(no subject)
around this time last week
i decided i would stop letting other people's problems upset me when i can't do anything about them
i decided i would stop playing the role of someone's mother because i can't change things, i become too emotionally involved in situations that do not even effect me, and then i just feel sad and frustrated
i realize it is in my nature to be a caring person and want to change the world so everyone is happy
but i also realize, i just can't do that and worrying about it all the time doesn't really do much
i also realized how people sortof come and go from your life based on whatever is going on within their own
which i realize, i do to other people as well
it's just the way things go
but there are a few select people within my life that i trust and care about to an extent that those sorts of things never truly strain the friendship...perhaps we don't talk as often or hang out as often, but the caring and trust is still there and things generally don't feel that different regardless of outside circumstances.
i value those relationships greatly and i realize how few friendships we end up having are really like that
sometimes i feel insecure about things that i think threaten those friendships or relationships
because i'd be really sad to see them go to shit the other other things, for numerous reasons, have.
it's not that i want to be bitter or untrusting
it's just that things are the way they are - it's life and it's not going to change
so i want to be able to value the few things i feel are worth valuing while continuing on with my "new" life - the way i am now is nothing like the way i was a year ago. im still emotional, im still sensitive, im still caring and supportive, but i'm just flat out not the same person - where i direct those feelings has really changed except for a few select people and things. i just don't want those to disappear because they are all i consider good in a whole time period that i wish i could erase from my memory.
i realize sometimes the way i express things, or the way things formulate within my mind is complicated
but the underlying essence of it all is really quite simple
i really hope that i haven't erased or dwindled out the wrong parts of my life while depending on others to be with me for a while, because that would be rather disappointing.
i decided i would stop letting other people's problems upset me when i can't do anything about them
i decided i would stop playing the role of someone's mother because i can't change things, i become too emotionally involved in situations that do not even effect me, and then i just feel sad and frustrated
i realize it is in my nature to be a caring person and want to change the world so everyone is happy
but i also realize, i just can't do that and worrying about it all the time doesn't really do much
i also realized how people sortof come and go from your life based on whatever is going on within their own
which i realize, i do to other people as well
it's just the way things go
but there are a few select people within my life that i trust and care about to an extent that those sorts of things never truly strain the friendship...perhaps we don't talk as often or hang out as often, but the caring and trust is still there and things generally don't feel that different regardless of outside circumstances.
i value those relationships greatly and i realize how few friendships we end up having are really like that
sometimes i feel insecure about things that i think threaten those friendships or relationships
because i'd be really sad to see them go to shit the other other things, for numerous reasons, have.
it's not that i want to be bitter or untrusting
it's just that things are the way they are - it's life and it's not going to change
so i want to be able to value the few things i feel are worth valuing while continuing on with my "new" life - the way i am now is nothing like the way i was a year ago. im still emotional, im still sensitive, im still caring and supportive, but i'm just flat out not the same person - where i direct those feelings has really changed except for a few select people and things. i just don't want those to disappear because they are all i consider good in a whole time period that i wish i could erase from my memory.
i realize sometimes the way i express things, or the way things formulate within my mind is complicated
but the underlying essence of it all is really quite simple
i really hope that i haven't erased or dwindled out the wrong parts of my life while depending on others to be with me for a while, because that would be rather disappointing.