(no subject)
i dont bury my emotions deep inside me
i face them i awknowledge them and then i ask those feelings to leave until i face them again and im ready to realese all my trauma from the last 10 years
i want to release all of it
i used to lay on my bed and john of gods sprits would let me see myself releasing this trauma
i can go inside of my head and think about myself
i will see me seperated from myself but that self would be sobbing uncontrolably i would see another me screaming i would sit in bed and meditate with my eyes closed and just watch MYSELF in my head play out all of the trauma for the last 10 years.
it wasnt easy to stay alive.
i cry for my mother who has so much rage and hate against me because her mother never loved her but im my grandmas favorite.
she helped keep me alive.
jelousy and rage has ruled over my grandmas children their whole life. not one of them escape it.
i hate my little sister because she is a selfish snooty cunt bitch. but im damn sure proud of her and i damn sure would be there if she needed me. i love her to death but i hate her too. shes not living right. shes resentful towards me. shes mean but a great mother. i dont care to get to know her.
jonathan had a great heart. my mom ruined him. she hates him because of his father. sometimes i wonder if he thinks he doesnt deserve a home because my mother doent love him . does jonathan love himself? i dont understand this blockage or did i just explain it.. he buries who he really is and his bad actions and behaviors deep inside himself and when i drew this emotion up out of him he couldnt handle it at all but i saw my brother that day. i screamed at him the truth about himself and he didnt run away his body stayed right there but something is broken in his mind. jonathan is a great person. he has love like me. because of me. i chose to leave them there alone with my crazy druggie mother while i went to college i had to escape she was turning to me she was trying to beat on me when she divorced jonathans dad trying to provoke me into fist fighting with her and i refused. i went to college because i could do nothing else to save ME. my sister resents me because i never called my mother or them. my aunts and uncles are jelouse that my grandma helped me with college.
so i graduate from college and got thrown into the lions den and i did what i needed to
do to stay
ALIVE
for US
this is it. we cant start this life over we cant do this again.
we dont have to.
a lot of people have physically beat me down and tried to kill me in the past 10 years
but im not afraid to die.
and i like pain.
God is not going to take me from this world until im DONE.
i face them i awknowledge them and then i ask those feelings to leave until i face them again and im ready to realese all my trauma from the last 10 years
i want to release all of it
i used to lay on my bed and john of gods sprits would let me see myself releasing this trauma
i can go inside of my head and think about myself
i will see me seperated from myself but that self would be sobbing uncontrolably i would see another me screaming i would sit in bed and meditate with my eyes closed and just watch MYSELF in my head play out all of the trauma for the last 10 years.
it wasnt easy to stay alive.
i cry for my mother who has so much rage and hate against me because her mother never loved her but im my grandmas favorite.
she helped keep me alive.
jelousy and rage has ruled over my grandmas children their whole life. not one of them escape it.
i hate my little sister because she is a selfish snooty cunt bitch. but im damn sure proud of her and i damn sure would be there if she needed me. i love her to death but i hate her too. shes not living right. shes resentful towards me. shes mean but a great mother. i dont care to get to know her.
jonathan had a great heart. my mom ruined him. she hates him because of his father. sometimes i wonder if he thinks he doesnt deserve a home because my mother doent love him . does jonathan love himself? i dont understand this blockage or did i just explain it.. he buries who he really is and his bad actions and behaviors deep inside himself and when i drew this emotion up out of him he couldnt handle it at all but i saw my brother that day. i screamed at him the truth about himself and he didnt run away his body stayed right there but something is broken in his mind. jonathan is a great person. he has love like me. because of me. i chose to leave them there alone with my crazy druggie mother while i went to college i had to escape she was turning to me she was trying to beat on me when she divorced jonathans dad trying to provoke me into fist fighting with her and i refused. i went to college because i could do nothing else to save ME. my sister resents me because i never called my mother or them. my aunts and uncles are jelouse that my grandma helped me with college.
so i graduate from college and got thrown into the lions den and i did what i needed to
do to stay
ALIVE
for US
this is it. we cant start this life over we cant do this again.
we dont have to.
a lot of people have physically beat me down and tried to kill me in the past 10 years
but im not afraid to die.
and i like pain.
God is not going to take me from this world until im DONE.