recap
So I went to school to visit people this weekend. Unfortunately I got myself all worked up about how great it was going to be, how exciting it would be to see everyone and hang out with the people that I thought were having a greater time than me. I get there and realize that everyone is losing it, the fondness I had for my school and the crazy memories are just that and nothing more. I dont know what has happened but it seems like everyone has lost there crazy fun sides. Either that, or they just really didnt want to have fun with me around. I am not saying that I didnt have a good time. I got my one on one catch up time with both Whit and Sam... ran into a few people like my first roommate kim, sara (my first good friend at school), etc.
Everyone that I saw had to know what I was up to... I felt like the conversations made me feel like crap about my lack of true progress. I am a teller at a bank. After spending over $50,000 on my education... I work at a job where I dont think much, process transactions, and try to sell various products to increase customer relationships. It is not like I hate my job or the people... it is just that I feel like I am not challenged very much... and wonder if it was the right choice. I didnt have a lot of options at the time, but I just dont feel like I am utilizing all my skills.
Before I left I got in a huge fight with the boy over his work situation and the stress he was bringing into the relationship. I did miss him alot this weekend because we always have fun doing nothing. I felt really lonely in Salem.. and had a hard time talking about anything besides work because that is all that I do.
My Monday was like a freaky friday. Everything that could possibly go wrong did... the day started with my power going out and ended with my dog randomly peeing on a wall right in front of me. I am trying to keep my composure but no matter what I do I dont feel better. I want to blame it on depression but I am not completely convinced it is that. I just feel very unsatisfied with life, feel like I am never going to make enough money, etc.
I am stuck in a rutt.I wish I would have thought more before I crashed landed in the adult/career drive lifestyle.
Everyone that I saw had to know what I was up to... I felt like the conversations made me feel like crap about my lack of true progress. I am a teller at a bank. After spending over $50,000 on my education... I work at a job where I dont think much, process transactions, and try to sell various products to increase customer relationships. It is not like I hate my job or the people... it is just that I feel like I am not challenged very much... and wonder if it was the right choice. I didnt have a lot of options at the time, but I just dont feel like I am utilizing all my skills.
Before I left I got in a huge fight with the boy over his work situation and the stress he was bringing into the relationship. I did miss him alot this weekend because we always have fun doing nothing. I felt really lonely in Salem.. and had a hard time talking about anything besides work because that is all that I do.
My Monday was like a freaky friday. Everything that could possibly go wrong did... the day started with my power going out and ended with my dog randomly peeing on a wall right in front of me. I am trying to keep my composure but no matter what I do I dont feel better. I want to blame it on depression but I am not completely convinced it is that. I just feel very unsatisfied with life, feel like I am never going to make enough money, etc.
I am stuck in a rutt.I wish I would have thought more before I crashed landed in the adult/career drive lifestyle.