(no subject)
it seems like for thoughts that keep flowing and flowing I have very little to say to you right now.
I want to want you/ that is I used to/ that is I could again.
Since the beginning you have been running and i have never understood that. I just wanted you so stop being so scared. (and now in my head is the image of you scoffing at that, and snarling "I'm not scared. I'm just looking out for myself Just like i always have just like I always will. The only person I have to worry or care about in the world is me.) You can pretend hon. But I know why you are so cold. You are hurt, and you are scared, and you do care about other people....maybe not as much as you should but you do. You aren't as tough as you think you are.
and this back and forth mess........
It's just that you always SAY things to me and never DO anything. You always are surprised when I dont see our future, but then you wont stick around for more than 5 minutes to reassure me. You dont understand why i get confused, or why i doubt us but it's obvious to me. I want you to stop being so nonchalant. And the next time we try to make amends after an argument dont go spouting off your laundry list of things you want from me. Why dont you take a minute and start really thinking about what it is you are going to do for me. Cuz we have already covered what you want and need and you have already received all those things. I, however, have NEVER had you make an effort to give me what I say I need to be happy.
I tell you I need more affection.
attention
passion
communication
time
What I need to be happy seems pretty damn clear to me. So why is it so confusing to you? Please point it out, and I will explain further. Because the truth is you dont give me any of those things, and you ignore me when i ask for more. And then you wonder WHY it is that we keep fighting. WHY it is that Im unhappy. WHY dont we have fun anymore?
I want to be happy, i want to laugh with you, i want to stop the resentment and fighting.... but how the hell am i supposed to do that when my boyfriend whom I care for very much wont acknowledge any of my needs or requests. THAT only makes me angrier than before, and so the snow ball builds. I cant be happy til i get rid of my grudge. I cant get rid of my grudge til I feel that you care enough to try and make me happy. And i dont. I dont feel that you care at all. THAT is what my problem is!
You NEVER stop to think about how your actions (whether it is doing something you feel like doing or not) make me feel. It doesnt matter to you because all that matters to you is how YOU feel. The only person in this world that matters is YOU> You have made that abundantly clear to me and maybe I am just sick and tired of being with someone that is incapable of caring for someone else.
I just want you to act like you care. No I want you to care.
Show me.
That's it.
No more pretend relationship.
I want to want you/ that is I used to/ that is I could again.
Since the beginning you have been running and i have never understood that. I just wanted you so stop being so scared. (and now in my head is the image of you scoffing at that, and snarling "I'm not scared. I'm just looking out for myself Just like i always have just like I always will. The only person I have to worry or care about in the world is me.) You can pretend hon. But I know why you are so cold. You are hurt, and you are scared, and you do care about other people....maybe not as much as you should but you do. You aren't as tough as you think you are.
and this back and forth mess........
It's just that you always SAY things to me and never DO anything. You always are surprised when I dont see our future, but then you wont stick around for more than 5 minutes to reassure me. You dont understand why i get confused, or why i doubt us but it's obvious to me. I want you to stop being so nonchalant. And the next time we try to make amends after an argument dont go spouting off your laundry list of things you want from me. Why dont you take a minute and start really thinking about what it is you are going to do for me. Cuz we have already covered what you want and need and you have already received all those things. I, however, have NEVER had you make an effort to give me what I say I need to be happy.
I tell you I need more affection.
attention
passion
communication
time
What I need to be happy seems pretty damn clear to me. So why is it so confusing to you? Please point it out, and I will explain further. Because the truth is you dont give me any of those things, and you ignore me when i ask for more. And then you wonder WHY it is that we keep fighting. WHY it is that Im unhappy. WHY dont we have fun anymore?
I want to be happy, i want to laugh with you, i want to stop the resentment and fighting.... but how the hell am i supposed to do that when my boyfriend whom I care for very much wont acknowledge any of my needs or requests. THAT only makes me angrier than before, and so the snow ball builds. I cant be happy til i get rid of my grudge. I cant get rid of my grudge til I feel that you care enough to try and make me happy. And i dont. I dont feel that you care at all. THAT is what my problem is!
You NEVER stop to think about how your actions (whether it is doing something you feel like doing or not) make me feel. It doesnt matter to you because all that matters to you is how YOU feel. The only person in this world that matters is YOU> You have made that abundantly clear to me and maybe I am just sick and tired of being with someone that is incapable of caring for someone else.
I just want you to act like you care. No I want you to care.
Show me.
That's it.
No more pretend relationship.