"you're always always there for me...you never left my side..."
Lindsey: how was your night?
Loren: ok
Loren: yous?
Lindsey: it was fucking great.
i don't think anything could have made my night any better. there are a million things that could have made it bad...but none of that happened. it was seriously perfect.
we had plans to go to dinner, but jordan got sick so we cancelled them. last night i called him and he told me to be at his house so we can go to dinner. it was great.
when i got to his house i had him open his gifts and he gave me the most precious teddy bear. i love him. and i love jordan. so we went to dinner....i ran into some kids i knew. and some i haven't seen in years. we ate dinner together. this was our first date and we went to the olive garden. the food was amazing. it took us forever to get a table, but it was great there. then we left and went back to his house.
we had fun. we hung out. we watched aladdin. we hung out. we had fun.
jordan sat there playing guitar and i stared out the window. i started thinking about everyone i knew or once knew and what they mgiht be doing tonight. i thought of julia. so i called her, she never picked up. i think she hates me. i thought of andrea, but i didn't call her because i figured she'd be having sex. i thought of missy and heather, so i called them....i got no answer. then i thought of the worst possible person to think of....but thinking of him made what jordan and i have so much better.
a year ago, andrea was my valentine. alex wanted to be there for me, but since we were having family problems, i had to spend time with my mom. i should have spent more time with my dad while we were having problems.....i regret not doing that. it makes me feel horrible. i was staying at my uncles house in moorpark that week. somehow it just seemed easier. i know i never posted any of this in my LJ last year....so i'm doing it now. february 15th. the last day i ate meat. the beginning of what would crush me.
alex picked me up from school and drove me out to moorpark. he told me he had flowers for me, but since he didn't see me on v-day, he left them at his house or something. whatever. we went to subway....i ate a turkey sub. we went to the park. we went on the swings. fuck that day. i should have spent time with my dad.
tonight i started thinking of what girl he was using now...whose heart is gonna break this time? has he changed? i actually imagined dialing his number just to brag about how i found somebody who really cares about me and that he'll never have that. i give him way too much fucking credit.....
but the best credit i can give to alex is the fact that his breaking me has made me stronger with jordan than i ever thought i could be with one person. i can do anything with jordan. i can be myself comletely with jordan. it's only been three weeks, but i know this is real. i know that what we have is something special. he makes me so happy....and nothing could ever take that away.
i know that i'm a bitch sometimes, and i know i can be a bit rude....but jordan sees past all that. neither of us let anything get to us. in most cases, i would have already gotten into a fight or two...but the only fighting jordan and i do is wrestling....in pudding....chocolate pudding.
i still wonder what everyone is doing tonight, and how many people are as hapy as i am. i've never been more thankful for anything before. tonight just proves to me that everything is going to be okay....and i'm not going to get hurt. after all, that is what i'm afraid of in relationships, isn't it?
Jordan - thank you for giving me everything you have. thank you for a perfect evening. thank you for showing me the best of things, and the potential goodness in them. thank you for making em feel like the world. i love you.
Love.
Loren: ok
Loren: yous?
Lindsey: it was fucking great.
i don't think anything could have made my night any better. there are a million things that could have made it bad...but none of that happened. it was seriously perfect.
we had plans to go to dinner, but jordan got sick so we cancelled them. last night i called him and he told me to be at his house so we can go to dinner. it was great.
when i got to his house i had him open his gifts and he gave me the most precious teddy bear. i love him. and i love jordan. so we went to dinner....i ran into some kids i knew. and some i haven't seen in years. we ate dinner together. this was our first date and we went to the olive garden. the food was amazing. it took us forever to get a table, but it was great there. then we left and went back to his house.
we had fun. we hung out. we watched aladdin. we hung out. we had fun.
jordan sat there playing guitar and i stared out the window. i started thinking about everyone i knew or once knew and what they mgiht be doing tonight. i thought of julia. so i called her, she never picked up. i think she hates me. i thought of andrea, but i didn't call her because i figured she'd be having sex. i thought of missy and heather, so i called them....i got no answer. then i thought of the worst possible person to think of....but thinking of him made what jordan and i have so much better.
a year ago, andrea was my valentine. alex wanted to be there for me, but since we were having family problems, i had to spend time with my mom. i should have spent more time with my dad while we were having problems.....i regret not doing that. it makes me feel horrible. i was staying at my uncles house in moorpark that week. somehow it just seemed easier. i know i never posted any of this in my LJ last year....so i'm doing it now. february 15th. the last day i ate meat. the beginning of what would crush me.
alex picked me up from school and drove me out to moorpark. he told me he had flowers for me, but since he didn't see me on v-day, he left them at his house or something. whatever. we went to subway....i ate a turkey sub. we went to the park. we went on the swings. fuck that day. i should have spent time with my dad.
tonight i started thinking of what girl he was using now...whose heart is gonna break this time? has he changed? i actually imagined dialing his number just to brag about how i found somebody who really cares about me and that he'll never have that. i give him way too much fucking credit.....
but the best credit i can give to alex is the fact that his breaking me has made me stronger with jordan than i ever thought i could be with one person. i can do anything with jordan. i can be myself comletely with jordan. it's only been three weeks, but i know this is real. i know that what we have is something special. he makes me so happy....and nothing could ever take that away.
i know that i'm a bitch sometimes, and i know i can be a bit rude....but jordan sees past all that. neither of us let anything get to us. in most cases, i would have already gotten into a fight or two...but the only fighting jordan and i do is wrestling....in pudding....chocolate pudding.
i still wonder what everyone is doing tonight, and how many people are as hapy as i am. i've never been more thankful for anything before. tonight just proves to me that everything is going to be okay....and i'm not going to get hurt. after all, that is what i'm afraid of in relationships, isn't it?
Jordan - thank you for giving me everything you have. thank you for a perfect evening. thank you for showing me the best of things, and the potential goodness in them. thank you for making em feel like the world. i love you.
Love.