FIC: Here We'll Stay Excellently (Doctor / Rose) PG
Title: Here We'll Stay Excellently
Author: Jess
Character / Pairing: Rose, implied Doctor/Rose
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~ 1900
Disclaimer: BBC blah blah blah. I'm broke and if I had the Doctor at my disposal I would not be writing about him.
Spoilers: Through "Doomsday"
Summary: An excerpt from a bundle of letters Rose wrote to the Doctor.
Author's Notes: Millions of thanks to my long-suffering beta, erin2326.
XxX
9 July 2006
You can't be gone. I'm writing this down because I think I must be going crazy. Maybe it's a really, really bad dream. I'm going to keep writing until I wake up. I pinched myself, but nothing happened.
Maybe we're on some stupid planet and you let them drug us. I bet you're laughing at me right now 'cause I'm drooling in the corner while you sip tea. 'Cause nothing ever affects you. I bet that's it. When I come out of this, you're going to pay. I know where you sleep, you know.
You're not gone, because you wouldn't leave me. You would have come after me even if it meant tearing a hole in Time. I know you would.
I would have done it for you.
15 July 2006
Why? Why did it have to go like this? Didn't you know? Couldn't you have said? You knew Harriet Jones would be Prime Minister. Why not this? You knew.
Forever. You let me believe forever. I can't forgive you.
I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. There's a hole in my heart...in my body. I can't even fill up at tea, because you're not here. Does that make sense? You used to ask where I put it all... now I can't put it anywhere. Those little white biscuits with the nuts that Mum makes always remind me of you. I never even thought you could be allergic. It made you so real, so human.
Why did you do this? Why did you strand me? I hate it here. You always said you loved it, but it's a prison.
What did I do? I though we were I know I messed up a lot, but I thought it was okay. I can do better. Please, Doctor, came back and let me fix it. Please, please let me fix it.
Was it because I touched the Dalek in the first place? That's why... can't we go and undo it? I know you said.... just, please, give me a chance. I can do it better. I won't mess up, I won't wander off, I won't disobey. I'll be a sidekick, a shadow, anything you want. I'll even stay in the TARDIS... just please come back. Please set me free.
17 July 2006
I'm going to write you every day. When you come for me, we can celebrate and burn these letters.
I never got to ask what the TARDIS is like when you someone leaves. Is she sad? Does she notice?
It's too hard without you. I have faith that you will be back for me soon. I've never believed anything so strongly. If anyone can find a way, you can. After all, we got here by accident, and I just know you're coming back.
I used to have such vivid dreams when I traveled with you. Did I tell you? Sometimes you were in them, sometimes Mickey or Mum - even my Great Aunt Nan once in awhile. Did I ever tell you about Nan? She was my favorite relative after Mum. She taught me to play canasta when I was little. She was married to an American soldier during WWII --- I wonder if Jack knew him. He died in the war. She kept a picture of him on her mantle even after she married my Great Uncle Scoob (I think his name was Paul, but everyone called him Scoob). I don't have a picture of you. Why? I have a picture of Jack --- we're in one of those booths that take your picture. We had them done just under the Eye. Why didn't we get a picture?
It doesn't matter. I remember everything. Sometimes, when I smell lemons, I think of the way the TARDIS smelled when you showered. I always wondered why you didn't smell like lemons. Today, I was walking over a sewer grate, and I was sure I heard the TARDIS' engines. It wasn't anything but the water running below, but all the same...I'll take you there and have you listen.
I miss you. I can't wait to see you again.
18 July 2006
Why aren't you here yet? This is just ridiculous. You must be working day and night, and yet you're not here. This must be some puzzle if you haven't got it worked out yet. And here I thought you were clever.
Mickey came by today. He doesn't think you'll come back. Mum agrees, but she won't say. It's funny --- I think she misses you. Can you imagine?? I'm going to have her put it in writing after she's had a glass or two of wine. We can blackmail her with it later. Pete won't say anything, either. I think he pities me. I wonder if he'll be Dad to me one day again.
I'm trying to be patient. Like I started to say yesterday, I used to have such fanciful dreams when I was with you. Now I hardly have any at all. It's just another thing to miss. I'd give up dreams forever to be with you again, though. I'd give up anything --- even chips. Ha!
