(no subject)
The rain, it started tapping on the window near my bed. There was a loophole in my dreaming,
so I got out of it. And to my surprise my eyes were wide and already open.
Just my nightstand and my dresser where those nightmares had just been.
So I dressed myself and left then, out into the gray streets.
But everything seemed different and completely new to me.
The sky, the trees, houses, buildings, even my own body.
And each person I encountered, I couldn't wait to meet.
I came upon a doctor who appeared in quite poor health.
I said "{I am terribly sorry but} there is nothing I can do for you
{that} you can't do for yourself."
He said "Oh yes you can. Just hold my hand. I think that would help."
So I sat with him a while and then I asked him how he felt.
He said, "I think I'm cured. No, in fact, I'm sure.
Thank you Stranger, for your therapeutic smile."
So that is how I learned the lesson that everyone is alone.
And your eyes must do some raining if you are ever going to grow.
But when crying don't help and you can't compose yourself.
It is best to compose a poem, an honest verse of longing or simple song of hope.
That is why I'm singing...
Baby don't worry cause now I got your back. And every time you feel like crying,
I'm gonna try and make you laugh. And if I can't, if it just hurts too bad,
then we will wait for it to pass and I will keep you company
through those days so long and black.
And we'll keep working on the problem we know we'll never solve
Of Love's uneven remainders, our lives are fractions of a whole.
But if the world could remain within a frame like a painting on a wall.
Then I think we would see the beauty.
Then we would stand staring in awe at our still lives posed like a bowl of oranges,
like a story told by the fault lines and the soil.
Today's weather seemed to match my mood. Grey and gloomy. Today wasn't much better then yesterday. My English teacher is being a bitch and won't let me make up a quiz cause it's been over 3 days... she mentioned it once when I got back, wouln't let me take it that afternoon, left, and then we both forgot about it... So now I'm failing English which I have to pass in order to graduate... I hate life so much right now. I want things to get better so badly and I want to stop this pain and get rid of this empty feeling...
So many people came up and gaves me hugs today. People who had only seen the dog a couple of times, but they loved him. I broke down and cried after 2nd while talking to Mere and Adrianne and Beka... I couldn't take it anymore. I hate hate hate crying in public... especially a school. All those questions and explinations. How do you explain what you're feeling? How do you explain that there's a hole inside you that hurts and makes you so sad and angry at the world? I don't think it can be described. It has to be felt. Only the people who have gone through something similar can relate.
God I want this to stop.
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: hows life?
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: you seem distraught
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: given you have the right
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: anything else bothering you?
xxHiddenStarzxx: I have the right?
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: mhm
xxHiddenStarzxx: how so?
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: id go on a shooting rampage if cassius or mohammad were put to sleep
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: granted
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: theyd eat a man before he got the chance
xxHiddenStarzxx: indeed
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: but thats just because they have lions heads
xxHiddenStarzxx: I started crying in school today
xxHiddenStarzxx: and I didn't like it
xxHiddenStarzxx: but I couldn't hold it in anymore
xxHiddenStarzxx: it hurts so much Phil
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: i have no magic words to salve the pain
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: but im sorry that it hurts
xxHiddenStarzxx: i know
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: id give up a brother before i gave up one of my pitbulls
xxHiddenStarzxx: I just want this hurting to stop and the tears to stop and to have my dog back
xxHiddenStarzxx: he didn't do anything to deserve this
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: he was a good dog
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: and your family didnt want him to suffer
xxHiddenStarzxx: he was always there for me to pet and just, relax with, unconditionally
xxHiddenStarzxx: i know
xxHiddenStarzxx: and he's not anymore which is good
xxHiddenStarzxx: but I wish
xxHiddenStarzxx: I wish so bad he was still here
xxHiddenStarzxx: I keep expecting to hear him coming up or down the steps or to be laying there in the kitchen in the morning.. but hes not, and won't ever be, ever again
xxHiddenStarzxx: and I hate it I hate it I hate it
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: thats part of growing up
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: but growing up sucks
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: but michael jackson took over never never land
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: and peter pan and the lost boys are no where to be found
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: so were stuck
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: all we can do is value the time we have
xxHiddenStarzxx: :-\
FLoATiNg wEaSeLs: indeed :-\