family portrait [9/10]
title: family portrait
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13 (nc-17 for this chap)
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08
The sun feels warm against his skin, like he's feeling it for the first time. He can hear Masuda's voice, speaking cheerfully to Yu-chan as he pushes his son in one of those swings for babies. Occasionally, Tegoshi hears Yu-chan laugh, that light kind of laugh that makes people smile. On days like this, he likes to imagine Yu-chan is theirs, his and Masuda's. It's biologically impossible, of course, but it made him happy just to picture it.
He's sitting on one of the benches in the park, head back and eyes closed, when he feels Masuda sit down beside him. "You seem brighter lately, Yuya."
"Brighter?" Tegoshi laughs, moves his head so he can look at Masuda.
"You're you again."
Tegoshi smiles, leans forward with his elbows on his knees. Yu-chan makes a sound from the stroller, looks like he's dozed off. "I still don't think Yukari's all that comfortable with me being around."
"She just," he pauses, like he's looking for the least offensive way to put it, "sees you a little different now."
"Because I'm a slut with a drinking problem," he says it bluntly, without humor or sarcasm.
Masuda smacks his head lightly. "You're not either of those things." Tegoshi gives him a look, wordlessly calling him naïve. "Not anymore, at least." He stands, motions to Tegoshi to follow him. "You went through a nasty phase. But you're doing really well. Seriously, you are." Yu-chan starts crying from the stroller, Tegoshi kneels down beside it, lifting him out and holding him in his arms, speaking in a small, high voice and pouting his lips playfully. He looks at Masuda when he hears him laugh. "You look good holding a baby, Yuya."
"Thanks, daddy," he jokes, makes faces at Yu-chan until the crying stops and he laughs. Tegoshi looks at Masuda with a confident smile as he starts walking again, Masuda rolling the stroller behind him.
"How do you do that?" Masuda asks, falling into step beside Tegoshi. "I always end up walking him around for half an hour at least before he quiets down."
Tegoshi laughs, shrugs his shoulders. "I guess I have a talent. And Yu-chan loves his uncle Yuya," he looks back at the baby, holds up a finger for him to grab, "don't you?"
When he looks up, Masuda is smiling at him. "You'd make a really good dad, Yuya." He smiles softly, but wishes Masuda hasn't said that.
++++
He meets Shige for the first time in months at a little shop near Shige's apartment. "I was starting to think you were dead, or at least skipped town."
Tegoshi looks at him over his milkshake, sucking it up through a straw. "I guess I almost was," he says honestly.
"What the hell were you doing for four months?"
"Drinking, fucking, taking a few drugs."
"You’re such a fucking idiot." Shige give him a light punch to the shoulder. "Don't do it again, Tegoshi. Hell, I'm here, you can always talk things out with me."
"Don't worry," he replies, a smile on his face, appreciated Shige's concern. "Taka's helping me out. He's taking good care of me."
"You're okay being around him and his family. The Tegoshi I knew would cry in a corner or start whining to me if he had to be with them all the time."
"Actually, yeah, I'm okay. I've accepted that he won't leave them for me and I understand." Tegoshi sighs, looking down at the table. "Sometimes, I still want him really bad though."
Shige leans close to him, lowering his voice for some reason, like he's talking about something inappropriate. "Have you two talked about, whatever went on between you? Because you really should."
"It's come up. I guess." Tegoshi bites his lip, he can't honestly remember if they've talked through anything. More like vague mentions and non-specific inferences.
"You haven't been…" Shige lets his voice trail off.
"No," his voice is firm. "And I'm insulted by the suggestion that I can't keep my pants on around him."
One of Shige's eyebrows raises up. "Do you kiss each other and thing like that?"
Tegoshi goes back to his milkshake, avoiding Shige's eyes. "Sometimes."
"You two," Shige shakes his head, sipping his coffee. "You're going to end up back in bed again, I know it."
"If we haven't yet, I really don't think-"
"A year ago, you couldn't keep your hands off each other."
"And look where that got me," Tegoshi mumbles, not really caring whether or not Shige heard.
"You're still in love." Tegoshi doesn't respond to that, wraps his lips around his straw. "I'm not saying I like it or it's a good idea, but if you still love each other and you're making out with him-"
"We're not making out." Shige throws him a look. "Not really."
