ha'ner nimhal b'or ha'yareach
i'm left with just a few spare moments of normalcy before this weekend of secrets and hypocrisy begins. before i have to turn myself into something im not in order to preserve the sanctity of family and be with people that i love. i dread and loathe these days before they come, but at the same time they have their own redeeming qualities. forced exclusion from general society, a new set of rules that i must follow, old traditions-- they provide a break for me, mentally, physically. a much needed seperation from my life. i look at these shabboses the way i used to regard taking baths when i was little. i dreaded, i kicked i screamed, i went in crying. but once i was in, i never wanted to get out.
i just came back form nyssma. still beaming. relieved and a little sad. so much time and work and worry-- and its all over. i gave it my best shot-- and i'm completely proud of myself. sight reading was shaky, nothing i didnt expect-- but my piece went incredibly. i tried to keep my composure as the song ended, like kap told me to, but i just couldn't help the smiles that broke through, knowing i finally did something well. my judge was beaming too-- i guess it was infectious. im really happy.
i think my cousins just got here. i love them to death. i'll speak to you all on sunday....
i just came back form nyssma. still beaming. relieved and a little sad. so much time and work and worry-- and its all over. i gave it my best shot-- and i'm completely proud of myself. sight reading was shaky, nothing i didnt expect-- but my piece went incredibly. i tried to keep my composure as the song ended, like kap told me to, but i just couldn't help the smiles that broke through, knowing i finally did something well. my judge was beaming too-- i guess it was infectious. im really happy.
i think my cousins just got here. i love them to death. i'll speak to you all on sunday....