If A Tree Falls And Nobody Hears It
The temperature is rising as mid day passes, and Severus doesn't like it one bit. He really has a particular quirk against going around shirtless and all he has brought on this vacation are long-sleeved black shirts and one dark green turtleneck. Like that would help him any,
He would walk on to the beach, but he doesn't want to remove his boots either. Damned reputation of being civil! Sometimes Severus would do anything to just...go out of character for a day.
He's knocked out of his thoughts by a familiar voice.
"HEY BAYBAY!" It's August, the token Slytherin trans-boy. Great, Severus thinks, Just what I need to make my vacation in Tahiti even less pleasant.
"Let's go buy us some draaaank." squeals the handsome creature.
"There's nothing better to do here..." Severus sighs, "Alright then, August, fine. ANYTHING TO TAKE MY MISERY AWAY."
After several more fits of angst, Severus and August head off for the Bora Bora Tiki Bar.
Sitting at one of the wooden stools, handpainted with red flowers, is Regulus Black. Severus squints at him, his figure sillouetted slightly by the sun. His silouette kind of looks like Lily, Severus groans at the thought of his one true love, who is somewhere else, and not in love with him. More angst ensues.
"WHAT?" screams August.
"Nothing." says Severus quietly.
The scream of August attracted the Tiki Bar house elf, however. Who stands, legs quivering, on the counter.
"What drinks can we get you wizards today?"
"PINA COLADAS!" screams Regulus suddenly, "1 for me and 1 for Severus, here. August will pass, unless you have fine red wine."
August grins, but Severus looks troubled. "Oh come on, Sev, lighten up." says Regulus, "It will be fun."
After four more rounds of Pina Coladas, it is nearing evening and Severus and Regulus are pretty damn buzzed. August is completely sober.
"ACCIO RED WIG!" He screams, pointing his wand to the sky. Miraculously, a higher force is intrigued by this situation and sends down a red wig. August positions it on Regulus's head.
Severus isn't worried about anything anymore. He removes all of his clothes and all of Regulus's clothes.
"Lily..." Severus looks kind of dizzily at the naked Regulus. "You're my Lily...haha. I love you, Lily."
Regulus smiles lopsidedly, "Yeah...Lily...."
Then, they make violent love on the beach to Lady Gaga's Bad Romance which is on repeat in the background.
August tapes it.
"Mmmm." says Severus
"Oh..." says Regulus.
"Mm." says Severus, seductively, "I love you, Lily."
"Oh God." says Regulus.
"Jenny..." says Forrest Gump.
August stops the tape.
"FORREST GUMP!" He screams, "HOW DID YOU GET HERE?"
"Mama always said Tahiti is like a box of chocolates." says Forrest Gump.
"Shut up." says August. Then, Forrest Gump starts attempting to hug Severus while he's making love to Regulus.
If a tree falls and nobody hears it, does it make a sound?