I was never scared of the dark!
Back to the Burg asylum in: 1 day.
I imagine I'm somewhat more outgoing than some people. Yet I don't feel alllll that confident. I donno. Maybe it's not really an outgoing thing. But it seems like people really dance around some things. People, really. I know so many people who, when they like someone, they kind of freak out. Not FREAK OUT, really, but they get all shy and worrysome. I on the other hand, never really worry about how I'm appearing to someone I like. I guess because I'm confident that I can do things right. But I never feel like it's scary to confront them or anything. I don't freeze up. I'd rather just get down to business rather than flutter around.
Funny...because at the same time I'm not very direct, and a lot of things never get discussed.
This has been a depressing weekend. I was supposed to hang out with Mitch and play pool, possibly shop, on Saturday. That night, I was supposed to show up at the dance after the staff/student game. Brandi was going, and I thought it might be fun to get out and free myself and be surrounde by loud music. But all of that was cancelled from the snow. I was excited to hear we got so much snow, though. But it ruined all of my plans. Today I did nothing, and the day went bytoooo fast. So that's depressing me too. Just too fast. But eh.
I'm feeling good as myself..very very good. But there's still a lot going on that I'm running amok about. Hm.
The notion of college is scaring the bejesus out of me. I'm scared about just going to class...will everyone else know how it goes? Will I show up late or something or not know where to go or I don't know. I'm scared I won't have any girl friends to hang out with. It's really hard for me to find girls I can be comfortable around...and I don't see myself really getting acquainted with any girls if I don't know them. Because I wouldn't want to. But what if I want to go out on a weekend or go to clubs or anything like that....who am I going to do that with? And god...the few girl friends that I have, will be gone. Ash will be at Aquinas, Autumn will be off somewhere, Dani will be at Central, Linz will be at G.V.... wow. Hadn't even though about how they won't be here anymore. I'll still have friends around. But I'm losing the base friends that got me started as a person. And that's crazy.
I'm scared because I don't even know how the hell I'm going to get through college financially. We don't have the money, I don't know where it's going to come from.
I'm scared because I haven't even fking applied yet...who's to say that Western will accept me just because they accept everyone else? lol
I'm scared because I'm scared it's going to be uncomfortable. And I fear that.
But I guess it will all work out. I know it will. But for some reason I'm all worried about stuff. Which isn't like me.
So, I guess I need to get down to business and start walking with my head up more. Not that it's ever down. But I need to get as confident and worry-free as I used to be able to. To just do anything and not worry about whether I know what I'm doing.
I'm very much myself right now, but I need to get more intimidating again. lol. Not bad intimidating, just not so intimidatable. Know what I mean?
Maybe I'll have something to eat now...my stomach finally settled down.
I haven't worked on any art today...which is weird, since I've been working on a ton of little artsy things for the past few days. Hm. Not much of ANYTHING got accomplished today.
I imagine I'm somewhat more outgoing than some people. Yet I don't feel alllll that confident. I donno. Maybe it's not really an outgoing thing. But it seems like people really dance around some things. People, really. I know so many people who, when they like someone, they kind of freak out. Not FREAK OUT, really, but they get all shy and worrysome. I on the other hand, never really worry about how I'm appearing to someone I like. I guess because I'm confident that I can do things right. But I never feel like it's scary to confront them or anything. I don't freeze up. I'd rather just get down to business rather than flutter around.
Funny...because at the same time I'm not very direct, and a lot of things never get discussed.
This has been a depressing weekend. I was supposed to hang out with Mitch and play pool, possibly shop, on Saturday. That night, I was supposed to show up at the dance after the staff/student game. Brandi was going, and I thought it might be fun to get out and free myself and be surrounde by loud music. But all of that was cancelled from the snow. I was excited to hear we got so much snow, though. But it ruined all of my plans. Today I did nothing, and the day went bytoooo fast. So that's depressing me too. Just too fast. But eh.
I'm feeling good as myself..very very good. But there's still a lot going on that I'm running amok about. Hm.
The notion of college is scaring the bejesus out of me. I'm scared about just going to class...will everyone else know how it goes? Will I show up late or something or not know where to go or I don't know. I'm scared I won't have any girl friends to hang out with. It's really hard for me to find girls I can be comfortable around...and I don't see myself really getting acquainted with any girls if I don't know them. Because I wouldn't want to. But what if I want to go out on a weekend or go to clubs or anything like that....who am I going to do that with? And god...the few girl friends that I have, will be gone. Ash will be at Aquinas, Autumn will be off somewhere, Dani will be at Central, Linz will be at G.V.... wow. Hadn't even though about how they won't be here anymore. I'll still have friends around. But I'm losing the base friends that got me started as a person. And that's crazy.
I'm scared because I don't even know how the hell I'm going to get through college financially. We don't have the money, I don't know where it's going to come from.
I'm scared because I haven't even fking applied yet...who's to say that Western will accept me just because they accept everyone else? lol
I'm scared because I'm scared it's going to be uncomfortable. And I fear that.
But I guess it will all work out. I know it will. But for some reason I'm all worried about stuff. Which isn't like me.
So, I guess I need to get down to business and start walking with my head up more. Not that it's ever down. But I need to get as confident and worry-free as I used to be able to. To just do anything and not worry about whether I know what I'm doing.
I'm very much myself right now, but I need to get more intimidating again. lol. Not bad intimidating, just not so intimidatable. Know what I mean?
Maybe I'll have something to eat now...my stomach finally settled down.
I haven't worked on any art today...which is weird, since I've been working on a ton of little artsy things for the past few days. Hm. Not much of ANYTHING got accomplished today.