"One day, Massu's going to come back to you and - I know you, Tegoshi - you not going to resist him. I'm just warning you."
It's quiet for a while, Tegoshi trying to avoid Shige's knowing looks. "Takahisa loves his family."
"And he loves you."
"Are you fucking Kei-chan yet?" Tegoshi changes the subject suddenly, laughs when Shige starts stuttering over nonsense words.
++++
What Shige said he tries to forget, tries to ignore, but he can't help thinking about it. About Masuda and his lips and his skin. Sometimes it happens at unfortunate times, like when he's sitting in the living room with Masuda and Yukari and their child. He has to shift his legs to hide the arousal he gets from his own thoughts. It drives him crazy.
When Yukari goes shopping one day, Tegoshi decides to try his luck. If Masuda turns him down, well, he's ready for that. It's a purely physical desire, not some emotional fulfillment. That's what he tells himself.
He tries to think of the best way to go about this, settles for the most forward approach. Masuda is in the kitchen, putting something together for lunch. Tegoshi comes up behind him, arms finding their way around his waist, hands running up his chest. "Yuya, what are you doing?" he asks with a touch of laughter. The amusement dies when Tegoshi runs his tongue along his neck, nibbles at Masuda's earlobe. "Yuya," his voice trembles a bit.
"Massu," he whispers in Masuda's ear, breathy, attempting to be seductive. "I want you so much, Massu." Tegoshi lets one of his hands fall below Masuda's waist, squeezing him through his pants. "I'll give myself to you if you want me."
"Yuya," Masuda tries again to speak, Tegoshi's name coming out more like a moan. He swats Tegoshi's hand away, giving him a serious look. "Don't talk like that, it sounds…dirty."
"Please, Massu," Tegoshi squeezes his arm. "It's just sex. I just want to feel you."
"There's no such thing as just sex." He places a kiss on the side of Tegoshi's face, expression saying he doesn't think he should have done that. "You really screwed yourself up, didn't you." Tegoshi tilts his head to the side, looks at him like he doesn't have a complete understanding of what he's saying. "It's about love, Yuya."
"You could just say no, you don't have to insult me." He pouts his lips, heads out of the kitchen.
"Tesshi." The name makes him stop, turn on his heel in time to feel Masuda's hand on his cheek, lips pressing against his own. Masuda bites down on Tegoshi's bottom lip, tug on it as he pulls away. "I don't want to hurt you."
Tegoshi smiles at him, soft and sweet. "You’re not."
++++
"I hate Valentine's day," Tegoshi mumbles as they walk by another store window decorated with hearts and flowers and arrow wielding babies, in pink and red. "Why do you people need a day to remind people like me that we're alone?"
"You're not alone," Masuda laughs, brushing their hands together. Tegoshi knows he did it on purpose. "But, hey, you're lucky. No one is expecting chocolates and flowers from you."
"You should get me something, too." Masuda stops walking, looks at Tegoshi with slightly widened eyes. "We're kind of a pseudo-couple, aren't we?"
"Yuya," Masuda starts while Tegoshi keeps moving, expecting him to catch up, but he doesn't. "Tesshi." He turns around, the smile on his face becoming slightly less apparent. "I don't want that."
"I was kidding," he says with a giggle. "I don't need anything."
"No, I mean," he reaches out for Tegoshi's hand, grips it tightly, "I don't want to be a fake couple."
++++
Tegoshi falls back in a sofa against the wall in the hotel suite Masuda rented. He looks around, trying to focus on décor and layout instead of his inexplicably pounding heartbeat, tapping his hands on the cushions as the butterflies form in his stomach. Butterflies, how pathetic.
"Something you said the other day has really been bothering me, Tesshi," Masuda says from the counter, pouring himself a glass of wine from a bottle he picked up in the shop downstairs. He called him Tesshi, the implications of that name send a shiver up his spine. "Did anyone you were with, touch you like they loved you?"
"Mm?" He stares at Masuda while he swallows down his drink, Adam's apple bobbing up and down. He doesn't offer any to Tegoshi, but that's not really surprising.
He puts the glass down on the counter. "Do you know what it's supposed to feel like anymore? Love, I mean?"
