(no subject)
i'm up and down and all around and another dramatic night wishing wondering listening to all the things we were just sitting there with all the crazy kids trying to find themselves ourselves i remember when it was simple simply because we didnt have ourselves figured out and i know you'll say we do but in some ways thats true and in others not i'm so tired, i'm always so tired i looked back through all the notes i took this semester and everywhere i saw this phrase "i'm so tired" literally everywhere i wrote that i dont know why maybe its becuase i'm always trying to keep up with the people i know keep up with the lives i want to be a part of and where has my life gone to the places you will be from what a great line so now i just sit here at my computer and tell myself i should be in bed but i'll just wake up again tomorrow and feel just as tired and its a big day tomorrow at work and i'll catch up with another friend tomorrow night and have the same conversations i've been having for the last month and thast ok becuase they need to know and thast ok but you know i'm ready for something else i'm ready for heaven i'm ready to know that when i wake up i wont be tired that people will always be patient enough and i'll always have time enough for them and god i dont even have time for my dad and god last night was so scary and god i dontk now what to do anymore and god i just want to tell her and god i just wish i could be still for a minute just for a minute why cant i just sit still i suck at that so much why cant i leave one night open.
and here it stops. now i'm having trouble with the next part. now i'm not sure about this one. and here i doubt. and here i stumble. and its one of those moments you could go start from the beginning. a different world. a differnet set of circumstances. but here we are. life is a breath. and some nights its so hard to enjoy it while it lasts. i'm not depressed. i'm just here. ignore these things, theyve been said before. i'm just posting them to get them out and of course becuase i hope someone will post an encouraging, or a poetic or an interesting comment that will make me smile and feel appreciated. becuase i guess i'm like that
and here it stops. now i'm having trouble with the next part. now i'm not sure about this one. and here i doubt. and here i stumble. and its one of those moments you could go start from the beginning. a different world. a differnet set of circumstances. but here we are. life is a breath. and some nights its so hard to enjoy it while it lasts. i'm not depressed. i'm just here. ignore these things, theyve been said before. i'm just posting them to get them out and of course becuase i hope someone will post an encouraging, or a poetic or an interesting comment that will make me smile and feel appreciated. becuase i guess i'm like that