I LOVE PARADOXX
Ever since paradoxx has cut off communication to me ive felt like my body is an empty shell in the world waiting to be crushed theres nothing i can do about it and it hurts. I asked her to choose between me and kitty i dont care who she chooses i wanted her to be true to her heart.Now i feel like a stupid asshole for doing it theres nothing i wouldent give for her choice to be easier but i know its not going to be she's thinking about checking herself into a psyche ward and now i feel even worse because she still wont talk to me i love her so much its like every fiber of my being survives for her and now i feel like she hates me because i asked her to choose it hurts inside it hurts so bad tears come to my eyes when i try to think about it zak is here takeing care of me so i dont do something stupid which im thankfull for because i might have if he hadent showed up when he did I LOVE YOU MAN..As a brother.............Anyway my mind is stuck on wanting to talk to paradoxx and tell her how much i love her and missed her my heart feels like its stopped beating and my hunger is gone....i dont know what to do anymore im frozen in time once more i hate this feeling with a fucking passion but if it's what i have to go through to show paradoxx i will stick with her through thick and thin then i shall do it i will bear this pain as a price i payed for love the emotional scar will remind me that i love paradoxx so much i will face my worst pain with the face of love and care and overcome the burning pain inside to emerge still love ing her with all my heart part of me is dying right now....I'm not sure if thats good or bad....but i know its happening theese are my feelings right now and everything that has gone on .....I LOVE YOU PARADOXX REMEMBER THAT ALWAYS PLEASE DONT GO AWAY FROM ME......and another thing....YES ANOTHER THING SO SUE ME......Ive gotten my depression out now and this is how i am after depression YES AFTER DEPRESSION YOUR POINT.....the fact that paradoxx hates me for makeing her choose PISSES ME OFF WHY THE FUCK SHOULD SHE BE PISSED AT ME ITS A SENSIBLE REQUEST I MEAN FUCK I WANT HER TO STOP FUCKING AROUND AND BE SERIOUS ABOUT THE FUCKING RELATIONSHIP MONOGOMY IS THE BEST WAY TO SAY I LOVE YOU TO YOUR PARTNER IT MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A DOG WHO NEEDS TO BEG FOR FOOD AND STILL DOESENT GET ANY BECAUSE THE MASTERS PISSED THAT I TOOK THE CATLE PROD AWAY FROM HIM I MEAN FUCK SHOCK ME WITH IT ENOUGH TIMES ILL TAKE IT AWAY WITH MY TEETH FUCKING THINK ABOUT IT IT MAKES SINCE AND NOW I GET TORTURED FOR REQUESTING THIS SHIT THATS FUCKED UP IT'S EMOTIONAL ABUSE AND NO ONE SEE'S THAT ECCEPT ME AND ZACK OKAY IM KINDA DONE RANTING.....i do love her and that was me being angry *bows* ill be here all week......yea that was a BIG load off my chest *quotes the flying circus* "and now something we hope you'll really enjoy" paradoxx i love you baby i know i don't show it nearly enough but honestly neither do youneko tells me all theese things you say about me I'D KINDA LIKE TO HEAR THOSE ONCE AND A WHILE -_- You have to understand i strive on affection NOT JUST PHYSICAL emotional too so tell me you love me instead of me saying it and complement me once and a while TELL ME im a good bf i feel like im the worst bf on earth sometimes because i never hear it from you you have to understand my mom never really loved me so i strive on love it's one of my NEEDs in life if i dont have love i become crushed into a bit sized roast and eaten away by my own dark thaughts listen i do love you and hope you still love me but i never hear anything good try talking about something POSITIVE FOR A FUCKING CHANGE fuck the heroin that was in the past and bo was not your fault you dident shove the fucking needle into his vein did you no it was HIS choice and your trying to shove it on yourself DONT DO THAT IT JUST CAUSES DEPRESSION which sucks trust me ive had 3 straight days of it well.....4 now IT FUCKING SUCKS i love you so much and this is me getting my feelings out please dont stop reading just because i sound angry it's not all bad your smart beautifull you saved my life when no one was there for me you always said you cared about me you said to me one day that you were forced to grow up show it now and keep reading no matter how much it hurts this is a form of love you've probly never gotten i know it hurts like a bitch but its tough love it's shit you need to hear YOU HAVE PROBLEMS WE ALL DO DONT FOCUS ON THEM OR THEY WILL EAT YOU ALIVE THAT'S ONE THING I'VE LEARNED IF YOU FUCKING FOCUS ON THE PAST IT KILLS YOU INSIDE UNTILL YOUR NOTHING BUT A ROADKILL RABBIT ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD THE REASON IVE LIVED THROUGH WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO ME IS BECAUSE I DONT THINK ABOUT IT I LOCK IT AWAY WHEN IM ALONE I CRY ABOUT IT BUT I NEVER EVER EVER FOCUS ON IT FOR MORE THAN AN HOUR WHENEVER I WANT TO DISTRACT MYSELF I CALL SOMEONE AND ASK THEM TO CHEER ME UP its fucked to read this i know trust me I KNOW but you need to hear this and you wont talk to me anyone who knows paradoxx tell her to look at this journal its important and paradoxx you the greatest gf ive ever had dont let my lack of affection fol you i love you more than you'll ever know and now i say BEAM ME UP SCOTTIE THERES NO INTELLEGENT LIFE ON THIS PLANET