sometimes i just don't get it...
this weekend was terrible. i hate when i know that something bad is going to happen and i can't do anything about it, b/c you can only avoid things for SO long. Tao told me that he just wants to quit everything. not like kill himself quit but he says hes depressed all the time and he's stressed out and drained and just feels broken. and he doesnt want to hurt me while he's going through this so he just wants to be freinds.. or w/e until he gets his life sorted out.
i mean yeah things havent been perfect, they've actually been a lot of work, but i thought that it was worth it b/c i really wanted to just be w/ him regardless. and then he tells me he just wants to quit. im freakin heartbroken.
so this happens on friday and i dont talk to him the whole weekend then today he texts me at work to see if i wanna come over after and watch a movie. im like oook. so i go there and everythings the same... he acts like nothing ever happened except now we dont kiss and i dont sleep there. and now when he falls asleep and gets in fights w/ his ex who is STILL living there, he doesnt have to feel SO bad cuz im not "technically" his g/f nemore. yet he still holds me and kisses me on the head when we were laying on the couch. being stuck in this limbo totally freakin sux!
so after i leave i tell him that i always feel cheated out of our time together so now i guess i understand what he meant when he said that he feels like he's not giving me all i deserve. and he apologizes and says he still cares about me but doesnt want to hurt me. to which i tell him that i want to help him get through this together b/c i know i make him happy and i want to be there for him so he doesnt have to do it alone. to which he says that he wants to do it alone b/c he doesnt want to hurt anyone. and then i tell him that hes hurting me more now by doing what he's doing, cuz i just want to be w/ him. he wants to finish talking about it more tomorrow. so i guess i'll see how everything turns out. i really freakin miss the old him. :-/
i mean yeah things havent been perfect, they've actually been a lot of work, but i thought that it was worth it b/c i really wanted to just be w/ him regardless. and then he tells me he just wants to quit. im freakin heartbroken.
so this happens on friday and i dont talk to him the whole weekend then today he texts me at work to see if i wanna come over after and watch a movie. im like oook. so i go there and everythings the same... he acts like nothing ever happened except now we dont kiss and i dont sleep there. and now when he falls asleep and gets in fights w/ his ex who is STILL living there, he doesnt have to feel SO bad cuz im not "technically" his g/f nemore. yet he still holds me and kisses me on the head when we were laying on the couch. being stuck in this limbo totally freakin sux!
so after i leave i tell him that i always feel cheated out of our time together so now i guess i understand what he meant when he said that he feels like he's not giving me all i deserve. and he apologizes and says he still cares about me but doesnt want to hurt me. to which i tell him that i want to help him get through this together b/c i know i make him happy and i want to be there for him so he doesnt have to do it alone. to which he says that he wants to do it alone b/c he doesnt want to hurt anyone. and then i tell him that hes hurting me more now by doing what he's doing, cuz i just want to be w/ him. he wants to finish talking about it more tomorrow. so i guess i'll see how everything turns out. i really freakin miss the old him. :-/