Tegoshi laughs because it seems like such a stupid question, but he stops when Masuda kneels on the floor, between his knees, kisses the back of his hand. "I- I guess I don't." He reaches out, just to touch Masuda's face and hair, make sure this isn't some cruel dream. He's has plenty of those before. "Show me, Massu. Show me how it feels."
Masuda gets to his feet, takes a seat beside Tegoshi on the sofa, runs fingers through his hair gently, pulling his head closer and kissing his lips softly. He's kissed Masuda dozens of times, but somehow, this gives him a different feeling, almost electrifying if that made any sense. He buries his fingers in Masuda's shirt, sighing as Masuda pokes his tongue against his lips. He slides it between them, licking Tegoshi's teeth.
He feels Masuda tug up on his arm, wrap his arms around his waist as they stand. Tegoshi steps backwards until his legs hit the edge of the large bed on the other side of the room, mouths locked like puzzle pieces that fit together. Masuda lifts him slightly and lowers him onto the bed with the kind of care one would use with an infant. He peels off Tegoshi's clothes, then his own, placing kisses on his stomach, hips, and knees, every movement possessing a gentleness that feels almost foreign.
His nails dig into Masuda's skin, something Tegoshi had consciously avoided doing previously, worrying Yukari would see the marks later. That didn't cross his mind now, though. Tegoshi's back arches, Masuda's fingers curled inside him, whimpering sounds escaping his lips. "Massu, I want to touch you."
"Like this?" he asks, moving his hand.
"Yes," Tegoshi moans, head falling back.
Masuda kisses his forehead, his nose, his lips, lays on his back, his breath hitching when Tegoshi slides a finger inside him, kissing those soft lips as he does.
"What do you want, Tesshi?" he groans as Tegoshi inserts another finger. "Anything you want," Masuda nuzzles his cheek against Tegoshi's, "tell me."
He hesitates for a moment before removing his fingers and scooting up until his back is resting against the head board. "Ride me, Massu." He's almost embarrassed when the words come out of his mouth because it feels like such a dirty thing to say. Masuda doesn't seem opposed to it, though, crawling into Tegoshi's lap.
"I love you, Tesshi," he whispers against his ear as he lowers himself onto Tegoshi. "Oh god, I love you." Maybe for the first time, Tegoshi truly and fully believes him. Masuda takes deep, shaky breaths, Tegoshi puts hands behind his back, feels his body trembling.
"Are you okay?" Masuda nods, takes a few seconds to get used to the feeling, hands tight around Tegoshi's arms. "You sure?" He rolls his hips to answer, the feeling makes Tegoshi moan and toss his head back as Masuda starts to ride him. "It feels so good. Massu feels so good."
"So do you," he pants in response, Tegoshi's lips brushing over the hallow of his throat, tongue licking up beads of sweat that run down his neck. It feels amazing, and if Masuda ever lets him do it again - No. For the sake of his own sanity, he has to think of this as the last time.
"Massu," Tegoshi's voice trembles, his stomach tightening as Masuda takes him in and out of his body. He presses his face into the crook of Masuda's neck, whimpering against it.
He feels Masuda's lips against his hair. "Let go," he whispers. shrugging Tegoshi's head off his shoulder and pressing their foreheads together. He does as Masuda says, biting his lip to hold back a scream.
Masuda lifts himself off him, gives Tegoshi space to slide down, collapsing breathless onto the pillows. He feels Masuda kiss his heaving chest, hard cock brushing against his leg. Tegoshi spreads his thighs for him, unable to speak, but wanting to tell Masuda what he wants. He reaches out, finding Masuda's hand, linking their fingers together.
Through heavy breaths, Tegoshi tries to say, "I love you," but it's silent. Masuda still smiles as if he heard it. He holds Tegoshi's face in his hands, kissed his lips, deep and loving, as he pushes inside, burying himself in completely, coaxing a long, pleasured moan out of Tegoshi.
"I didn't think you'd still be this tight," he says as he pulls out slowly, pausing before he slams back into him, all previous attempts to be gentle and soft apparently thrown out the window. Tegoshi doesn't complain, though. How could he, really.