You never told me what your favorite thing to eat was. Do you have a favorite? Remember when we ate txistorra in Pamplona? When was that? 15-something, I think. And then you ordered that octopus! Your face was priceless. I couldn't believe you actually ate it! Or that plate of things in shells on that planet with all the red flowers (which you told me not to lick as they tasted like ipecac... as if I would have been the one to taste them)... what was that place called? Spino something... Spinosissima! I remember one of the shell things tried to roll away from you, and you ordered it to stay put, and it did! I was horrified... but you ate that too.
I wish I had written it all down then. I can't remember what the sky over Spinosissima looked like or what flavor the grass was on Gallica. I can remember you though... little things, lots of them. Sometimes, I'll be doing something silly, something you'd laugh at, and I'll look up, but you're not here to see it and laugh with me. Just today, I was trying to reach a box on the top shelf in my closet, and rather than go into the hall cupboard for a stool, I balanced on a shoe rack and trunk lid. If you'd have been there, you would have laughed and pulled it down for me... but you weren't, and you didn't.
Get here fast, Doctor. I want to taste the grass on Gallica and pick the ipecac flowers.
I'll wait forever for you, but I'd really rather not.
21 July 2006
You're not coming back, are you?
It rained all day, thunder and lightening... Had you been here, you would have made me run in the rain with you. I didn't even get dressed.
Please come back.
25 July 2006
I thought I saw you today. Mum dragged me to the shops. She said I'm acting pathetic. I'm not though... I'm just tired. Anyway, I went with her. I was standing outside a shop while Mum paid for her clothes, and I saw a guy in a brown suit drop to his knees in the park and push his face close to the grass -- it was something you'd do. When I got closer, I saw that he wasn't wearing shoes. He was homeless.
Mum said I was crying, but I don't remember.
I just want you back so badly, I... come back, Doctor. Please.
1 August 2006
I'm glad you'll never read these. I don't even like to read them. Still, it's been a week, and I've heard nothing from you. Are you making me wait because I disobeyed you? Did you send me to this world because you didn't want me?
What if you never come back? What will I do? I know too much now, I can't just go back to my old life, you know. I can't even go back to Mickey because you've changed him, too. He deserves better than me... maybe you do too. Mum doesn't want to talk about it - she's happier than I've ever seen her. She's even happy when she bickers with Pete. He seems to like my Mum a lot... I think he likes her even more than his Jackie. I can't even look up Sarah Jane... if this world has one, she's not going to be the same.
You'll come back, though. I know it.
10 11 August 2006
Technically, I missed yesterday by twenty minutes. Mickey convinced me to go to Torchwood with him and Jake. They're trying to reorganize it, and they think I can help. I know I can't... but I feel you in that room. The wall where we... it's smudged. I leaned there again... did you do the same thing? I felt you, I know I did. I looked... there are cracks all along the baseboards and where it meets the other walls... maybe one of those cracks leads me to you. Maybe if you go to that room in the other Torchwood... we can fix it together. That's where I was all day. because if there is this Rift, there have got to be others. Why didn't I ever ask you?
I'm going to try to dream of you tonight. I do every night... I already can't remember exactly what your jacket felt like under my fingertips. I hope I'll remember in a dream. What do you dream about, Doctor? Do you dream? Or is there so much going on in your mind all day, at night you just rest? Come to it, I don't remember ever seeing you sleep. Did you wait for me to go first?
It's early, really, but I'm tired. I'll write you again tomorrow.
Your Rose
17 August 2006
No dreams came. You haven't come.
It's later. I wrote that first bit this morning. I was pretty angry, really. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I haven't had a dream since my last night on board the TARDIS. I hardly thought to remember it at the time... if I'd known it was going to be my last, I'd have made more of an effort. The last dream I do remember was about you (naturally). It was like you and the other you, the first you. We were somewhere I'd never been, but I remember being outside of something looking into a beautiful city. We weren't allowed in for some reason - when I asked why, you turned and looked at me - and this is when I knew I saw both of you, and maybe more because your eyes weren't their usual brown. They were shining like Thames at night when it catches the lights of the Eye on the waves... shifting and lit from within. You said, "hic manebimus optime." I never took Latin, not a second of it, and I know I would never have recognized it but for the TARDIS. Why didn't we stay?
Maybe I'm not supposed to dream because the psychic link with the TARDIS has been broken. Just another thing to miss.
Come back to me, Doctor. Bring me my dreams back.
