from the bad ones, she'd been there before. There were those who genuinely did their job with love, and those who wanted nothing more than to be as far away from the place as possible. Some of them wore expressions of anger, and others false kindness. It wasn't easy to disguise, the manner in which they treated the patients easily gave them away. If they were attentive and genuinely interested it would show in their work and the patients treatment of them, if they were lax and mean doing only the minimum required that would show too.
"Hello Nana," Samantha said walking into the room cautiously.
"Oh, hello dear. Have you seen my cat around by any chance?" the old lady asked.
Samantha sighed. She wasn't stark raving mad today at least. Perhaps it was wrong of her to think of her Nana that way, but that was just it, the woman who yelled and threw things refusing to take her medicine was not her Nana.
♥
That's all I've got in me for now ... I will be back and this will be a short story so help me God. When the piece is finished I will cut it and gut it like a fish. Murder your darling's said the dear Mr. James Patrick Kelly one of my favorite sci-fi writers and I will but first my darling must be properly born. So ... until next time dear readers. By that I mean you Debs, you're the only one reading this LOL Oh, and sorry, still no conclusion.
Toodle ooh!
What's left when there's nothing to do?
When the fight is over and you've lost, how do you say goodbye?
♥
10. Kiss Taylor
9. Open a Cafe
8. Write a book, because everyone wants to
7. Go on a cruise
6. Go to a rave
5. Learn to dance the tango
4. Marry and have children
3. Visit the south of France with someone I love ♥
2. Get a cat
1. Go to Paris, France
She'd felt everything else, so this must be the part where she was depressed and feeling like the world was coming to an end, but the sad truth was it wasn't the world that was ending so much as it was Samantha who was ending in a world that would keep going on without her. She'd felt the "It's not fucking fair!" despair of realizing that everything would not come to a grinding halt just because she was not around anymore. Samantha had wanted to lash out at everyone and scream and she had thrown and shattered a lot of her things. She had gone through the whole process of grieving her death. Her mother did not know it but a lot of her things were already boxed and put away and separated for the Salvation Army what she wanted such and such a person to have.
In all fairness there weren't too many affairs for a sixteen year old to put in order before her death. Nothing like life insurances, or equities or real estate or anything like that. Most of what she had to deal with had to do with her heart. That's why she had skipped school today. For no apparent reason, likely because she couldn't talk to her parents about it she had decided that the best thing to do was to see Nana. It had been a while since she'd seen the old girl anyways. So she skipped school and took a bus downtown walked a few blocks and found the convalescent home. Nana hadn't been herself since the onslaught of Alzheimers. Still, one could hope to find her Nana there sometimes. She could never tell her she was dying but if some other part of her were there ... they'd had chats before that were pretty interesting like polite strangers. There had been instances where Nana had gone off the deep end, asking for her baby ... a child now grown to be Samantha's mother. On scary days like that she would just go away and lose herself in the city. "There was a lot of pain in the world," Samantha thought to herself, perhaps it would be a blessing to leaving it. Times like that she would think of herself as already gone and come back to see the world of the living from the perspective of the departed.
The uncertainty of it all scared her the most. It would be the absolute culmination of tragedy if she died and nothing came after. Just to cease to be would be horrific. One instant you're awake and alive and you see and touch and feel everything and the next, it's as if you go to sleep and you never awaken and you never dream. Perhaps for some that was a comfort but for herself no. She'd lived a life, there were things she wanted to tell people, there were things she wanted to see and experience, her wisdom passed on, her memories come back and revisited. For it all to just die and turn to dust was not only stupidly the ultimate unfairness but also just out of the question. There had to be something else after death, but what?
The building was short, only one story, and it spread out like a welcoming hug the buildings spread out in a u shape, surrounded by well tended shrubs and grass, the front entrance even had a porch with swings and tables with chairs so that people could sit and visit with family. All the rooms had large windows to let the sun pour in and the brick red colors shone brightly but nothing could make the convalescent center welcoming or even pleasant. It looked like a correctional facility or some kind of mental ward out of an old movie only missing the bars across the windows. Indeed, more than one cuckoo had flown over this nest.
The people behind the glass doors to the office area all looked busy and those few who did bother to look up only did so to spare her a look as if to say, "What are you doing here? Shouldn't your parents be with you?" Samantha wanted very much to flip them off. She walked over to the Nurses' station where a faux friendly nurse greeted her. Samantha knew the good nurses from the bad ones, she'd been there before. There were those who genuinely did their job with love, and those who wanted nothing more than to be as far away from the place as possible. Some of them wore expressions of anger, and others false kindness. It wasn't easy to disguise, the manner in which they treated the patients easily gave them away. If they were attentive and genuinely interested it would show in their work and the patients treatment of them, if they were lax and mean doing only the minimum required that would show too.
"Hello Nana," Samantha said walking into the room cautiously.
"Oh, hello dear. Have you seen my cat around by any chance?" the old lady asked.
Samantha sighed. She wasn't stark raving mad today at least. Perhaps it was wrong of her to think of her Nana that way, but that was just it, the woman who yelled and threw things refusing to take her medicine was not her Nana.
♥
That's all I've got in me for now ... I will be back and this will be a short story so help me God. When the piece is finished I will cut it and gut it like a fish. Murder your darling's said the dear Mr. James Patrick Kelly one of my favorite sci-fi writers and I will but first my darling must be properly born. So ... until next time dear readers. By that I mean you Debs, you're the only one reading this LOL Oh, and sorry, still no conclusion.
Toodle ooh!