i need to vent
so i continually keep making stupid accidents. mistakes. that make me feel like a perpetual fuck up since i graduate high school.
i have my MVA hearing tomorrow and what do i do today on my way to my lawyers this morning?
i hit another car on a test drive.
because i am a jack ass.
i should not be allowed behind the wheels of a car.
and i will never be able to afford insurance again.
my mother laughingly suggested i get a motorized scooter. like a vespa.
fun.
but not for winter.
and again.
and always.
with what money??
i am costing my parents so much money.
that we don't have.
and trying to pay for school on my own is tough enough.
and my lawyer.
soon rent again. (and security deposit)
now i'll have to kick in some serious dough on my already spiking insurance, if my parents are even able to keep me on their policy.
lets hope geico is forgiving.
i was pulling out of a parking lot and misjudged how far out my front bumper was and totally swiped/grazed (depending on verb that conveys the correct amount of impact) a passing car.
their car is pretty okay. a scratched rim and scratched bumper. thank god. no denting no major damage no one injured.
my front bumper is worse than ever though, which isn't saying much i suppose.
the impact ripped off my lisensce plate. and i can't remember if my passanger side turn light was missing before... it probably was.
i go through headlights like rolls of toilet paper.
its no bueno.
so right now my lisensce plate is on my dashboard. i don't know how i am going to reattatch it... duct tape? that will probably be the mode i choose to hold up my sagging bumper. i just don't know what to do.
it's just emphasizing my feelings of being a mess.
considering if i should cancel my classes for fall and just work?
i think that would increase depression.
but i don't know how i'm going to keep (literally) paying for my mistakes.
my lawyer says tomorrow i will hopefully get a restricted liscense for 90 days. but probably under the condition i have interlock installed. which is another how many hundreds over the next year?
and i'm not making enough at the breeze.
it's nice to feel safe and comfortable there. but i'm hating it so much i don't make money because i resent being there so much.
i like/love (depending on the day) the other people i work with.
but my managers(belsky occasionally stephen) are so contradictory. say one thing and then treat us another. say they're got our backs then throw us under the bus when we need a hand. (except Dan, but even he can be moody and plays favorites like no other)
it's nice to know i'm in his "top 10" but god, how bad would it be if i wasn't?
and is it just because i was his first validation? we started there together... on the same footing?
the customers i hate.
maybe that eventually happens anywhere.
but it's time for me to move on.
i need a new place.
and i probably need to get away from some of these people.
the past couple weeks chris and i have done some fun things downtown and i'm really intruiged by the area.
we went to first thursday concert in the park
WHICH WAS A BLAST
mt vernon. lanhorn slim (sp?? i'm too lazy and on my vent roll to look it up right now)
he me jay drank che red wine out of the bottle and diablo or something beer which was wicked.
danced.
admired dogs. evaluated which ones we would like to have and which ones were too tall/hairy/small/bulgy
people watched.
it was good times.
and yesterday was the jazz/blues fest in fed hill.
also much fun. i had to meet him down there after work so i didn't catch all but the last half hour or so.
kelly bell was pulled up on stage with the night hawks and sang a tribute.
i met my old work buddy shannon down there, she was dancing in the crowd.
as we were dancing by the out skirts, she and kelly started dancing and hitting it off.
** we went for beers and chatting with kelly bell!!! **
it was so cool! he wasn't even supposed to sing (he had sung the final slot last year) he was just trying to mix in with the crowd and enjoy the day but the night hawks pulled him up to sing with them.
he and shannon got along wonderfully so he met us at illusions for a cool beer (it was hot and hell yesterday!!!) and introduced us to the owner there and we got invited to his (owners) illusion show fri/sat nights.
turns out kelly and shannon knew a few of the same people. she interns at clayworks and he knows some of that group, so when we lef they were still hanging out.
bow chica wow wow.
he was super sweet and nice and attractive. and had hilarious tatoos.
and now i am intruiged to go to his shows, i know he plays around here a lot.
then we went to this woman Amy LaVere (? i think thats it but chris has the cd in his car) she was a sweet tennesse upright bass player. tiny little woman. big voice. nora jones meets regina spektor.
her encore performance was at Baltimore Chop books (http://www.baltimorechop.com/wc.dll?main~bd)
loved her. we bought both her cds and vow to go down there for many more concerts. apparently they have them frequently and always at 8 o clock.
another reason to want to move downtown
so this kind of city time is making me think about moving down to the mt vernon area methinks. i'm encouraging chris into it.
i really really really don't want to move further out of the city. he was thinking cockeysville or perry hall. fuck that.
we can find cooler less expensive (maybe not as big) of apartments down town.
and i wouldn't have to drive so much!
and i could find a better job down there
my friend adri said Kiss Cafe was hiring and she knows the manager and just got a job there herself. so depending on how tomorrow goes i may head down there with chris on a day off and try to apply.
i am feeling a real need to start over.
fresh.