XxX
Author: Jess
Character / Pairing: Rose, implied Doctor/Rose
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~ 1900
Disclaimer: BBC blah blah blah. I'm broke and if I had the Doctor at my disposal I would not be writing about him.
Spoilers: Through "Doomsday"
Summary: An excerpt from a bundle of letters Rose wrote to the Doctor.
Author's Notes: Millions of thanks to my long-suffering beta, erin2326.
XxX
9 July 2006
You can't be gone. I'm writing this down because I think I must be going crazy. Maybe it's a really, really bad dream. I'm going to keep writing until I wake up. I pinched myself, but nothing happened.
Maybe we're on some stupid planet and you let them drug us. I bet you're laughing at me right now 'cause I'm drooling in the corner while you sip tea. 'Cause nothing ever affects you. I bet that's it. When I come out of this, you're going to pay. I know where you sleep, you know.
You're not gone, because you wouldn't leave me. You would have come after me even if it meant tearing a hole in Time. I know you would.
I would have done it for you.
15 July 2006
Why? Why did it have to go like this? Didn't you know? Couldn't you have said? You knew Harriet Jones would be Prime Minister. Why not this? You knew.
Forever. You let me believe forever. I can't forgive you.
I miss you. I miss you so much it hurts. There's a hole in my heart...in my body. I can't even fill up at tea, because you're not here. Does that make sense? You used to ask where I put it all... now I can't put it anywhere. Those little white biscuits with the nuts that Mum makes always remind me of you. I never even thought you could be allergic. It made you so real, so human.
Why did you do this? Why did you strand me? I hate it here. You always said you loved it, but it's a prison.
What did I do? I though we were I know I messed up a lot, but I thought it was okay. I can do better. Please, Doctor, came back and let me fix it. Please, please let me fix it.
Was it because I touched the Dalek in the first place? That's why... can't we go and undo it? I know you said.... just, please, give me a chance. I can do it better. I won't mess up, I won't wander off, I won't disobey. I'll be a sidekick, a shadow, anything you want. I'll even stay in the TARDIS... just please come back. Please set me free.
17 July 2006
I'm going to write you every day. When you come for me, we can celebrate and burn these letters.
I never got to ask what the TARDIS is like when you someone leaves. Is she sad? Does she notice?
It's too hard without you. I have faith that you will be back for me soon. I've never believed anything so strongly. If anyone can find a way, you can. After all, we got here by accident, and I just know you're coming back.
I used to have such vivid dreams when I traveled with you. Did I tell you? Sometimes you were in them, sometimes Mickey or Mum - even my Great Aunt Nan once in awhile. Did I ever tell you about Nan? She was my favorite relative after Mum. She taught me to play canasta when I was little. She was married to an American soldier during WWII --- I wonder if Jack knew him. He died in the war. She kept a picture of him on her mantle even after she married my Great Uncle Scoob (I think his name was Paul, but everyone called him Scoob). I don't have a picture of you. Why? I have a picture of Jack --- we're in one of those booths that take your picture. We had them done just under the Eye. Why didn't we get a picture?
It doesn't matter. I remember everything. Sometimes, when I smell lemons, I think of the way the TARDIS smelled when you showered. I always wondered why you didn't smell like lemons. Today, I was walking over a sewer grate, and I was sure I heard the TARDIS' engines. It wasn't anything but the water running below, but all the same...I'll take you there and have you listen.
I miss you. I can't wait to see you again.
18 July 2006
Why aren't you here yet? This is just ridiculous. You must be working day and night, and yet you're not here. This must be some puzzle if you haven't got it worked out yet. And here I thought you were clever.
Mickey came by today. He doesn't think you'll come back. Mum agrees, but she won't say. It's funny --- I think she misses you. Can you imagine?? I'm going to have her put it in writing after she's had a glass or two of wine. We can blackmail her with it later. Pete won't say anything, either. I think he pities me. I wonder if he'll be Dad to me one day again.
I'm trying to be patient. Like I started to say yesterday, I used to have such fanciful dreams when I was with you. Now I hardly have any at all. It's just another thing to miss. I'd give up dreams forever to be with you again, though. I'd give up anything --- even chips. Ha!
