Selling out
The sunshine is the only thing that is keeping me going this weekend. I feel like all of the negative things going on, are just confirming my decision to move back home. People are being lame, the boys are immature, the life is dull, my teachers suck, etc.
I was ditched last night, and then at 12:15 I was beckoned to go out by another group of people. I danced a little, had my ass grabbed by one of the hot guys at school, avoided the wackos... danced with a guy who reminded me of Stuart, etc. Our friend Jenna who came to visit from University of Portland got the most attention. My goodness... every 2 seconds there was a new guy dancing with her. She has a very very skinny frame so it was no surprise (and part of me didn't take it personally because I know that she has an eating disorder) but at the same time I thought it was sad. The men were rewarding her weight woes with attention. Me on the other hand, felt like the ugly friend but whatever... Willamette boys are very strange.
On an even greater note, my father was bitching me out on the phone when I was driving drunk people back from the party, because he was lost. Instead of being patient he just yelled and yelled so I hung up on him twice and then finally met up with him. Everyone was shocked by our yelling match, and me yelling how much I hated my father. Whitney just said, "well i love my dad." Which wasnt exactly what i needed, because I hate remembering how fucked up my family/childhood was.
Life is hard right now because there is not too much to look forward to. Graduation seems more stressful than exciting... more than anything I want some companionship right now, or just knowing I could call someone to take care of me or just hug me until I feel alive again.
I was ditched last night, and then at 12:15 I was beckoned to go out by another group of people. I danced a little, had my ass grabbed by one of the hot guys at school, avoided the wackos... danced with a guy who reminded me of Stuart, etc. Our friend Jenna who came to visit from University of Portland got the most attention. My goodness... every 2 seconds there was a new guy dancing with her. She has a very very skinny frame so it was no surprise (and part of me didn't take it personally because I know that she has an eating disorder) but at the same time I thought it was sad. The men were rewarding her weight woes with attention. Me on the other hand, felt like the ugly friend but whatever... Willamette boys are very strange.
On an even greater note, my father was bitching me out on the phone when I was driving drunk people back from the party, because he was lost. Instead of being patient he just yelled and yelled so I hung up on him twice and then finally met up with him. Everyone was shocked by our yelling match, and me yelling how much I hated my father. Whitney just said, "well i love my dad." Which wasnt exactly what i needed, because I hate remembering how fucked up my family/childhood was.
Life is hard right now because there is not too much to look forward to. Graduation seems more stressful than exciting... more than anything I want some companionship right now, or just knowing I could call someone to take care of me or just hug me until I feel alive again.