(no subject)
So much going on lately, in my little world.
The weather has been really cold the past couple of days. It was strange, Sunday we had company and ate out on the deck, and spent much of the day outside. The next day it is sleeting and their is a freeze advisory. Whats up with that?
Things have been great at work. Working on the last quarter of the year, which is supposed to be the toughest. But my numbers have been good and I'm on top.
At home things have been great. Been doing some home improvement stuff. I love my house. Jeremy and I have a lot of fun.
We just rearranged the living room and now we have a big empty space in there. The thought just occured to me last night that the one thing that would look wonderful in that big empty space is an upright piano. For some reason I've always wanted a piano in my home. I don't really know how to play much, I'm a musician so I can pick things out on one, but I just think I like the way they look. Piano's add much character to living space. I've been on craigslist but I haven't looked at the newspapers yet. I'm excited to get one someday soon.
I still struggle often with being shunned from my mother's side of her family, as well from my mother herself. She brought me a lot of anguish and grief, but I love her and always had. I guess I have accepted that she will never change, but wanted to try to have a relationship with her and included in my life anyway. She has rejected those invitations, yet complains to my sister how she misses me. I don't get it. I make contact to open communication, I get a scathing response, and I'm the bad guy. They leave me no where to go, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. If I try to communicate, I'm bad. If I don't try, I'm bad. It is a heavy thing to be the bad person in the family that is blamed for everything. Somehow I learned to be accountable for my own life and happiness even though I grew up with someone who blamed others for her misery and sadness. I wonder how that happened. I think my mother taught me some lessons that she didn't intend on teaching me.
I recently asked my sister for mom's mailing address so I could send her a card or something, just to say I was thinking of her. I don't want to send an email, I get bad responses when I send email. So I guess I will try it another way. If I still get a nasty response at least I know I gave it my best effort and I tried, although I'm sure my mother and her family will beg to differ.
I don't know how many letters I've written without sending to my mom and my family. I guess it is somewhat therapeutic for me. But I've got almost a whole notebook full. Maybe one day I will send them.
I'm just thankful for my husband right now. He makes me happy, and gives me something to look forward to everyday of my life. He is a friend to me, and is always there for me. No one else has given me as much emotional support as he has during this best and worst year of my life. This has been both the best and worst year of my life. IS that possible? Does that make sense?
Yesterday I interviewed a homeless person who has been staying at the Hope Center since June. He is trying to get his life in order. I feel awful for these people, I want to help them so much, but don't know what to do. I pity them, but then I realize that they had to have done something in their lives or make wrong decisions that have put them in the position that they are in. No one wants to be in that position. It makes me so thankful for my own life and all the wonderful people and things I have, not material things, but just security in general.
I have to get back to work now. Lots to do. Until next time............
~Sara J
The weather has been really cold the past couple of days. It was strange, Sunday we had company and ate out on the deck, and spent much of the day outside. The next day it is sleeting and their is a freeze advisory. Whats up with that?
Things have been great at work. Working on the last quarter of the year, which is supposed to be the toughest. But my numbers have been good and I'm on top.
At home things have been great. Been doing some home improvement stuff. I love my house. Jeremy and I have a lot of fun.
We just rearranged the living room and now we have a big empty space in there. The thought just occured to me last night that the one thing that would look wonderful in that big empty space is an upright piano. For some reason I've always wanted a piano in my home. I don't really know how to play much, I'm a musician so I can pick things out on one, but I just think I like the way they look. Piano's add much character to living space. I've been on craigslist but I haven't looked at the newspapers yet. I'm excited to get one someday soon.
I still struggle often with being shunned from my mother's side of her family, as well from my mother herself. She brought me a lot of anguish and grief, but I love her and always had. I guess I have accepted that she will never change, but wanted to try to have a relationship with her and included in my life anyway. She has rejected those invitations, yet complains to my sister how she misses me. I don't get it. I make contact to open communication, I get a scathing response, and I'm the bad guy. They leave me no where to go, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard spot. If I try to communicate, I'm bad. If I don't try, I'm bad. It is a heavy thing to be the bad person in the family that is blamed for everything. Somehow I learned to be accountable for my own life and happiness even though I grew up with someone who blamed others for her misery and sadness. I wonder how that happened. I think my mother taught me some lessons that she didn't intend on teaching me.
I recently asked my sister for mom's mailing address so I could send her a card or something, just to say I was thinking of her. I don't want to send an email, I get bad responses when I send email. So I guess I will try it another way. If I still get a nasty response at least I know I gave it my best effort and I tried, although I'm sure my mother and her family will beg to differ.
I don't know how many letters I've written without sending to my mom and my family. I guess it is somewhat therapeutic for me. But I've got almost a whole notebook full. Maybe one day I will send them.
I'm just thankful for my husband right now. He makes me happy, and gives me something to look forward to everyday of my life. He is a friend to me, and is always there for me. No one else has given me as much emotional support as he has during this best and worst year of my life. This has been both the best and worst year of my life. IS that possible? Does that make sense?
Yesterday I interviewed a homeless person who has been staying at the Hope Center since June. He is trying to get his life in order. I feel awful for these people, I want to help them so much, but don't know what to do. I pity them, but then I realize that they had to have done something in their lives or make wrong decisions that have put them in the position that they are in. No one wants to be in that position. It makes me so thankful for my own life and all the wonderful people and things I have, not material things, but just security in general.
I have to get back to work now. Lots to do. Until next time............
~Sara J