don't wish, don't start wishing only wounds the heart
i feel content. sitting in the half dark in my computer room and thinking about my friends and singing wicked to myself. because i just get nice like that. i know this is ridiculously geeky (plus sam said it already) but i really had a good time at the ap review class tonight, it was small, just with people i enjoy being around, and ms. stanek was so cute, acting like a teenager and laughing at our little shticks (such a jew). she should wear jeans more often. i love this song. god, imagine if i was mute. when i think about it, i sing to myself whenever im alone. ALL THE TIME. it makes me so completely happy, i dont know what i would do if i couldn't sing anymore.
i took a little break with this entry... but im back. and im still happy, but different. and i've come to the conclusion that liking someone is a truly horrible feeling. it only gets better with reciprocation, and until then all it is is a horrible sense of vulnerability and anticipation. you start (well i start) to doubt myself, and put myself down, brace myself for rejection, convince myself its not worth it etc, etc etc. sams says crushs with possibilities are better than none at all. i suppose so. i always have them though, and if i don't its only because i'm getting over a failed attempt to make something work. but i don't think about him anymore. not until this summer anyway.... the thing is, along with all that horrible stuff, is the incredible feeling that comes whenever he smiles in your direction.
enough of that. well in conclusion-- i love my friends for being who they are, and for loving me for who i am. and i really appreciated them today and want them to know that. you should say these things when you feel them, because heaven knows when your next chance might be.
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in
i took a little break with this entry... but im back. and im still happy, but different. and i've come to the conclusion that liking someone is a truly horrible feeling. it only gets better with reciprocation, and until then all it is is a horrible sense of vulnerability and anticipation. you start (well i start) to doubt myself, and put myself down, brace myself for rejection, convince myself its not worth it etc, etc etc. sams says crushs with possibilities are better than none at all. i suppose so. i always have them though, and if i don't its only because i'm getting over a failed attempt to make something work. but i don't think about him anymore. not until this summer anyway.... the thing is, along with all that horrible stuff, is the incredible feeling that comes whenever he smiles in your direction.
enough of that. well in conclusion-- i love my friends for being who they are, and for loving me for who i am. and i really appreciated them today and want them to know that. you should say these things when you feel them, because heaven knows when your next chance might be.
Ev'ry so often we long to steal
To the land of what-might-have-been
But that doesn't soften the ache we feel
When reality sets back in