I can do ittttt
I went out last night for Katie's bachelorette. I wasn't planning on going to Boston because A. I have NO money and B. I don't like dance clubs... but everyone said they'd pitch in and get me drinks and that I did have to stay long if I didn't want to, so they convinced me to go. It was pretty fun... there were all these British guys there and their accents made me fucking melt. OH MY GOD. I wanted them to just keep talking, and most of them were very handsome. haha. And it was part bar, part dance club so it wasn't bad. It was a good time, except I got a lot of the "Hey what's up... what's your friends name?" And yea I obviously wasn't looking to "hook up" with any guys, but it's a real bummer when the only time you get attention from guys is when they ask about whoever you're with... never about you. And I looked exceptionally terrible last night cause I had on sweaty stretched out clothes and my hair was gross. So I took to sitting down for an hour before we left...
SO I am starting my diet again... for real. I am going to try really really really hard this time. Having a yummy taste in my mouth for 3 minutes is not worth wanting to cry everytime you have to go out in public. It's not worth having to buy a new pair of pants every 5 months because yours just ripped in the crotch... again. It's not worth buying a dress online only to find out it doesn't fit you... at all. It's not worth feeling 100% uncomfortable all the time.
I want to be able to be okay with someone taking a picture of me... and not being twice the size of whoever I'm posing with. I want to never be scared that I am going to break my mom's patio chairs because the cut off is 300 lbs. I don't ever want to get as close as I am to BEING 300 lbs, and I certainly don't want to get closer. I don't want to be the only one out of my family that hasn't lost weight yet.
And I don't ever want to write a journal entry about this. Ever again.
So I am really going to keep track of how I am doing and I will probably do it in here. I am thinking about being blatantly honest about my weight... because when I write it down for me [and others] to see it becomes more real.
I bought a bunch of good stuff today and I am starting tomorrow. Wish me luckkkk
SO I am starting my diet again... for real. I am going to try really really really hard this time. Having a yummy taste in my mouth for 3 minutes is not worth wanting to cry everytime you have to go out in public. It's not worth having to buy a new pair of pants every 5 months because yours just ripped in the crotch... again. It's not worth buying a dress online only to find out it doesn't fit you... at all. It's not worth feeling 100% uncomfortable all the time.
I want to be able to be okay with someone taking a picture of me... and not being twice the size of whoever I'm posing with. I want to never be scared that I am going to break my mom's patio chairs because the cut off is 300 lbs. I don't ever want to get as close as I am to BEING 300 lbs, and I certainly don't want to get closer. I don't want to be the only one out of my family that hasn't lost weight yet.
And I don't ever want to write a journal entry about this. Ever again.
So I am really going to keep track of how I am doing and I will probably do it in here. I am thinking about being blatantly honest about my weight... because when I write it down for me [and others] to see it becomes more real.
I bought a bunch of good stuff today and I am starting tomorrow. Wish me luckkkk