" Yo Booty Might Be Bigga..But I Still Can Pull Yo Nigga.."
"Yo Booty might be bigga...but I still can pull yo nigga.."
Ownership.
Possession.
got damnit!
I just want respect and love...and to be admired and adored.
Reno always fucks up and then when I blow up the scene............................................
.....................................................................................................................................................
I'm not crazy...I'm just hurt.
I can't understand or figure out why he does these things to me.
I'm not stupid...I see it all...and yet I stay.
I'd be lying if I said...I wanted to go...because I don't.
I can't...I don't think I could.
I've tried...and it never works out...it never lasts...
He always finds Me and I always find Him.
..And then...they appear or reappear.
Don't know about them...I always find out about them...and I'm sure they know about me.
I was at work one day...wondering if they knew my work schedule...my class schedule...
knew what time to drop by...to call him...
If they knew what car I drove...
I wonder if they work with me...
Is she in my class?
Does she work with him.
I can't do this to myself.
He says they are his...money makers...they just want a dime bag or a nickel bag.
And I tell him I'm not rpoud of what he's doing..and yet I stay.
So basically I'm full of shit...just like him. Basically.
He doesn't even know that I have his password to his voicemail...and I hear everything.
Sat. Oct. 14th 1:44pm
"Hey Reno, This is Shanequa...I was just calling you because I had you on my mind...Talk to you later."
And I dig back further...and pull out more...but why. What's point?
My soror asked me...if you dig and dig and then you find something that leads to an answer for your questions...and you do nothing but sit on it and pretend as if nothing has happened...whats the point of ever digging?
And she's right...
I don't want to deal with it...I want to beleive that she is just getting purchases from him.
But that message...makes me feel different.
And see the thing is,
I want to trust him...I want to beleive him.
But he has fucked up so many times...
And when I meet these so-called-acqauintences...
they have an ugly attitude with me.
Why are you getting ugly with me...because I'm his girl..and he's my man?
Are you serious....
I just don't think females would act this way unless they feel intimidated or jelous of the others position. And if he is feeding it into their heads that there are any "possibilites" ..and then they see him out with me...there is definately going to be tension...
tension that I'm unaware of because I do not know them...but they might know of me...and me being in their way...of getting to Reno...there is a problem.
Why am I not enough?
She doesn't even sound cute...
I feel like a chicken head...for putting up with this non sense.
And I can't talk to my friends anymore...
because its forever on going.
Tonight Reno and I will be back to understanding and in love...
But right now...I feel shakey...my hands are shaking and I cry a little...because
I don't know where he is right now...
I don't know where WE are right now.
I pushed his XBOX 360 off the TV and onto the floor on purpose when I saw her number in his call log...
And now its broke, I guess...
But before he hung up...he just said...."I can't beleive you would do this...break my XBOX? Imma go...I love you"
--hung up.
What about me?
Advisions?