(no subject)
After a discussion about the difference between being 'in lust' and 'in love', I decided to formulate a response. The two are, in fact, entirely different. Commonly 'love-cynics' argue that we don't know if we are truly in love, as we can only compare our feelings to previous relationships. I disagree. Being in love can be measured by our actions, just as much as our words and feelings.
So, at first let's talk about lust. The main difference between the two is that lust can be towards an object of desire, and not just a human being. People describe lust as strongly wanting someone/something. Well, not strongly, but super-incredibly. When directed at a person, if you lust for them, then you want them utterly, truly and madly, almost to the point of obsession. Towards objects, it's the same principles. So, an example:
I wanted an xbox 360. Super-mega-ultra-incredibly. Since the Australian release date was delayed and gh3y, I decided to import from the US. I found a local reseller who was going to order one for me. Unfortunately things didn't go according to plan and he got screwed over twice and I was unable to get it. This pissed me off, as I reaaaaaaaaaaaaally wanted it - I'd obsess about it, read constant reviews and previews, study all the features religiously, masturbate to it (lawlz, jk...or am I), etc. However, after I learned that he couldn't get it in, I got over it. Sure, I was a bit emo, but I got over it (until another opportunity came along, but the points is one can transfer the object of your lust, or completely eliminate your lust for it.
There's also been girls that I've lusted for, but ultimately, I wanted them sexually (or even sometimes emotionally). If I didn't get with them, or didn't have enough courage to approach them, I'd get over it very quickly.
Young kids lust after celebrities: "Mmm Orlando Bloom iz soooo hAwT! I hope he penetrates me with his elven arrow." They may obsess about these people, and collect newspaper clippings of them religiously, but ultimately, you can move on easily. If Orlando decides to drop out of the third lord of the rings movie, you may be devastated, but you'd move onto better pursuits rather quickly, no matter how infatuated you were with him before (and after all the new Harry Potter is coming out soon).
The thing about lust is its immediacy - you seek instant satisfaction. This is usually sex with another person, you go in and out, orgasm, lust satisfied. sexy time. big success.
Being in love takes all the above principles and extends upon them. I guess the words don't mean as much anymore as they have been overused by 12 year old Myspace emos "I am soooO in luv wit my bf. he izz GanGstA". But being in love still exists. Very much so. I guess the closest thing to being in love a child has, is themselves. We , in fact, love ourselves (NB: not in love, but love). If we get a good mark, we feel really really good inside, and proud of ourselves. If we score with that really hot chick in eigth grade who sits at the back and always chews gum (and puts out like there's no tomorrow [mmmm little girl sex]), we'll be jumping around thinking we're the greatest thing since crustless peanut-butter and jelly microwavable sandwiches. However, these feelings are about ourselves - i.e. if we score with that girl we aren't feeling happy butterflies FOR her, but we're feeling them because we're so happy that we got her in the first place, i.e. you feel pride and those butterflies are for no one but yourself.
Once we start feeling these butterflies for another person, well, you've got the beginnings of being in love, but only the beginnings, and more often than not they won't evolve to anything. The main difference here, as opposed to the gum-chewing preteen slut, is that we're happy to be with someone else; their company and the thought of you being with them makes you stupidly happy, like a retard on Valium.
I believe that the real conversion to being 'in love' starts occurring when you really truly care about what the person feels and thinks, moreso than yourself. If the other person is happy, then you're jumping for joy. If they're smiling, you smile. The easiest way to describe this is with personal examples, but quite simply, when you're in love, you know it. Being in love isn't about instant gratification (as opposed to lust), as you're willing to endure punishment for the other person, if it results in them being ultimately happier.
Being in love is:
-waking up at 8am each morning, no matter how late you go to sleep, so the other person (in another country, timezones and all that jazz) can speak to you for as long as they want, so they go to bed smiling and happy, and have the sweetest of dreams, even if you have a major presentation on that day
-agreeing to stay celibate for 4 months, as you go overseas during your golden years
-preferring to spend hours talking on the phone to them, rather than going out
-keeping your phone by your ear when the other person is 'on something', in case something goes wrong, or the person feels lonely or emo, they can text you or call you and everything will be right for them again
-being able to admit to the other person that you were wrong, even if deep down you believe you were right, just to make them feel good about themselves
-spending almost $1,000 on phone calls to them when you're short on money in the first place
-thinking about that person constantly when away from them, and imaging them with you, through everything that you do, be it eating, or just imaging them lying next to you in bed and talking to them in your head
-genuinely caring when they message you saying they feel sick, or tired. and i mean really sympathising with the person, and feeling slightly down yourself
-calling the person up at 6am in the morning when you find out that they're angry at something, hoping to make them feel better
-preferring to do something with them than doing what you're obsessed with (i.e. xbox for me)
-thinking ahead, as far as marriage with the person, when you are commitment-phobe, and thoughts like this (towards anyone else) would completely freak you out
There are, of course, countless more examples of what being 'in love' truly is. However, this is an accurate cross-section of my thoughts on it. You don't need to compare your feelings for one person, as opposed to another to find out what's love and what's not. You just know it is. Being in love is when you are willing to completely dedicate yourself to the person and even change your own personal life, even if it results in less direct happiness for yourself, but more happiness for the other person (although ultimately, as that person becomes happy, you become happy too). There doesn't have to be instant satisfaction or gratification with being in love, as opposed to lust. Once it hits you...you'll know. You may at first mistake being in love, but when truly being in love happens, it's amazing and easily identifiable.
