(no subject)
So I realize that Relieved isn't exactly the most natural response to discovering that the guy you were somewhat dating suddenly has ex-girlfriend issues to work through and will call you in a few days when he knows better what is going on, but Relieved is exactly how I feel.
Here is an exact transcript of the message I recieved this afternoon:
"Hey Shelby, it's Will. Um, I actually need to talk to you about something, it's kind of important. So, I'm not sure if you want to do it over the phone or in person, uh, but you should give me a call back whenever you get this. I'll be around. Thanks, bye."
He had been supposed to call me sometime in the afternoon so we could compare plans and see if we wanted to get together pre-concert. And then I get this. Which doesn't sound good whatsoever. This is late in the afternoon, after I have spent all day laying around and reading and rock climbing and running half a mile barefoot after an ice cream truck and eating subs with Jack and Dad. Just when I am about to jump in the shower and leave to pick Paige up for the concert. Eeesh. A trillion things race through my head about what he might want to say to me, most of them results of something I said or did that must have freaked him out and left him ready to pull the cord on whatever this thing that we had was. I brace myself for the worst. I would rather talk to him in person, but don't want to wait that long to know whatever staggering piece of information this will be, so I call him as soon as I get on the highway and to a decent cruising speed. He doesn't answer. I leave a message to the effect of, "Hey, it's Shelby. I just got your message. Call me back and we can talk." All the way to Denver I think about what I must have done to ruin things, and what signals of his I failed to pick up on, and which things should have been red flags. I get there and tell Paige what is going on. She assumes the worst and gets angry at Will for me and tells me that either way I should dump him.
The Ozma show was great. It was like going back in time to three years ago, except that I'm an entirely different person now than I was then. An entirely different person who still thinks that an evening spent at an Ozma show is an evening well spent, most especially an evening spent at an Ozma show with a best friend. We engaged in all of the important Ozma-show behaviors, including chatting with Jose, semi-awkward non-encounters with Dan and Ryen, comparing with the other hardcore Ozma fans exactly how long it has been since we've been to one of their shows (3 years and 6 days! I won, but not in a good way), singing along to all of the songs (except for the new one), grabbing setlists (they were on paper plates and made sweet fans). And then Paige saw one of her ex-boyfriends, so we spent the rest of our evening at the Bluebird Theater watching the Rentals from the 16-year-old balcony, chatting with some too-cute 16-year-old Ozma fans, and deciding that both Paige's ex and the Rentals' lead singer are gay.
After about 12 times of Paige saying "ok, we should go now," and me saying "no, let's stay for a few more songs," I gave in and we left. I called Will. He didn't answer. I left a message along the lines of "Hey Will, it's Shelby. It's a little after 11 and we just left the concert. You should give me a call when you get this; I'm not sure if I'll still be in Denver or not, but you should certainly call either way. Hope you're having a good night. Bye." Paige and I went to the Popeye's drive-through. I somehow missed a call from Will on the way through.
His message this time said:
"Hey Shelby, it's Will. I'm sorry I missed your call. Um, yeah, I don't think it'd be a very good idea for you to come over tonight. Um, I have some issues with my ex-girlfriend actually at the moment that need to be worked out and I'm supposed to see her tonight and do that. I don't really know what the situation is, but uh, as it stands right now I don't think it'd be a very good idea for you to come over. Um, I'm sorry about that. I guess I'll give you a call in the next few days and let you know what the situation is. And, uh, yeah, ok, bye."
MOMENT OF ENORMOUS, INEXPLICABLE RELIEF
Ok, I know this isn't exactly good. And that it probably means that things are over, because he probably isn't entirely over his ex-girlfriend and would give that another try if given the chance. But thank god it isn't my drama! If it is ending, let it end for reasons that are not related to me rather than reasons that make me wish I had done or said things differently. So it sucks that he has ex-girlfriend drama and is only 4 months out of a relationship that left him hearbroken and is probably not over it enough to let this not be an issue. So he's human. I don't really blame him for it, and I certainly don't blame me for it, and I don't even think I can blame her for it. And while I would have enjoyed another few good weeks of this and it's shitty that this is probably it for us, it's honestly going to make it SO much easier to leave Colorado again, and I can go back to school without any extra baggage like a good thing that was never really given a chance, or a person I like and talk to but can't be with, or even (in the extreme case that I never really believed would happen) a long-distance relationship. It's definitely an easy out.
