It's Not That I Can't Die...
I can't stand this piece of shit you call my life anymore. Phil told me
this would happen. "don't get yourself involved with these people,
amanda, they'll make you just like them" he said. and look, its
happened. I cant stand living any longer. FUCK Phil, I thought I was
being careful! Now look at my death date...the day I met...HIM. That
dreaded boy that brought this death envy upon me. I hate him...yet his
embrace seems so endearing, and I love the way he smells. The way he
used to hold me, the way he used to kiss me. I miss the time he cuddled
his head into my chest and said "you're too good to me" and i miss the
way he would tell me "you're amazing" every five minutes. I miss the
way he wouldn't let me sleep in my own bed because he wanted me to hold
him while he fell asleep. Christ, woman, it was only a week. I wish I
weren't so addicted to affection. maybe then accepting that someone is
no good wouldn't be so hard.
