Publically Posting Ozai's sheet for posterity.
I said I would publically post Ozai's sheet for posterity, so today I shall do it here. This is the final sheet I wrote for TBC.
Ozai the Conquerer
AKA Ozai the Jerk
AKA King of Summer
AKA Would-be Phoenix King
AKA What Happens When Kat Runs Out of Spoons
Okay. So once upon a time there were these Summer Court Sidhe guys and they were generally a giant bag of dicks (except for Iroh, he was alright). You were the biggest dick in the bag of dicks. But you were behind Iroh in line for the throne. But that wouldn’t do. He wasn’t a giant dick. And everybody knows you need to be the giantest dick to rule the Summer Court.
But there wasn’t much you could do about it, because Iroh was cooler than you in practically every way so you couldn’t just ice him. He was a giant badass. You were mostly just an ass.
And then Summer got attacked by a bunch of humans (who are also giant bags of dicks, for the record) and everyone was like WHOA WHAT :O They had a bunch of bullshit tactics (like attacking you with oil. Who does that shit?) and you were kind of outmatched. But then you were like “Oh man, you know what the best plan ever is? FRIDGE IROH’S SON (Lu Ten) SO THAT HE’L BE SO ANGSTY HE’LL QUIT! Boom. Then I can be King, as my dick has proven I deserve.” And this was the best plan ever.
So you did this plan! But your son saw you and that was awks because you hadn’t realized that you were also fridging your son’s best friend! That would create a whole vengeance arc thing and ain’t nobody got time for that shit. So you were like “hmmm…. I should figure out a way to make this go away”.
So you locked Zuko up and was like “hmmm, you know who were pretty great? Those humans guys. They were super jerks. We should all get together and be jerks together!” And this was the best plan ever. So you sent Sadojima Hoji to go talk to them (he was a pretty big jerk) and then he was like “Yup, boss. They’re some pretty big jerks and sometimes they rewrite people’s personalities”. And you were like “Cool, let’s send my son to get brainfucked. What could possibly go wrong?”
So you sent Zuko to get brainfucked and it worked, but then he was super angsty and mopey and really Azula was always your favorite anyways. She was sadistic and burned people for funsies and really who has time for emotionally stable children anyways.
Sometimes you shipped humans Avalonian shit to experiment on. Like faeries and unicorns and the like. Mostly because we needed more ways to make you evil.
And then you were like “Cool. Now my brother’s angsty and my son’s brainfucked and my daughter’s crazy. TIME TO CONQUER THE WORLD.”
(In actuality, the humans showed you that the Avalonian wheel was busted and that the entirety of Avalon would be better if they could be united as a strong front that started to interact with the world. You were Behlen but crazier and way less subtle)
And so then you went to CONQUER THE WORLD. Autumn was pretty easy because they were filled with squishy peaceniks and you’re all badass and stuff now that you’ve ascended the throne because you murdered your dad (remember how you’re a giant dick?) so you kicked in the door and said “BITCH PLEASE I OWN THIS HOUSE NOW” and everyone was like “Yup you own this house now” and then you set them on fire because you’re a jerk.
Except Socrata Dathan, who was the Queen of Autumn. For her you were like “I could kill you, but that wouldn’t set up nearly so many feels for Kat’s players so instead I’m just going to throw you in a REALLY DARK DUNGEON and bind all of your powers so that you can just be really sad all the time MUAHAHAHA HAVE I MENTIONED I’M EVIL”
(In actuality you hoped to raise her back up as Autumn Queen once you finished conquering the world so she could be the puppet queen that ruled under you.)
And then you were like “cool. I could go after Mab but that sounds exhausting because she’s scary. So how about I beat up the other less important faction.” and you went and roflstomped Spring because PCs made bad decisions. You tried to kidnap Toph but, let’s be real, Toph is about 5094385908x too cool to be kidnapped by you so instead she just kind of kept fighting you in the resistance. Rude. You told people you kidnapped her though, but that’s just bs propaganda because no way you’re cool enough to kidnap Toph, letz be real here.
And then you were like “Cool. Time to punk Mab now? I’m sure this’ll be awesome.” but then you get a letter from John Marcone and he was like “SUP WANNA BE ON MY COUNCIL OF WEIRD GUYS MAKING WEIRD GUY DECSIONS?!” and you were like “HELLZZZZZ YEAH!!!! I’m awesome why wouldn’t you want me at your party?!?!?!?!” and he was like “Cool, I wanna set up a Neutral Ground Accord at Heliopolis” and you were like “Cool, maybe I can go there and be like SUP Y’ALL I’M AWESOME AND Y’ALL SHOULD JOIN ME IN BEING AWESOME” because you’re like the awesome jerk who ever jerked.
Oh! And did I mention that Amy Pond was like “Sup, I work for you and am totally loyal in every way and this will not end in my sudden but inevitable betrayal in any way shape or form!” and you were like “Cool! I’m sure you won’t betray me at all!” But she does have to like… do what you say. (Don’t be a jerk OOC about this) so that’s pretty cool.
Otherwise you’re mostly just a giant egotistical god jerk who is really hip to the fact that he’s a giant egotistical god jerk.
