11 months...update?
I just realized I haven't posted anything on here since January. Now it's November. Not too many surprising things have been happening to me.
Today, I was talking to my aunt on the phone, and we started talking about Thanksgiving food, and then I realized how much I was craving it. So, you know what I did? I went to the grocery store, bought the ingredients, and made my very first ever turkey dinner.
I did not enter the turkey dinner feat with very much confidence. You see, growing up in my family, cooking dinner for big holiday's was considered to be some sort of...honor? I don't know. My mother would make the turkey and the traditional Italian meatball stuffing (sounds weird, but if you want to know more about it, just ask). And she always talked it up...like it was soooo difficult to make...that it was so hard and required skill. My aunt pointed this out to me on the phone this morning, that it was always a "revered" practice in our family to go through the trouble to make this food. After my experience with it today, It is NOT difficult to do. I made the meatball stuffing (basically a stuffing made with ground beef, seasoned just the way we make meatballs) and it tasted exactly like what my mom used to make.
I consider myself a humble person, especially when it comes to cooking, but my turkey was absolutely phenomenal. It wasn't dry at all, very juicy (even though I don't like that word for some reason) and had wonderful flavor. I was really proud of myself.
One of the bigger reasons I went through all the trouble to cook a big dinner today was because I knew my husband would like it. He said "thanks for making dinner" and said it was good. That should be enough for me, but it wasn't. All day long I had been watching a Harry Potter marathon on TV and when he got home after we ate he kept changing the channel so he could watch "COPS". How ridiculous. I know we've seen those movies a million times, but I like watching them over and over. There are lots of people that have certain movies that they like to watch over and over. So I'm not abnormal in that area. But he just kept whining. He would change it back to harry potter during the commercials. And then change it back to cops when commercials were over. So after I cleaned the kitchen (I only say "I" instead of "we" because the only thing he did was put a couple leftovers in the fridge without covering them first) I went to the other room so I could watch what I wanted on TV. I finished watching the movie I wanted to see and came back into the living room only to find him playing video games on the XBOX.
Don't get me wrong. I want my husband to have fun and enjoy things. I have no problems with video games, I think they're kinda neat. But I just thought after I've been at work all week, I've not been feeling well, he's been busy all week, that he would actually want to spend time with me. I just wonder why he can't humor me every now and again. There are loads of times when he's watching something on TV that he really likes and I don't change the channel....it's like it's ok for me to endure things I don't enjoy but to ask him to do that without complaining is like asking him to chop off his own arm.
Such a silly little petty problem I'm having. I'm sure this situation is only one example of many petty disputes between men and women across the world. I love my husband. But he sure can be inconsiderate. I'm sure I can be too. But I'm just letting myself briefly complain for a minute.
The last time I wrote here I talked a little about my mother, how at that point I was sustaining a relationship with her. I also mentioned that I didn't expect it to last.
I was right about that one.
This past July my mother found out that I went to see my dad for Independence Day. She found out because she was e-stalking my step mother on facebook. Crazy. Mom started texting me crazy stuff at work and said she found out. I called her that following weekend, and she said a lot of things, including that she did not want a relationship with me as long as I associated with my dad. She set an ultimatum. I made it clear to her that I want both parents in my life, and that my relationship with my dad has nothing to do with her. She said she could not and would not accept it. I told her that it was her decision, to cut things off. Then she denied accountability, saying that it was MY decision whether she has anything to do with me or not . Ridiculous. She knew that I talked to my dad. We had even talked about it before. I asked her why it bothered her now. She said it was because I "did it behind her back". That is so strange to me. Do I need her permission to talk to or see my dad? No. So I haven't called her since. And I know she will never try to contact me (at least not in a good way). I can't live my life based on fear, obligation, or guilt to her. I started going back to therapy right after that phone call. I'm not sure it's helping.
I have a lot of emotions about my mom.Love, Confusion, anger, sadness, hurt. My sister won't talk to me anymore. She's on "mom's side" and refuses to have anything to do with me. She works at the same company I do, and it hurts to see her everyday and know that she cant stand looking at me. I miss making her laugh and hanging out with her on the weekends. Maybe she will come around one day, but I highly doubt it. She remains a treasure in my life, though. It's not the first time our mother has pitted us against each other, only now I'm aware of it. On one hand I'm angry at my sister for being this way toward me, but on the other hand I know what the consequences are for not siding with our mother. I know the place she is in, for I have lived in that place for most of my life.
You can't have it all. For me it is a choice between emotional imprisonment by my mother, or freedom. I chose freedom. My sister remains imprisoned.
I have been trying to make an attempt to feed my soul lately..more than usual. I 've been attempting to make new friends, connect with old ones. I'm trying to be more social. I've been playing music, and that is a wonderful thing for me. I also have a great husband and partner in life (even though I complained about him earlier...) and two wonderful doggies that love me unconditionally.
There are always things to take comfort in if my mind allows me.
