(no subject)
I had my first panic attack two days ago. And my second today. I've known I have anxiety problems for a long long time. But this just terrifies me. Not because it's scary and I'm scared it's going to happen again, but because it's yet another thing added to my to-do list. I don't have time to get this taken care of. Really. It feels like the walls are closing in around me lately. Relay rules my life, school works piling up, sigma is an annoyance, I don't have anything together to go abroad and the applications due next week. And at the top of my stress list, I'm poor as sin. I desperately need a job, but can't find one for the life of me. I'm petrified by how little money I have in my account. It makes me so sad that so many things in my life are dependent on that number, but I can't help it. I don't want material things, I just want to be able to go places and visit friends and give gifts to other people, like my little. I'm wining and I sound obnoxious. I hate it.