It's completely different with Masuda than anyone else he remembers being with. He asks if Tegoshi's okay, kisses tears away, actually looks him in the eye when they make love. That what this is, more than sex, more than a mere physical gratification. Love. Masuda doesn't make it impersonal, doesn’t tell him to get on his stomach or on his hands and knees like an animal. He doesn't tell him, Take it, you slut, or treat him like this is all he's good for. No, he treats Tegoshi like a person, like he has a name and is worth something.
Tegoshi digs his fingers into Masuda's back, scraps lines into his skin. "You love me," he sighs with tears in his eyes.
"Yes."
"Say it again, please."
"I love you, Tesshi." He screams it through the room, Tegoshi feels that familiar wetness inside him. Masuda collapses on top of him, taking deep, loud breaths.
"Massu," Tegoshi rubs his back gently, "I love you more than the world."
He laughs, an awkward combination with his breathing. "Isn't that a little excessive?"
"I don't think so." He lets his arms fall to the side, Masuda climbing off him, kissing Tegoshi's forehead as he gets out of bed. "Hey, Massu."
"Hm?" he turns around, staring at Tegoshi as he throws on a hotel robe.
"Why did your name your son after me?" Masuda smiles, sits on the edge of the bed, falling back to rest his head on Tegoshi's thigh.
"Because I love you, and I wanted to make sure I remembered you everyday."
"Remembered me?"
"I thought we'd lost you completely." He crawls up Tegoshi's body, lays on the pillow beside him. Masuda takes his hand, holding it between them. "Never leave me again, Tesshi." Tegoshi smiles, promises Masuda with a kiss. He runs a thumb over Tegoshi's lower lip. "This smile, I'll do whatever I can to make sure it never goes away."
Tegoshi doesn’t know what he means by that, but he doesn't want to think about it too much either.
++++
Valentine's day. For years, Tegoshi thought it was the most depressing day of the year, all those years he spent loving Masuda in secret. This year, he's surprised that it doesn't bother him. Sure, he'll be spending his day with Yu-chan instead of Masuda, but still, he feels fine. He knows Masuda loves him. For now, that's enough.
He sit on the floor in the living room, surrounded by toys and other baby items. Yu-chan is playing one of those instruments they make for children, Tegoshi makes up a song to go with the broken tune, singing in a loud voice. He laughs when Yu-chan tries to copy him.
"I don't want to look at you right now!" The door slams open, Yukari's loud voice cutting through the room, Yu-chan starts crying from the sound. Tegoshi picks him off the floor, ducks into the kitchen, making soft shh sounds and rocking him gently.
"Yukari, please-"
"How could you do this to me? How could you embarrass us like this?"
"I'm sorry. You here me? I'm so sorry."
"For what? Telling me the truth or having sex with your brother?" Tegoshi's heart drops to his stomach. He falls into a chair, holding Yu-chan's head against his chest in an attempt to block out his parents' voices. "I can't these pictures out of my head!"
"I couldn't keep hiding from you anymore." He can hear Yukari crying while Masuda speaks. "It wasn't fair."
"And this is fair?" It's silent for a moment, no answer from Masuda. "You don't mean fair to me, do you?"
"Yukari-"
"You mean fair to him." Tegoshi hears something soft bang against a wall. "You feel bad about hurting him so you have to hurt me too?"
"I didn't want to hurt you," Masuda's voice is surprisingly soft.
"Then what did you want? To screw poor Yuya because he was willing to do things I wouldn't?"
"It's not about sex."
"Oh, bull-"
"It's love. We're in love with each other."
"You think that makes it better? We're married. You're not supposed to love other people. Especially not your brother. That's just so…"
"Disgusting?" Masuda finishes for her. "You're starting to sound like my parents."
"Your parents-"
"Shut up!" Their voices go quiet when Tegoshi comes back into the living room, stare at him with sad expressions, for different reasons, he's sure. "Yu-chan's crying," he tries to sounds collected and calm, but it comes out shaky. Yukari hurries over to him, takes the child from his arms and disappears down the hall. "Why did you do that?" he asks, meeting Masuda's eyes across the living room.
"Because I love you." He says it matter-of-factly, as if it's such an obvious answer.
Tegoshi rubs a sleeve over his face. "I didn't ask you to do this."
"Tesshi," Masuda takes a steps toward him, stops when Yukari comes back into the room with a bag over her shoulder and Yu-chan in her arms." "Yukari, don't. Please don't take him," he begs, walking toward her.
