(no subject)

Aug 13, 2006 20:38

ive never had a problem with being single. i never once cared whether i had someone or not.
the feeling i have now is so terrifying my brain cant even think what to do. i have spent the last couple of days just hoping and wishing i wouldnt have to feel this way anymore. i check my phone every other second, hoping that id get that call that he wanted to work things out, that everything was going to be okay again. i didnt get that call this time. this time is different. my body has never been forced into such a state of being scared before. people try to ask me about it, i cant. i cant speak of it. im so worried that its it for him and i. will was the number one thing in my life. i never cared so much for someone before.
its never hurt so bad to cry before. hoping that something will change, i can feel in my heart, he's over me.
ive tried to hold in all the tears, that of course builds more hurt. even just to talk to him. he's supposed to be here for me. it's not one of those getting over it type deals.
i want to get help. im going to.
but i need HIM to help me. my body cant even function properly. it's not right for someone to feel this much suffering. i have so much anger, against myself, even him.
i sat and talked to lauren, her and heather are working it out. i wish it was like that for me and him.
i loved him so much. i just wish everything would be okay.
something so good slid away so fast.
i love you will.
april 2, 2005 - august 11, 2006.
ill never forget you.
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