(no subject)
Ok Paige, remember how when we were walking to CooperSmith's earlier I was telling you about how I would just really like it if Will read my email and called me in the next few days and apologized for not calling sooner and explained himself, and that that was all I really wanted from the situation? And remember how you told me not to count on it, and that he might not call ever? And remember how I responded by telling you about my unflinching faith in people, and how I tend to expect greatness from them even when maybe I shouldn't? And how you said that it is unfair to myself and to them to hold people to such high standards? And how I said that I couldn't do otherwise, and that I deserve to hold people to high standards and they deserve to be expected to produce greatness, and that perhaps if we all expected greatness and believed ourselves deserving of greatness then we would find ourselves surrounded by greatness, and perhaps it is only through low expectations that we find ourselves in unsatisfactory situations? And that maybe I was asking too much, but I would continue to ask it, and that maybe Will isn't actually the person I have expected him to be, but so far I have only ever dated phenomal people and boys who would certainly not fail to call me? And you smiled and nodded, because you didn't want me to be disappointed but didn't want to burst my bubble.
Yes, I'm sure you remember.
Well, here is what has happened since then: after your dinner and my root beer float, after our long conversation about how we're surprised that we're not weirded out by how well things are going with you and Greg and about how firmly we believe that things happen for a reason (or maybe not that, in my case, but that the RIGHT things happen and that things always work out, even if we don't understand them at the time), after the chocolate mousse, after I dropped you off at home, after I drove home singing along to the Format, after I apologized to my mom for not working on my painting yet again and said hi to my brother and Nathan and changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth -- specifically, RIGHT after I brushed my teeth -- Will called. He had just gotten off work. I said "So I assume you've read my email," and he said he actually hadn't, he had just seen that I sent one and went ahead and called right then. He said he was really sorry he hadn't called sooner, and that he really didn't have any good explanation or excuse, and did I want him to tell me what is going on?
Yes, yes of course.
And and and ... it turns out I made a lot of assumptions. The real story is that his ex-girlfriend used to live with him in his apartment. She moved out when they broke up, because it was determined that somebody had to move out and she had a place to go (some friends with a spare room). Apparently she called him recently and told him that she needs to move back in and he needs to move out. They were going to get together and talk about it last Saturday (after my Ozma concert), but then she fritzed out on him and they didn't. She sent him an email recently and was going to North Carolina for a short while, so they still need to get together and figure it out once she gets back, but he is assuming that he has to find a new place to live. He might move in with his mom for awhile, or he might stay in some hotel where he can rent a room weekly. I asked him if he can really just let her kick him out like this, but he said that if she is moving back in he has to go; they can't both live there.
So wow. I was way off. I also got him to explain a little more about what happened with that relationship. And it turns out that it ended more recently than I thought it did, like 2.5 months ago instead of 4. Eeesh. So I made unfair assumptions, and he's still a little confused and hurt from his last relationship, and the timing is all wrong for everything. But maybe it's not quite as over as I thought it was. It was going to be such a clean cut, but life is not so clean cut, and really I guess I'd prefer that this be as nuanced and complicated as the rest of it. We kept talking for awhile after all of that, just like normal, about whatever random things we talk about. He asked about how my week had been, and I really only told him about one thing that had happened all week before we were off on other topics like the Indian in the Cupboard movie and Nancy Drew and whether or not we'd be disappointed if we visited a parallel universe where the only thing different was that the sky was pink and birds flew backwards. Before we hung up he said that we should go to a movie sometime, that he'd like to see me again before I leave.
So, ok. This is different than I expected. I expected explanation and closure and to be able to shut this book and put it back on the shelf or return it to the library or wherever it will go, but here there is an epilogue I forgot to read. I had gotten over it, but in a way where I was thinking "Well, ok, I liked him, but oh well. Life goes on." And it is GOING on. And I will go to a movie with him. Absolutely. If he were'nt the person that he is, I wouldn't bother. I am busy and have a lot of things I should do before I leave here and wasn't counting him as one of them anymore, but I can't just let it end the way it is right now. I can't just let it end with me driving home alone from Denver when I was supposed to see him, him not calling for over a week, and then this phone call. If I don't go to the movie, this is where it ends. If I do go, who knows. We see a movie. Maybe we email. Maybe we see each other during winter break. Maybe we don't. It is life and it is unknown, and I am absolutely not going to shy away from living it and seeing what happens. And I am going to try to do so with as few expectations as possible, other than the fundamental expectation that greatness will occur.
