raw sugar
it is apparent how surreal everything seems to be. this perpetual idiosyncrasy, the constant scurrying to and fro, occuring so fast i realise how i've not stopped to proper take in all that has whizzed by.
last night's talk with mike and WJ was soothing and brought back memories of what seemed like a lifetime before. we discovered how each one of us has made mistakes and how we're both trying to fix things.
sometimes.oh so rarely,i just want to shut everybody out for a while, and some permanently. but i never do in the end, because i am the epitome of Regrets and "wish I could take that back"s. i am innately afraid of being left alone. i wish i didnt care so much abt what others think because its true how you can't please everyone all the time. i try my best to please because i dont like pple being annoyed at me. i've been struggling to hide how i truely feel abt some pple and blatantly expressing the opposite. i hate playing the part of a hypocrite but sometimes its unavoidable in order to not hurt your friends. i have a tendency to morph into an escapist when there are awful things i refuse to face up to :( i wish i had more guts to face up to them. and also to be less judgemental.
another thing is how im tired of trying to decipher what pple really mean through their actions and words or lack thereof. im not the most perceptive of persons and am rather thick in the head. i'm done with trying to unravelling the thoughts of pple around me, if only thoughts were that easily transmitted into minds. it would be much simpler if everyone important to me just told me exactly what they thought, thankyou
i miss my girlfriends :( yesterday, shalom and jade made me realise how much of a girl i really still am. i have such awesome friends, even after leaving labs in such a bad mood, the hour of boyband pop song singing on chairs in my room was somewhat therapeutic <3
i must remind myself how these days have been beautiful (: its a wonderful thing to feel special