She grabs the door handle. "I'm spending the night at Sayaka's." She gives Tegoshi an almost disgusted look. "I'll tell her she wasted her time crying over you. When I get back in the morning, I don't want to see you. Either of you."
"Please don't take him from me," Masuda grabs her arm, she pulls it away.
"You should have thought of that before you," she throws a look in Tegoshi's direction, "did something stupid." The leaves the house, slamming the door behind her.
Masuda falls down to the floor, hopelessly saying his sons name. It takes Tegoshi a while to move. For a brief moment, he curses himself, calls himself a home wrecker, but the thought goes away when he looks at Masuda, crying on the floor. Self-pity is, as it sounds, selfish.
He takes a couple steps toward him, kneels down, rubbing his back gently. "You knew this would happen." After all, Yu-chan was the reason it took Masuda this long to come clean. His arms come around Tegoshi's neck, crying against his shoulder. Tegoshi acknowledges that there's a big difference between knowing something will happen and actually being out through it. He whispers It's okay into his ear, even if he's not sure that's true, combing fingers through soft hair.
----------------------------
ugh. this chapter took an afternoon to write, but two days to type up. wtf.
I am so easily distracted :x
and it turned out so long...
but it's almost done now and Cherish is about two steps from finished...
have to go back and reply to comment from last chap XD
author: hika_nishi
pairing: masuda/tegoshi
rating: pg-13 (nc-17 for this chap)
disclaimer: I own the computer I typed this on. That's it.
summary: Something hits him, the fact he already knew that he’d never be wearing this while he waits at the end of an aisle for that person who means most to him in the world.
Previous: 01 02 03 04 05 06 07 08
The sun feels warm against his skin, like he's feeling it for the first time. He can hear Masuda's voice, speaking cheerfully to Yu-chan as he pushes his son in one of those swings for babies. Occasionally, Tegoshi hears Yu-chan laugh, that light kind of laugh that makes people smile. On days like this, he likes to imagine Yu-chan is theirs, his and Masuda's. It's biologically impossible, of course, but it made him happy just to picture it.
He's sitting on one of the benches in the park, head back and eyes closed, when he feels Masuda sit down beside him. "You seem brighter lately, Yuya."
"Brighter?" Tegoshi laughs, moves his head so he can look at Masuda.
"You're you again."
Tegoshi smiles, leans forward with his elbows on his knees. Yu-chan makes a sound from the stroller, looks like he's dozed off. "I still don't think Yukari's all that comfortable with me being around."
"She just," he pauses, like he's looking for the least offensive way to put it, "sees you a little different now."
"Because I'm a slut with a drinking problem," he says it bluntly, without humor or sarcasm.
Masuda smacks his head lightly. "You're not either of those things." Tegoshi gives him a look, wordlessly calling him naïve. "Not anymore, at least." He stands, motions to Tegoshi to follow him. "You went through a nasty phase. But you're doing really well. Seriously, you are." Yu-chan starts crying from the stroller, Tegoshi kneels down beside it, lifting him out and holding him in his arms, speaking in a small, high voice and pouting his lips playfully. He looks at Masuda when he hears him laugh. "You look good holding a baby, Yuya."
"Thanks, daddy," he jokes, makes faces at Yu-chan until the crying stops and he laughs. Tegoshi looks at Masuda with a confident smile as he starts walking again, Masuda rolling the stroller behind him.
"How do you do that?" Masuda asks, falling into step beside Tegoshi. "I always end up walking him around for half an hour at least before he quiets down."
Tegoshi laughs, shrugs his shoulders. "I guess I have a talent. And Yu-chan loves his uncle Yuya," he looks back at the baby, holds up a finger for him to grab, "don't you?"
When he looks up, Masuda is smiling at him. "You'd make a really good dad, Yuya." He smiles softly, but wishes Masuda hasn't said that.
++++
He meets Shige for the first time in months at a little shop near Shige's apartment. "I was starting to think you were dead, or at least skipped town."
Tegoshi looks at him over his milkshake, sucking it up through a straw. "I guess I almost was," he says honestly.
"What the hell were you doing for four months?"
"Drinking, fucking, taking a few drugs."
