Well..
Okay so I had one of those really long journals and bleh it didn't work, so fuck that.
It basically talked about how hanging out with Cam, Curtis, and Rachael was.. Then on about Alix's house.. And finally about how my parents are selfish with their decisions lately.
Well anyway.. Wow I have hung out with Samantha for the past 4 or 5 days... I've lost count. She has now left... however I find it comforting to have someone always there. I do not know why.. There were times when she left.. but that was also good because we got our space and whatnot.. But I really enjoy having her around all the time.. Or at least the company its really wonderful. I don't know I think a lot of my problems come from the fact that I am so alone at home. *sighs*
Anyway.. I've been also hanging out with my good old neighbor Yvo.. Hes a fun guy.. heh hes like a brother to me.. which I also enjoy having.. I am really going to miss him when he moves to Holland.
*sighs* On to my world of Alix. I am worried about him yes.. very worried.. I have to stop myself from checking up on him every five minutes because my head it that locked on thoughts lately. It made me happy though that he contacted me while he was away... I mean sure he was bored out of his mind.. but it was nice.
I have also come to terms with everything and now I am happy that he is with someone that can make him happier than I could.. I just want him happy.. Just like I did with everyone I like.. I seem to get to this conclusion every time.. Maybe this will mean I will stop liking him soon.. I just hope he didn't read that because I told him I didn't in order to not bother him with that thought in his head. *sighs* I don't know.
I don't know about anything anymore.. everything is blank and dead feel practically, sure I have some fun times which Im thankful for the fact that I know I personally am not depressed but lately, my angry and sad bouts are increasing and they are less controlled.. I think I might have a trigger for my chemical depression because I myself am normally happy unless.. I just get all bleh.. like I am right now. I don't know I don't know... I hate my head.. At least it wasn't like yesterday where I flipped out and wow.. I feel really bad about that! Sorry Sam and Yvo!!!! :( I went crazy.. it scared me.. when my mom was doing my hair also.. wow.. I was crying and I couldn't seem to stop thinking about how I just need to die and get away because Im not worth it to anyone.. and wow.. I know thats not true yet.. *sighs* I don't want to be depressed I liked being happy, it was fun!!! Oh I just hope things improve.
You know I really do hate these things at the same time as liking them.. I feel so self centered in talking about myself.. but its all I really know because I am me.. I don't know.. Im just crazy..
-Alisa
It basically talked about how hanging out with Cam, Curtis, and Rachael was.. Then on about Alix's house.. And finally about how my parents are selfish with their decisions lately.
Well anyway.. Wow I have hung out with Samantha for the past 4 or 5 days... I've lost count. She has now left... however I find it comforting to have someone always there. I do not know why.. There were times when she left.. but that was also good because we got our space and whatnot.. But I really enjoy having her around all the time.. Or at least the company its really wonderful. I don't know I think a lot of my problems come from the fact that I am so alone at home. *sighs*
Anyway.. I've been also hanging out with my good old neighbor Yvo.. Hes a fun guy.. heh hes like a brother to me.. which I also enjoy having.. I am really going to miss him when he moves to Holland.
*sighs* On to my world of Alix. I am worried about him yes.. very worried.. I have to stop myself from checking up on him every five minutes because my head it that locked on thoughts lately. It made me happy though that he contacted me while he was away... I mean sure he was bored out of his mind.. but it was nice.
I have also come to terms with everything and now I am happy that he is with someone that can make him happier than I could.. I just want him happy.. Just like I did with everyone I like.. I seem to get to this conclusion every time.. Maybe this will mean I will stop liking him soon.. I just hope he didn't read that because I told him I didn't in order to not bother him with that thought in his head. *sighs* I don't know.
I don't know about anything anymore.. everything is blank and dead feel practically, sure I have some fun times which Im thankful for the fact that I know I personally am not depressed but lately, my angry and sad bouts are increasing and they are less controlled.. I think I might have a trigger for my chemical depression because I myself am normally happy unless.. I just get all bleh.. like I am right now. I don't know I don't know... I hate my head.. At least it wasn't like yesterday where I flipped out and wow.. I feel really bad about that! Sorry Sam and Yvo!!!! :( I went crazy.. it scared me.. when my mom was doing my hair also.. wow.. I was crying and I couldn't seem to stop thinking about how I just need to die and get away because Im not worth it to anyone.. and wow.. I know thats not true yet.. *sighs* I don't want to be depressed I liked being happy, it was fun!!! Oh I just hope things improve.
You know I really do hate these things at the same time as liking them.. I feel so self centered in talking about myself.. but its all I really know because I am me.. I don't know.. Im just crazy..
-Alisa