Oh life. You are exhilarating and exhausting and exciting and unexpected and you keep me turning the pages.
And -- oh shit -- Joe is probabaly going to call again and what will I have to say to him?
Jenn is right: when it rains, it pours.
Yes, I'm sure you remember.
Well, here is what has happened since then: after your dinner and my root beer float, after our long conversation about how we're surprised that we're not weirded out by how well things are going with you and Greg and about how firmly we believe that things happen for a reason (or maybe not that, in my case, but that the RIGHT things happen and that things always work out, even if we don't understand them at the time), after the chocolate mousse, after I dropped you off at home, after I drove home singing along to the Format, after I apologized to my mom for not working on my painting yet again and said hi to my brother and Nathan and changed into my pajamas and brushed my teeth -- specifically, RIGHT after I brushed my teeth -- Will called. He had just gotten off work. I said "So I assume you've read my email," and he said he actually hadn't, he had just seen that I sent one and went ahead and called right then. He said he was really sorry he hadn't called sooner, and that he really didn't have any good explanation or excuse, and did I want him to tell me what is going on?
Yes, yes of course.
And and and ... it turns out I made a lot of assumptions. The real story is that his ex-girlfriend used to live with him in his apartment. She moved out when they broke up, because it was determined that somebody had to move out and she had a place to go (some friends with a spare room). Apparently she called him recently and told him that she needs to move back in and he needs to move out. They were going to get together and talk about it last Saturday (after my Ozma concert), but then she fritzed out on him and they didn't. She sent him an email recently and was going to North Carolina for a short while, so they still need to get together and figure it out once she gets back, but he is assuming that he has to find a new place to live. He might move in with his mom for awhile, or he might stay in some hotel where he can rent a room weekly. I asked him if he can really just let her kick him out like this, but he said that if she is moving back in he has to go; they can't both live there.
So wow. I was way off. I also got him to explain a little more about what happened with that relationship. And it turns out that it ended more recently than I thought it did, like 2.5 months ago instead of 4. Eeesh. So I made unfair assumptions, and he's still a little confused and hurt from his last relationship, and the timing is all wrong for everything. But maybe it's not quite as over as I thought it was. It was going to be such a clean cut, but life is not so clean cut, and really I guess I'd prefer that this be as nuanced and complicated as the rest of it. We kept talking for awhile after all of that, just like normal, about whatever random things we talk about. He asked about how my week had been, and I really only told him about one thing that had happened all week before we were off on other topics like the Indian in the Cupboard movie and Nancy Drew and whether or not we'd be disappointed if we visited a parallel universe where the only thing different was that the sky was pink and birds flew backwards. Before we hung up he said that we should go to a movie sometime, that he'd like to see me again before I leave.
So, ok. This is different than I expected. I expected explanation and closure and to be able to shut this book and put it back on the shelf or return it to the library or wherever it will go, but here there is an epilogue I forgot to read. I had gotten over it, but in a way where I was thinking "Well, ok, I liked him, but oh well. Life goes on." And it is GOING on. And I will go to a movie with him. Absolutely. If he were'nt the person that he is, I wouldn't bother. I am busy and have a lot of things I should do before I leave here and wasn't counting him as one of them anymore, but I can't just let it end the way it is right now. I can't just let it end with me driving home alone from Denver when I was supposed to see him, him not calling for over a week, and then this phone call. If I don't go to the movie, this is where it ends. If I do go, who knows. We see a movie. Maybe we email. Maybe we see each other during winter break. Maybe we don't. It is life and it is unknown, and I am absolutely not going to shy away from living it and seeing what happens. And I am going to try to do so with as few expectations as possible, other than the fundamental expectation that greatness will occur.
Oh life. You are exhilarating and exhausting and exciting and unexpected and you keep me turning the pages.
And -- oh shit -- Joe is probabaly going to call again and what will I have to say to him?
Jenn is right: when it rains, it pours.