"You’re such a fucking idiot." Shige give him a light punch to the shoulder. "Don't do it again, Tegoshi. Hell, I'm here, you can always talk things out with me."
"Don't worry," he replies, a smile on his face, appreciated Shige's concern. "Taka's helping me out. He's taking good care of me."
"You're okay being around him and his family. The Tegoshi I knew would cry in a corner or start whining to me if he had to be with them all the time."
"Actually, yeah, I'm okay. I've accepted that he won't leave them for me and I understand." Tegoshi sighs, looking down at the table. "Sometimes, I still want him really bad though."
Shige leans close to him, lowering his voice for some reason, like he's talking about something inappropriate. "Have you two talked about, whatever went on between you? Because you really should."
"It's come up. I guess." Tegoshi bites his lip, he can't honestly remember if they've talked through anything. More like vague mentions and non-specific inferences.
"You haven't been…" Shige lets his voice trail off.
"No," his voice is firm. "And I'm insulted by the suggestion that I can't keep my pants on around him."
One of Shige's eyebrows raises up. "Do you kiss each other and thing like that?"
Tegoshi goes back to his milkshake, avoiding Shige's eyes. "Sometimes."
"You two," Shige shakes his head, sipping his coffee. "You're going to end up back in bed again, I know it."
"If we haven't yet, I really don't think-"
"A year ago, you couldn't keep your hands off each other."
"And look where that got me," Tegoshi mumbles, not really caring whether or not Shige heard.
"You're still in love." Tegoshi doesn't respond to that, wraps his lips around his straw. "I'm not saying I like it or it's a good idea, but if you still love each other and you're making out with him-"
"We're not making out." Shige throws him a look. "Not really."
"One day, Massu's going to come back to you and - I know you, Tegoshi - you not going to resist him. I'm just warning you."
It's quiet for a while, Tegoshi trying to avoid Shige's knowing looks. "Takahisa loves his family."
"And he loves you."
"Are you fucking Kei-chan yet?" Tegoshi changes the subject suddenly, laughs when Shige starts stuttering over nonsense words.
++++
What Shige said he tries to forget, tries to ignore, but he can't help thinking about it. About Masuda and his lips and his skin. Sometimes it happens at unfortunate times, like when he's sitting in the living room with Masuda and Yukari and their child. He has to shift his legs to hide the arousal he gets from his own thoughts. It drives him crazy.
When Yukari goes shopping one day, Tegoshi decides to try his luck. If Masuda turns him down, well, he's ready for that. It's a purely physical desire, not some emotional fulfillment. That's what he tells himself.
He tries to think of the best way to go about this, settles for the most forward approach. Masuda is in the kitchen, putting something together for lunch. Tegoshi comes up behind him, arms finding their way around his waist, hands running up his chest. "Yuya, what are you doing?" he asks with a touch of laughter. The amusement dies when Tegoshi runs his tongue along his neck, nibbles at Masuda's earlobe. "Yuya," his voice trembles a bit.
"Massu," he whispers in Masuda's ear, breathy, attempting to be seductive. "I want you so much, Massu." Tegoshi lets one of his hands fall below Masuda's waist, squeezing him through his pants. "I'll give myself to you if you want me."
"Yuya," Masuda tries again to speak, Tegoshi's name coming out more like a moan. He swats Tegoshi's hand away, giving him a serious look. "Don't talk like that, it sounds…dirty."
"Please, Massu," Tegoshi squeezes his arm. "It's just sex. I just want to feel you."
"There's no such thing as just sex." He places a kiss on the side of Tegoshi's face, expression saying he doesn't think he should have done that. "You really screwed yourself up, didn't you." Tegoshi tilts his head to the side, looks at him like he doesn't have a complete understanding of what he's saying. "It's about love, Yuya."
"You could just say no, you don't have to insult me." He pouts his lips, heads out of the kitchen.
"Tesshi." The name makes him stop, turn on his heel in time to feel Masuda's hand on his cheek, lips pressing against his own. Masuda bites down on Tegoshi's bottom lip, tug on it as he pulls away. "I don't want to hurt you."
Tegoshi smiles at him, soft and sweet. "You’re not."