2010 has been a rough year. Started out with food poisoning (got it in January....was the worst month of my life). Looking forward to 2011.
Today, I was talking to my aunt on the phone, and we started talking about Thanksgiving food, and then I realized how much I was craving it. So, you know what I did? I went to the grocery store, bought the ingredients, and made my very first ever turkey dinner.
I did not enter the turkey dinner feat with very much confidence. You see, growing up in my family, cooking dinner for big holiday's was considered to be some sort of...honor? I don't know. My mother would make the turkey and the traditional Italian meatball stuffing (sounds weird, but if you want to know more about it, just ask). And she always talked it up...like it was soooo difficult to make...that it was so hard and required skill. My aunt pointed this out to me on the phone this morning, that it was always a "revered" practice in our family to go through the trouble to make this food. After my experience with it today, It is NOT difficult to do. I made the meatball stuffing (basically a stuffing made with ground beef, seasoned just the way we make meatballs) and it tasted exactly like what my mom used to make.
I consider myself a humble person, especially when it comes to cooking, but my turkey was absolutely phenomenal. It wasn't dry at all, very juicy (even though I don't like that word for some reason) and had wonderful flavor. I was really proud of myself.
One of the bigger reasons I went through all the trouble to cook a big dinner today was because I knew my husband would like it. He said "thanks for making dinner" and said it was good. That should be enough for me, but it wasn't. All day long I had been watching a Harry Potter marathon on TV and when he got home after we ate he kept changing the channel so he could watch "COPS". How ridiculous. I know we've seen those movies a million times, but I like watching them over and over. There are lots of people that have certain movies that they like to watch over and over. So I'm not abnormal in that area. But he just kept whining. He would change it back to harry potter during the commercials. And then change it back to cops when commercials were over. So after I cleaned the kitchen (I only say "I" instead of "we" because the only thing he did was put a couple leftovers in the fridge without covering them first) I went to the other room so I could watch what I wanted on TV. I finished watching the movie I wanted to see and came back into the living room only to find him playing video games on the XBOX.
Don't get me wrong. I want my husband to have fun and enjoy things. I have no problems with video games, I think they're kinda neat. But I just thought after I've been at work all week, I've not been feeling well, he's been busy all week, that he would actually want to spend time with me. I just wonder why he can't humor me every now and again. There are loads of times when he's watching something on TV that he really likes and I don't change the channel....it's like it's ok for me to endure things I don't enjoy but to ask him to do that without complaining is like asking him to chop off his own arm.
Such a silly little petty problem I'm having. I'm sure this situation is only one example of many petty disputes between men and women across the world. I love my husband. But he sure can be inconsiderate. I'm sure I can be too. But I'm just letting myself briefly complain for a minute.
The last time I wrote here I talked a little about my mother, how at that point I was sustaining a relationship with her. I also mentioned that I didn't expect it to last.
I was right about that one.
This past July my mother found out that I went to see my dad for Independence Day. She found out because she was e-stalking my step mother on facebook. Crazy. Mom started texting me crazy stuff at work and said she found out. I called her that following weekend, and she said a lot of things, including that she did not want a relationship with me as long as I associated with my dad. She set an ultimatum. I made it clear to her that I want both parents in my life, and that my relationship with my dad has nothing to do with her. She said she could not and would not accept it. I told her that it was her decision, to cut things off. Then she denied accountability, saying that it was MY decision whether she has anything to do with me or not . Ridiculous. She knew that I talked to my dad. We had even talked about it before. I asked her why it bothered her now. She said it was because I "did it behind her back". That is so strange to me. Do I need her permission to talk to or see my dad? No. So I haven't called her since. And I know she will never try to contact me (at least not in a good way). I can't live my life based on fear, obligation, or guilt to her. I started going back to therapy right after that phone call. I'm not sure it's helping.
I have a lot of emotions about my mom.Love, Confusion, anger, sadness, hurt. My sister won't talk to me anymore. She's on "mom's side" and refuses to have anything to do with me. She works at the same company I do, and it hurts to see her everyday and know that she cant stand looking at me. I miss making her laugh and hanging out with her on the weekends. Maybe she will come around one day, but I highly doubt it. She remains a treasure in my life, though. It's not the first time our mother has pitted us against each other, only now I'm aware of it. On one hand I'm angry at my sister for being this way toward me, but on the other hand I know what the consequences are for not siding with our mother. I know the place she is in, for I have lived in that place for most of my life.
You can't have it all. For me it is a choice between emotional imprisonment by my mother, or freedom. I chose freedom. My sister remains imprisoned.
I have been trying to make an attempt to feed my soul lately..more than usual. I 've been attempting to make new friends, connect with old ones. I'm trying to be more social. I've been playing music, and that is a wonderful thing for me. I also have a great husband and partner in life (even though I complained about him earlier...) and two wonderful doggies that love me unconditionally.
There are always things to take comfort in if my mind allows me.
2010 has been a rough year. Started out with food poisoning (got it in January....was the worst month of my life). Looking forward to 2011.