And as much as I was getting to like the boy, I'm still aware of things I have said and thought in the past months including "All I've ever been in is serious, long-term relationships. Maybe I need to have some smaller ones," and "I know people my age are getting married, but I don't think I'm even ready to meet a person I would marry. I'm envisioning several more years of good relationships that end and teach me the right things. Maybe then ... who knows."
Of course, there's a chance that this ex-drama isn't as extreme as I assume it is and that in a few days he'll be calling me explaining the situation and it will be all over and dealt with and we can pick up where we left off. That would still be ok with me, but knowing people, and especially knowing how people generally deal with and feel about their exes, I'm not counting on anything other than an explanation and an apology.
I'll probably not be able to refrain from telling him the same things I would tell anyone in his situation, which are probably things like "Be careful. I know this is something you might need to do, but realize that you're opening yourself up to the possiblity of having your heart broken again in the same way and for the same reasons and without learning much of anything new. You need to figure out what you want. You need to figure out if this is possibly good for you. Good luck."
And I really do wish him luck. I'm skeptical about the possiblity of things ever working out again with any ex, but I hope that either he is phenomenally lucky and it works out and I can feel justified in having my loss amount to something substantial, or that it teaches him the right things and he can move past her and on with his life.
I am assuredly making a lot of assumptions about what the situation is. Either way, I think he's pretty lucky that I am the girl in this position right now, because I'm a lot more understanding and emotionally stable and personally optimistic than most. Actually, driving home tonight after hearing this and then sitting outside Popeye's talking with Paige for a long while, I felt more optimistic about life in general than I have in the past few months. Isn't that strange? I see the silver linings so much more than I see the clouds. Or maybe I just like the rain. Or something. I even thought "This is great! Now I get to drive home at night; I love night driving!" I'm sure this makes most of you sick, and it would probably make me sick too under other circumstances.
So who knows where things go from here. Maybe our paths will cross again some day, and maybe not. Either way, it was great while it lasted.
I shall end with the following funny anecdote: When I ordered at Popeye's I'm pretty sure I asked for an order of chicken strips. They asked "One order or two?" and I said "One." When they handed us the food, they had given me one chicken strip. I asked "Aren't I supposed to get a few more of these?" and the guy says "No. You ordered one." I said "I thought I ordered one ORDER," and he said "No, you only ordered one." Whatever. And then there was a hair in the breading. I pulled it out, reasoned that it had been fried, and ate my chicken strip anyways. I probably won't go back to Popeye's anytime soon.
Here is an exact transcript of the message I recieved this afternoon:
"Hey Shelby, it's Will. Um, I actually need to talk to you about something, it's kind of important. So, I'm not sure if you want to do it over the phone or in person, uh, but you should give me a call back whenever you get this. I'll be around. Thanks, bye."
He had been supposed to call me sometime in the afternoon so we could compare plans and see if we wanted to get together pre-concert. And then I get this. Which doesn't sound good whatsoever. This is late in the afternoon, after I have spent all day laying around and reading and rock climbing and running half a mile barefoot after an ice cream truck and eating subs with Jack and Dad. Just when I am about to jump in the shower and leave to pick Paige up for the concert. Eeesh. A trillion things race through my head about what he might want to say to me, most of them results of something I said or did that must have freaked him out and left him ready to pull the cord on whatever this thing that we had was. I brace myself for the worst. I would rather talk to him in person, but don't want to wait that long to know whatever staggering piece of information this will be, so I call him as soon as I get on the highway and to a decent cruising speed. He doesn't answer. I leave a message to the effect of, "Hey, it's Shelby. I just got your message. Call me back and we can talk." All the way to Denver I think about what I must have done to ruin things, and what signals of his I failed to pick up on, and which things should have been red flags. I get there and tell Paige what is going on. She assumes the worst and gets angry at Will for me and tells me that either way I should dump him.
The Ozma show was great. It was like going back in time to three years ago, except that I'm an entirely different person now than I was then. An entirely different person who still thinks that an evening spent at an Ozma show is an evening well spent, most especially an evening spent at an Ozma show with a best friend. We engaged in all of the important Ozma-show behaviors, including chatting with Jose, semi-awkward non-encounters with Dan and Ryen, comparing with the other hardcore Ozma fans exactly how long it has been since we've been to one of their shows (3 years and 6 days! I won, but not in a good way), singing along to all of the songs (except for the new one), grabbing setlists (they were on paper plates and made sweet fans). And then Paige saw one of her ex-boyfriends, so we spent the rest of our evening at the Bluebird Theater watching the Rentals from the 16-year-old balcony, chatting with some too-cute 16-year-old Ozma fans, and deciding that both Paige's ex and the Rentals' lead singer are gay.
