Confused
okay so last year i liked this boy named R
i didnt want to tell him but he found out anyways thx to my friend.
then after a while he thought i was a physco. lol
like i ended up liking him so much it was crazy.
like everytime he would come around i would feel so nervous and i lost a lot of myself that year
i was dealing with depression and anorexia (NO IT WASNT BECAUSE OF HIM. LOL) on top of that and it was crazy.
he would talk shit about me behind my back and to my face and i wouldnt say anything about it.
i would just sit there and feel sorry for myself (and i regret that so much now)
after trying to get myself to stop liking him, i finally did but he would still talk crap about me.
but then over the summer my self esteem built up. the depression went away and my eating disorder is still kinda there
when school started i began to love life a lot more and i still do.
he would still say mean things about me but i would stand up for myself but deep down inside i just wanted to be friends
oh and i was talking to my bff cindy on the phone one day and heres the conversation-
Me: Neel told me he was pointing at me and calling me anorexic on the field trip
C: i think he likes u
Me: eww no he doesnt!
C: because i was reading chicken soup for the teens soul and it said that there was this guy that liked a girl and but he would always make fun her and call her ugly and stuff but he was scared of what ppl would think. so then he told her how she felt on the day of graduation.
Me:aww. but R isnt the type of person that hides his feelings. like when he liked T last year, he just wouldnt hop off her tail
C:well maybe he likes u too much
Me:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! that would be hilarious
and ever since yesterday he's been calling me sassquach and i call him bobblehead (i lovee saying that now) lol
so then C says to me:
oh i saw u flirting over there with ur man
and im like wtf? so then we went on with the sassquach bobblehead thing again at the end of the day.
and C and R go on the same bus so she told him it looked like we were flirting.
and he just stayed quiet. he didnt say anything mean or anything
when she told me that i was like WOW
i mean i dont like like him like him but im starting to think now that theres still something there. like i think that part of me will always like him. i mean he has turned a little bit more mature this year. OMG
but even if he does like me, i hate that he cant admit it. its proabaly because im fat. i mean look at my stomach and legs theyre huge.
but then again, he still calls me anorexic and once said my collar bones are disgusting
WTF? i dont need a guy's opinion to make me ME.
i dont change myself for ppl!
love me or hate me, i honestly dont care?
omg i'd be surprised if u actually read this whole entry lol
i didnt want to tell him but he found out anyways thx to my friend.
then after a while he thought i was a physco. lol
like i ended up liking him so much it was crazy.
like everytime he would come around i would feel so nervous and i lost a lot of myself that year
i was dealing with depression and anorexia (NO IT WASNT BECAUSE OF HIM. LOL) on top of that and it was crazy.
he would talk shit about me behind my back and to my face and i wouldnt say anything about it.
i would just sit there and feel sorry for myself (and i regret that so much now)
after trying to get myself to stop liking him, i finally did but he would still talk crap about me.
but then over the summer my self esteem built up. the depression went away and my eating disorder is still kinda there
when school started i began to love life a lot more and i still do.
he would still say mean things about me but i would stand up for myself but deep down inside i just wanted to be friends
oh and i was talking to my bff cindy on the phone one day and heres the conversation-
Me: Neel told me he was pointing at me and calling me anorexic on the field trip
C: i think he likes u
Me: eww no he doesnt!
C: because i was reading chicken soup for the teens soul and it said that there was this guy that liked a girl and but he would always make fun her and call her ugly and stuff but he was scared of what ppl would think. so then he told her how she felt on the day of graduation.
Me:aww. but R isnt the type of person that hides his feelings. like when he liked T last year, he just wouldnt hop off her tail
C:well maybe he likes u too much
Me:HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! that would be hilarious
and ever since yesterday he's been calling me sassquach and i call him bobblehead (i lovee saying that now) lol
so then C says to me:
oh i saw u flirting over there with ur man
and im like wtf? so then we went on with the sassquach bobblehead thing again at the end of the day.
and C and R go on the same bus so she told him it looked like we were flirting.
and he just stayed quiet. he didnt say anything mean or anything
when she told me that i was like WOW
i mean i dont like like him like him but im starting to think now that theres still something there. like i think that part of me will always like him. i mean he has turned a little bit more mature this year. OMG
but even if he does like me, i hate that he cant admit it. its proabaly because im fat. i mean look at my stomach and legs theyre huge.
but then again, he still calls me anorexic and once said my collar bones are disgusting
WTF? i dont need a guy's opinion to make me ME.
i dont change myself for ppl!
love me or hate me, i honestly dont care?
omg i'd be surprised if u actually read this whole entry lol