++++
"I hate Valentine's day," Tegoshi mumbles as they walk by another store window decorated with hearts and flowers and arrow wielding babies, in pink and red. "Why do you people need a day to remind people like me that we're alone?"
"You're not alone," Masuda laughs, brushing their hands together. Tegoshi knows he did it on purpose. "But, hey, you're lucky. No one is expecting chocolates and flowers from you."
"You should get me something, too." Masuda stops walking, looks at Tegoshi with slightly widened eyes. "We're kind of a pseudo-couple, aren't we?"
"Yuya," Masuda starts while Tegoshi keeps moving, expecting him to catch up, but he doesn't. "Tesshi." He turns around, the smile on his face becoming slightly less apparent. "I don't want that."
"I was kidding," he says with a giggle. "I don't need anything."
"No, I mean," he reaches out for Tegoshi's hand, grips it tightly, "I don't want to be a fake couple."
++++
Tegoshi falls back in a sofa against the wall in the hotel suite Masuda rented. He looks around, trying to focus on décor and layout instead of his inexplicably pounding heartbeat, tapping his hands on the cushions as the butterflies form in his stomach. Butterflies, how pathetic.
"Something you said the other day has really been bothering me, Tesshi," Masuda says from the counter, pouring himself a glass of wine from a bottle he picked up in the shop downstairs. He called him Tesshi, the implications of that name send a shiver up his spine. "Did anyone you were with, touch you like they loved you?"
"Mm?" He stares at Masuda while he swallows down his drink, Adam's apple bobbing up and down. He doesn't offer any to Tegoshi, but that's not really surprising.
He puts the glass down on the counter. "Do you know what it's supposed to feel like anymore? Love, I mean?"
Tegoshi laughs because it seems like such a stupid question, but he stops when Masuda kneels on the floor, between his knees, kisses the back of his hand. "I- I guess I don't." He reaches out, just to touch Masuda's face and hair, make sure this isn't some cruel dream. He's has plenty of those before. "Show me, Massu. Show me how it feels."
Masuda gets to his feet, takes a seat beside Tegoshi on the sofa, runs fingers through his hair gently, pulling his head closer and kissing his lips softly. He's kissed Masuda dozens of times, but somehow, this gives him a different feeling, almost electrifying if that made any sense. He buries his fingers in Masuda's shirt, sighing as Masuda pokes his tongue against his lips. He slides it between them, licking Tegoshi's teeth.
He feels Masuda tug up on his arm, wrap his arms around his waist as they stand. Tegoshi steps backwards until his legs hit the edge of the large bed on the other side of the room, mouths locked like puzzle pieces that fit together. Masuda lifts him slightly and lowers him onto the bed with the kind of care one would use with an infant. He peels off Tegoshi's clothes, then his own, placing kisses on his stomach, hips, and knees, every movement possessing a gentleness that feels almost foreign.
His nails dig into Masuda's skin, something Tegoshi had consciously avoided doing previously, worrying Yukari would see the marks later. That didn't cross his mind now, though. Tegoshi's back arches, Masuda's fingers curled inside him, whimpering sounds escaping his lips. "Massu, I want to touch you."
"Like this?" he asks, moving his hand.
"Yes," Tegoshi moans, head falling back.
Masuda kisses his forehead, his nose, his lips, lays on his back, his breath hitching when Tegoshi slides a finger inside him, kissing those soft lips as he does.
"What do you want, Tesshi?" he groans as Tegoshi inserts another finger. "Anything you want," Masuda nuzzles his cheek against Tegoshi's, "tell me."
He hesitates for a moment before removing his fingers and scooting up until his back is resting against the head board. "Ride me, Massu." He's almost embarrassed when the words come out of his mouth because it feels like such a dirty thing to say. Masuda doesn't seem opposed to it, though, crawling into Tegoshi's lap.
"I love you, Tesshi," he whispers against his ear as he lowers himself onto Tegoshi. "Oh god, I love you." Maybe for the first time, Tegoshi truly and fully believes him. Masuda takes deep, shaky breaths, Tegoshi puts hands behind his back, feels his body trembling.
"Are you okay?" Masuda nods, takes a few seconds to get used to the feeling, hands tight around Tegoshi's arms. "You sure?" He rolls his hips to answer, the feeling makes Tegoshi moan and toss his head back as Masuda starts to ride him. "It feels so good. Massu feels so good."