[[Note: You’ve heard that that bitch Mab might show up. She dabbles in all of those “Old Ways”, so you’ve brought an amulet that will theoretically allow you to ignore her guest rites, the one you can predict she will have. Still, you’d prefer to not have to fight Mab on her own terms. Not cuz you’re afraid of her (okay, you’re a little afraid of her)]]
Ozai the Conquerer
AKA Ozai the Jerk
AKA King of Summer
AKA Would-be Phoenix King
AKA What Happens When Kat Runs Out of Spoons
Okay. So once upon a time there were these Summer Court Sidhe guys and they were generally a giant bag of dicks (except for Iroh, he was alright). You were the biggest dick in the bag of dicks. But you were behind Iroh in line for the throne. But that wouldn’t do. He wasn’t a giant dick. And everybody knows you need to be the giantest dick to rule the Summer Court.
But there wasn’t much you could do about it, because Iroh was cooler than you in practically every way so you couldn’t just ice him. He was a giant badass. You were mostly just an ass.
And then Summer got attacked by a bunch of humans (who are also giant bags of dicks, for the record) and everyone was like WHOA WHAT :O They had a bunch of bullshit tactics (like attacking you with oil. Who does that shit?) and you were kind of outmatched. But then you were like “Oh man, you know what the best plan ever is? FRIDGE IROH’S SON (Lu Ten) SO THAT HE’L BE SO ANGSTY HE’LL QUIT! Boom. Then I can be King, as my dick has proven I deserve.” And this was the best plan ever.
So you did this plan! But your son saw you and that was awks because you hadn’t realized that you were also fridging your son’s best friend! That would create a whole vengeance arc thing and ain’t nobody got time for that shit. So you were like “hmmm…. I should figure out a way to make this go away”.
So you locked Zuko up and was like “hmmm, you know who were pretty great? Those humans guys. They were super jerks. We should all get together and be jerks together!” And this was the best plan ever. So you sent Sadojima Hoji to go talk to them (he was a pretty big jerk) and then he was like “Yup, boss. They’re some pretty big jerks and sometimes they rewrite people’s personalities”. And you were like “Cool, let’s send my son to get brainfucked. What could possibly go wrong?”
So you sent Zuko to get brainfucked and it worked, but then he was super angsty and mopey and really Azula was always your favorite anyways. She was sadistic and burned people for funsies and really who has time for emotionally stable children anyways.
Sometimes you shipped humans Avalonian shit to experiment on. Like faeries and unicorns and the like. Mostly because we needed more ways to make you evil.
And then you were like “Cool. Now my brother’s angsty and my son’s brainfucked and my daughter’s crazy. TIME TO CONQUER THE WORLD.”
(In actuality, the humans showed you that the Avalonian wheel was busted and that the entirety of Avalon would be better if they could be united as a strong front that started to interact with the world. You were Behlen but crazier and way less subtle)
And so then you went to CONQUER THE WORLD. Autumn was pretty easy because they were filled with squishy peaceniks and you’re all badass and stuff now that you’ve ascended the throne because you murdered your dad (remember how you’re a giant dick?) so you kicked in the door and said “BITCH PLEASE I OWN THIS HOUSE NOW” and everyone was like “Yup you own this house now” and then you set them on fire because you’re a jerk.
Except Socrata Dathan, who was the Queen of Autumn. For her you were like “I could kill you, but that wouldn’t set up nearly so many feels for Kat’s players so instead I’m just going to throw you in a REALLY DARK DUNGEON and bind all of your powers so that you can just be really sad all the time MUAHAHAHA HAVE I MENTIONED I’M EVIL”
(In actuality you hoped to raise her back up as Autumn Queen once you finished conquering the world so she could be the puppet queen that ruled under you.)
And then you were like “cool. I could go after Mab but that sounds exhausting because she’s scary. So how about I beat up the other less important faction.” and you went and roflstomped Spring because PCs made bad decisions. You tried to kidnap Toph but, let’s be real, Toph is about 5094385908x too cool to be kidnapped by you so instead she just kind of kept fighting you in the resistance. Rude. You told people you kidnapped her though, but that’s just bs propaganda because no way you’re cool enough to kidnap Toph, letz be real here.
And then you were like “Cool. Time to punk Mab now? I’m sure this’ll be awesome.” but then you get a letter from John Marcone and he was like “SUP WANNA BE ON MY COUNCIL OF WEIRD GUYS MAKING WEIRD GUY DECSIONS?!” and you were like “HELLZZZZZ YEAH!!!! I’m awesome why wouldn’t you want me at your party?!?!?!?!” and he was like “Cool, I wanna set up a Neutral Ground Accord at Heliopolis” and you were like “Cool, maybe I can go there and be like SUP Y’ALL I’M AWESOME AND Y’ALL SHOULD JOIN ME IN BEING AWESOME” because you’re like the awesome jerk who ever jerked.
Oh! And did I mention that Amy Pond was like “Sup, I work for you and am totally loyal in every way and this will not end in my sudden but inevitable betrayal in any way shape or form!” and you were like “Cool! I’m sure you won’t betray me at all!” But she does have to like… do what you say. (Don’t be a jerk OOC about this) so that’s pretty cool.
Otherwise you’re mostly just a giant egotistical god jerk who is really hip to the fact that he’s a giant egotistical god jerk.
[[Note: You’ve heard that that bitch Mab might show up. She dabbles in all of those “Old Ways”, so you’ve brought an amulet that will theoretically allow you to ignore her guest rites, the one you can predict she will have. Still, you’d prefer to not have to fight Mab on her own terms. Not cuz you’re afraid of her (okay, you’re a little afraid of her)]]