somebody remind me why
I have found something very interesting and I am going to take a chance that talking about it might ruin it. But I hope that any thought it may conjure will be more valuable then the experience to be obliterated by its discussion. I find myself in the company of highly diverse social groups and their reactions have brought something to my attention. At school I am in the constant company of politically minded individuals and the great majority of them are considered liberal by the common measure. At work (in a motorcycle shop) I am exposed to a rather affluent group of secular conservatives and moderates, these are people with money because as you may not have known power sports is the new golf. In my personal life I am regularly exposed to highly conservative christians, these are the right wing fundamentalists. My situation is not unique and I make no claim of honor in my keeping such broad company. What I do find fascinating is that each group seems to see me as a member of themselves. I find that I get along with and share common thought with each ideological sect. In fact I would have to say that there are only a few groups in whose company I struggle. What I am curious about is whether this is a product of my own detachment or of peoples fundamental similarity. I once saw a Viet nam era movie that showed animated people of different colors bleeding the same crimson red when hurt and before you think that this is some "cant we all just get along" diatribe, I think our similarities go much deeper then just the color of our fluids. to go farther would risk forming a political party so I'll move on to part two
Photography is out for the summer and I am not terribly pleased with what I accomplished. My last roll from Big Bear is certainly one of my better ones but I am really not that happy with the quality of my shooting. I don't find many interesting prints belonging to me in the wash tray and the end of lab period. Its a little disheartening to see so much that is stunningly beautiful about the world and be so utterly unable to capture it myself, even in poor black and white parody. I question now more then ever my decision to return to the viewfinder. I had marvelous and likely false remembrances of taking great pictures in high school. These memories were safe form the truth because I had trashed my entire portfolio when my internship with a wedding photographer fell through because of my immaturity. Now I am not so sheltered, with family and friends displaying my work prominently. I am regularly forced to confront my compromised, small visioned, myopic art. It really does make me wonder
this is not a suicide paragraph and anyone who thinks it is doesn't know me very well.
I heard once in a "how to council peers" class that when a supposedly suicidal person starts talking about how beautiful the world is and crying about the exceptional existence that surrounds them you should become somewhat more alarmed because that is often the immediate predecessor to the suicide act. I find that more and more I exist in this kind of amazed state. It has gotten so much easier to lose myself in the thought of a sunset let alone the real thing. I have grown quite fond of watching the sun filter through my blinds in the morning, imagining I can see each immaculate particle entering my room to spend its energy upon my dim surroundings. What is most curious is that this sense of beauty has not rendered me stagnant but has invigorated my actions. i find it harder and harder to stay still in these moments of marvel. I am simultaneously gravitated towards the beauty of the moment in repose and compelled to leave it with potent action. Its an odd state to live in, and somewhat unsustainable, but I will try to still myself long enough to write about it again.
I have digital pictures from big bear, if enough people want to see them I will post them. No sense in slowing everyones load time for pictures no one wants to see.
thanks for reading
Photography is out for the summer and I am not terribly pleased with what I accomplished. My last roll from Big Bear is certainly one of my better ones but I am really not that happy with the quality of my shooting. I don't find many interesting prints belonging to me in the wash tray and the end of lab period. Its a little disheartening to see so much that is stunningly beautiful about the world and be so utterly unable to capture it myself, even in poor black and white parody. I question now more then ever my decision to return to the viewfinder. I had marvelous and likely false remembrances of taking great pictures in high school. These memories were safe form the truth because I had trashed my entire portfolio when my internship with a wedding photographer fell through because of my immaturity. Now I am not so sheltered, with family and friends displaying my work prominently. I am regularly forced to confront my compromised, small visioned, myopic art. It really does make me wonder
this is not a suicide paragraph and anyone who thinks it is doesn't know me very well.
I heard once in a "how to council peers" class that when a supposedly suicidal person starts talking about how beautiful the world is and crying about the exceptional existence that surrounds them you should become somewhat more alarmed because that is often the immediate predecessor to the suicide act. I find that more and more I exist in this kind of amazed state. It has gotten so much easier to lose myself in the thought of a sunset let alone the real thing. I have grown quite fond of watching the sun filter through my blinds in the morning, imagining I can see each immaculate particle entering my room to spend its energy upon my dim surroundings. What is most curious is that this sense of beauty has not rendered me stagnant but has invigorated my actions. i find it harder and harder to stay still in these moments of marvel. I am simultaneously gravitated towards the beauty of the moment in repose and compelled to leave it with potent action. Its an odd state to live in, and somewhat unsustainable, but I will try to still myself long enough to write about it again.
I have digital pictures from big bear, if enough people want to see them I will post them. No sense in slowing everyones load time for pictures no one wants to see.
thanks for reading