After about 12 times of Paige saying "ok, we should go now," and me saying "no, let's stay for a few more songs," I gave in and we left. I called Will. He didn't answer. I left a message along the lines of "Hey Will, it's Shelby. It's a little after 11 and we just left the concert. You should give me a call when you get this; I'm not sure if I'll still be in Denver or not, but you should certainly call either way. Hope you're having a good night. Bye." Paige and I went to the Popeye's drive-through. I somehow missed a call from Will on the way through.
His message this time said:
"Hey Shelby, it's Will. I'm sorry I missed your call. Um, yeah, I don't think it'd be a very good idea for you to come over tonight. Um, I have some issues with my ex-girlfriend actually at the moment that need to be worked out and I'm supposed to see her tonight and do that. I don't really know what the situation is, but uh, as it stands right now I don't think it'd be a very good idea for you to come over. Um, I'm sorry about that. I guess I'll give you a call in the next few days and let you know what the situation is. And, uh, yeah, ok, bye."
MOMENT OF ENORMOUS, INEXPLICABLE RELIEF
Ok, I know this isn't exactly good. And that it probably means that things are over, because he probably isn't entirely over his ex-girlfriend and would give that another try if given the chance. But thank god it isn't my drama! If it is ending, let it end for reasons that are not related to me rather than reasons that make me wish I had done or said things differently. So it sucks that he has ex-girlfriend drama and is only 4 months out of a relationship that left him hearbroken and is probably not over it enough to let this not be an issue. So he's human. I don't really blame him for it, and I certainly don't blame me for it, and I don't even think I can blame her for it. And while I would have enjoyed another few good weeks of this and it's shitty that this is probably it for us, it's honestly going to make it SO much easier to leave Colorado again, and I can go back to school without any extra baggage like a good thing that was never really given a chance, or a person I like and talk to but can't be with, or even (in the extreme case that I never really believed would happen) a long-distance relationship. It's definitely an easy out.
And as much as I was getting to like the boy, I'm still aware of things I have said and thought in the past months including "All I've ever been in is serious, long-term relationships. Maybe I need to have some smaller ones," and "I know people my age are getting married, but I don't think I'm even ready to meet a person I would marry. I'm envisioning several more years of good relationships that end and teach me the right things. Maybe then ... who knows."
Of course, there's a chance that this ex-drama isn't as extreme as I assume it is and that in a few days he'll be calling me explaining the situation and it will be all over and dealt with and we can pick up where we left off. That would still be ok with me, but knowing people, and especially knowing how people generally deal with and feel about their exes, I'm not counting on anything other than an explanation and an apology.
I'll probably not be able to refrain from telling him the same things I would tell anyone in his situation, which are probably things like "Be careful. I know this is something you might need to do, but realize that you're opening yourself up to the possiblity of having your heart broken again in the same way and for the same reasons and without learning much of anything new. You need to figure out what you want. You need to figure out if this is possibly good for you. Good luck."
And I really do wish him luck. I'm skeptical about the possiblity of things ever working out again with any ex, but I hope that either he is phenomenally lucky and it works out and I can feel justified in having my loss amount to something substantial, or that it teaches him the right things and he can move past her and on with his life.
I am assuredly making a lot of assumptions about what the situation is. Either way, I think he's pretty lucky that I am the girl in this position right now, because I'm a lot more understanding and emotionally stable and personally optimistic than most. Actually, driving home tonight after hearing this and then sitting outside Popeye's talking with Paige for a long while, I felt more optimistic about life in general than I have in the past few months. Isn't that strange? I see the silver linings so much more than I see the clouds. Or maybe I just like the rain. Or something. I even thought "This is great! Now I get to drive home at night; I love night driving!" I'm sure this makes most of you sick, and it would probably make me sick too under other circumstances.
So who knows where things go from here. Maybe our paths will cross again some day, and maybe not. Either way, it was great while it lasted.
I shall end with the following funny anecdote: When I ordered at Popeye's I'm pretty sure I asked for an order of chicken strips. They asked "One order or two?" and I said "One." When they handed us the food, they had given me one chicken strip. I asked "Aren't I supposed to get a few more of these?" and the guy says "No. You ordered one." I said "I thought I ordered one ORDER," and he said "No, you only ordered one." Whatever. And then there was a hair in the breading. I pulled it out, reasoned that it had been fried, and ate my chicken strip anyways. I probably won't go back to Popeye's anytime soon.