You never told me what your favorite thing to eat was. Do you have a favorite? Remember when we ate txistorra in Pamplona? When was that? 15-something, I think. And then you ordered that octopus! Your face was priceless. I couldn't believe you actually ate it! Or that plate of things in shells on that planet with all the red flowers (which you told me not to lick as they tasted like ipecac... as if I would have been the one to taste them)... what was that place called? Spino something... Spinosissima! I remember one of the shell things tried to roll away from you, and you ordered it to stay put, and it did! I was horrified... but you ate that too.
I wish I had written it all down then. I can't remember what the sky over Spinosissima looked like or what flavor the grass was on Gallica. I can remember you though... little things, lots of them. Sometimes, I'll be doing something silly, something you'd laugh at, and I'll look up, but you're not here to see it and laugh with me. Just today, I was trying to reach a box on the top shelf in my closet, and rather than go into the hall cupboard for a stool, I balanced on a shoe rack and trunk lid. If you'd have been there, you would have laughed and pulled it down for me... but you weren't, and you didn't.
Get here fast, Doctor. I want to taste the grass on Gallica and pick the ipecac flowers.
I'll wait forever for you, but I'd really rather not.
21 July 2006
You're not coming back, are you?
It rained all day, thunder and lightening... Had you been here, you would have made me run in the rain with you. I didn't even get dressed.
Please come back.
25 July 2006
I thought I saw you today. Mum dragged me to the shops. She said I'm acting pathetic. I'm not though... I'm just tired. Anyway, I went with her. I was standing outside a shop while Mum paid for her clothes, and I saw a guy in a brown suit drop to his knees in the park and push his face close to the grass -- it was something you'd do. When I got closer, I saw that he wasn't wearing shoes. He was homeless.
Mum said I was crying, but I don't remember.
I just want you back so badly, I... come back, Doctor. Please.
1 August 2006
I'm glad you'll never read these. I don't even like to read them. Still, it's been a week, and I've heard nothing from you. Are you making me wait because I disobeyed you? Did you send me to this world because you didn't want me?
What if you never come back? What will I do? I know too much now, I can't just go back to my old life, you know. I can't even go back to Mickey because you've changed him, too. He deserves better than me... maybe you do too. Mum doesn't want to talk about it - she's happier than I've ever seen her. She's even happy when she bickers with Pete. He seems to like my Mum a lot... I think he likes her even more than his Jackie. I can't even look up Sarah Jane... if this world has one, she's not going to be the same.
You'll come back, though. I know it.
10 11 August 2006
Technically, I missed yesterday by twenty minutes. Mickey convinced me to go to Torchwood with him and Jake. They're trying to reorganize it, and they think I can help. I know I can't... but I feel you in that room. The wall where we... it's smudged. I leaned there again... did you do the same thing? I felt you, I know I did. I looked... there are cracks all along the baseboards and where it meets the other walls... maybe one of those cracks leads me to you. Maybe if you go to that room in the other Torchwood... we can fix it together. That's where I was all day. because if there is this Rift, there have got to be others. Why didn't I ever ask you?
I'm going to try to dream of you tonight. I do every night... I already can't remember exactly what your jacket felt like under my fingertips. I hope I'll remember in a dream. What do you dream about, Doctor? Do you dream? Or is there so much going on in your mind all day, at night you just rest? Come to it, I don't remember ever seeing you sleep. Did you wait for me to go first?
It's early, really, but I'm tired. I'll write you again tomorrow.
Your Rose
17 August 2006
No dreams came. You haven't come.
It's later. I wrote that first bit this morning. I was pretty angry, really. I know it doesn't make any sense, but I haven't had a dream since my last night on board the TARDIS. I hardly thought to remember it at the time... if I'd known it was going to be my last, I'd have made more of an effort. The last dream I do remember was about you (naturally). It was like you and the other you, the first you. We were somewhere I'd never been, but I remember being outside of something looking into a beautiful city. We weren't allowed in for some reason - when I asked why, you turned and looked at me - and this is when I knew I saw both of you, and maybe more because your eyes weren't their usual brown. They were shining like Thames at night when it catches the lights of the Eye on the waves... shifting and lit from within. You said, "hic manebimus optime." I never took Latin, not a second of it, and I know I would never have recognized it but for the TARDIS. Why didn't we stay?
Maybe I'm not supposed to dream because the psychic link with the TARDIS has been broken. Just another thing to miss.
Come back to me, Doctor. Bring me my dreams back.
XxX