2 July 2009
Taken from lukia
how long more? how long more before i realise it is not worth it. how long before i realise that perhaps i am not in this for the long haul. i am in an everyday cycle of mess - running around busy from the start to the end. i have no time for myself, for my work, for my lunch. yet i realise (from the late days of late) that there is still joy, but only when it comes from meeting / interacting / mucking around with you, you, you, you and you. finding out that despite all the gripes that overwhelm me more and more each day, the only time my heart beats fast is when I lift my head and see you, you and your eyes, your eyes and their reckoning - their understanding, in a session where we both take away something from it. or coincidental meetups. All these comprising only around 30 per cent of the day. The other 70, however, is everything i hate. More and more I am thinking of different dreams, trying to map different roads to carve. Will i jump out when you leave to find my own change and control? how do i deal with the next few months - blase silence or vulnerable questions. the hating and loving of everyday messes with my head a lot.