So, at first let's talk about lust. The main difference between the two is that lust can be towards an object of desire, and not just a human being. People describe lust as strongly wanting someone/something. Well, not strongly, but super-incredibly. When directed at a person, if you lust for them, then you want them utterly, truly and madly, almost to the point of obsession. Towards objects, it's the same principles. So, an example:
I wanted an xbox 360. Super-mega-ultra-incredibly. Since the Australian release date was delayed and gh3y, I decided to import from the US. I found a local reseller who was going to order one for me. Unfortunately things didn't go according to plan and he got screwed over twice and I was unable to get it. This pissed me off, as I reaaaaaaaaaaaaally wanted it - I'd obsess about it, read constant reviews and previews, study all the features religiously, masturbate to it (lawlz, jk...or am I), etc. However, after I learned that he couldn't get it in, I got over it. Sure, I was a bit emo, but I got over it (until another opportunity came along, but the points is one can transfer the object of your lust, or completely eliminate your lust for it.
There's also been girls that I've lusted for, but ultimately, I wanted them sexually (or even sometimes emotionally). If I didn't get with them, or didn't have enough courage to approach them, I'd get over it very quickly.
Young kids lust after celebrities: "Mmm Orlando Bloom iz soooo hAwT! I hope he penetrates me with his elven arrow." They may obsess about these people, and collect newspaper clippings of them religiously, but ultimately, you can move on easily. If Orlando decides to drop out of the third lord of the rings movie, you may be devastated, but you'd move onto better pursuits rather quickly, no matter how infatuated you were with him before (and after all the new Harry Potter is coming out soon).
The thing about lust is its immediacy - you seek instant satisfaction. This is usually sex with another person, you go in and out, orgasm, lust satisfied. sexy time. big success.
Being in love takes all the above principles and extends upon them. I guess the words don't mean as much anymore as they have been overused by 12 year old Myspace emos "I am soooO in luv wit my bf. he izz GanGstA". But being in love still exists. Very much so. I guess the closest thing to being in love a child has, is themselves. We , in fact, love ourselves (NB: not in love, but love). If we get a good mark, we feel really really good inside, and proud of ourselves. If we score with that really hot chick in eigth grade who sits at the back and always chews gum (and puts out like there's no tomorrow [mmmm little girl sex]), we'll be jumping around thinking we're the greatest thing since crustless peanut-butter and jelly microwavable sandwiches. However, these feelings are about ourselves - i.e. if we score with that girl we aren't feeling happy butterflies FOR her, but we're feeling them because we're so happy that we got her in the first place, i.e. you feel pride and those butterflies are for no one but yourself.
Once we start feeling these butterflies for another person, well, you've got the beginnings of being in love, but only the beginnings, and more often than not they won't evolve to anything. The main difference here, as opposed to the gum-chewing preteen slut, is that we're happy to be with someone else; their company and the thought of you being with them makes you stupidly happy, like a retard on Valium.
I believe that the real conversion to being 'in love' starts occurring when you really truly care about what the person feels and thinks, moreso than yourself. If the other person is happy, then you're jumping for joy. If they're smiling, you smile. The easiest way to describe this is with personal examples, but quite simply, when you're in love, you know it. Being in love isn't about instant gratification (as opposed to lust), as you're willing to endure punishment for the other person, if it results in them being ultimately happier.
Being in love is:
-waking up at 8am each morning, no matter how late you go to sleep, so the other person (in another country, timezones and all that jazz) can speak to you for as long as they want, so they go to bed smiling and happy, and have the sweetest of dreams, even if you have a major presentation on that day
-agreeing to stay celibate for 4 months, as you go overseas during your golden years
-preferring to spend hours talking on the phone to them, rather than going out
-keeping your phone by your ear when the other person is 'on something', in case something goes wrong, or the person feels lonely or emo, they can text you or call you and everything will be right for them again
-being able to admit to the other person that you were wrong, even if deep down you believe you were right, just to make them feel good about themselves
-spending almost $1,000 on phone calls to them when you're short on money in the first place
-thinking about that person constantly when away from them, and imaging them with you, through everything that you do, be it eating, or just imaging them lying next to you in bed and talking to them in your head
-genuinely caring when they message you saying they feel sick, or tired. and i mean really sympathising with the person, and feeling slightly down yourself
-calling the person up at 6am in the morning when you find out that they're angry at something, hoping to make them feel better
-preferring to do something with them than doing what you're obsessed with (i.e. xbox for me)
-thinking ahead, as far as marriage with the person, when you are commitment-phobe, and thoughts like this (towards anyone else) would completely freak you out
There are, of course, countless more examples of what being 'in love' truly is. However, this is an accurate cross-section of my thoughts on it. You don't need to compare your feelings for one person, as opposed to another to find out what's love and what's not. You just know it is. Being in love is when you are willing to completely dedicate yourself to the person and even change your own personal life, even if it results in less direct happiness for yourself, but more happiness for the other person (although ultimately, as that person becomes happy, you become happy too). There doesn't have to be instant satisfaction or gratification with being in love, as opposed to lust. Once it hits you...you'll know. You may at first mistake being in love, but when truly being in love happens, it's amazing and easily identifiable.