"So do you," he pants in response, Tegoshi's lips brushing over the hallow of his throat, tongue licking up beads of sweat that run down his neck. It feels amazing, and if Masuda ever lets him do it again - No. For the sake of his own sanity, he has to think of this as the last time.
"Massu," Tegoshi's voice trembles, his stomach tightening as Masuda takes him in and out of his body. He presses his face into the crook of Masuda's neck, whimpering against it.
He feels Masuda's lips against his hair. "Let go," he whispers. shrugging Tegoshi's head off his shoulder and pressing their foreheads together. He does as Masuda says, biting his lip to hold back a scream.
Masuda lifts himself off him, gives Tegoshi space to slide down, collapsing breathless onto the pillows. He feels Masuda kiss his heaving chest, hard cock brushing against his leg. Tegoshi spreads his thighs for him, unable to speak, but wanting to tell Masuda what he wants. He reaches out, finding Masuda's hand, linking their fingers together.
Through heavy breaths, Tegoshi tries to say, "I love you," but it's silent. Masuda still smiles as if he heard it. He holds Tegoshi's face in his hands, kissed his lips, deep and loving, as he pushes inside, burying himself in completely, coaxing a long, pleasured moan out of Tegoshi.
"I didn't think you'd still be this tight," he says as he pulls out slowly, pausing before he slams back into him, all previous attempts to be gentle and soft apparently thrown out the window. Tegoshi doesn't complain, though. How could he, really.
It's completely different with Masuda than anyone else he remembers being with. He asks if Tegoshi's okay, kisses tears away, actually looks him in the eye when they make love. That what this is, more than sex, more than a mere physical gratification. Love. Masuda doesn't make it impersonal, doesn’t tell him to get on his stomach or on his hands and knees like an animal. He doesn't tell him, Take it, you slut, or treat him like this is all he's good for. No, he treats Tegoshi like a person, like he has a name and is worth something.
Tegoshi digs his fingers into Masuda's back, scraps lines into his skin. "You love me," he sighs with tears in his eyes.
"Yes."
"Say it again, please."
"I love you, Tesshi." He screams it through the room, Tegoshi feels that familiar wetness inside him. Masuda collapses on top of him, taking deep, loud breaths.
"Massu," Tegoshi rubs his back gently, "I love you more than the world."
He laughs, an awkward combination with his breathing. "Isn't that a little excessive?"
"I don't think so." He lets his arms fall to the side, Masuda climbing off him, kissing Tegoshi's forehead as he gets out of bed. "Hey, Massu."
"Hm?" he turns around, staring at Tegoshi as he throws on a hotel robe.
"Why did your name your son after me?" Masuda smiles, sits on the edge of the bed, falling back to rest his head on Tegoshi's thigh.
"Because I love you, and I wanted to make sure I remembered you everyday."
"Remembered me?"
"I thought we'd lost you completely." He crawls up Tegoshi's body, lays on the pillow beside him. Masuda takes his hand, holding it between them. "Never leave me again, Tesshi." Tegoshi smiles, promises Masuda with a kiss. He runs a thumb over Tegoshi's lower lip. "This smile, I'll do whatever I can to make sure it never goes away."
Tegoshi doesn’t know what he means by that, but he doesn't want to think about it too much either.
++++
Valentine's day. For years, Tegoshi thought it was the most depressing day of the year, all those years he spent loving Masuda in secret. This year, he's surprised that it doesn't bother him. Sure, he'll be spending his day with Yu-chan instead of Masuda, but still, he feels fine. He knows Masuda loves him. For now, that's enough.
He sit on the floor in the living room, surrounded by toys and other baby items. Yu-chan is playing one of those instruments they make for children, Tegoshi makes up a song to go with the broken tune, singing in a loud voice. He laughs when Yu-chan tries to copy him.
"I don't want to look at you right now!" The door slams open, Yukari's loud voice cutting through the room, Yu-chan starts crying from the sound. Tegoshi picks him off the floor, ducks into the kitchen, making soft shh sounds and rocking him gently.
"Yukari, please-"
"How could you do this to me? How could you embarrass us like this?"
"I'm sorry. You here me? I'm so sorry."
"For what? Telling me the truth or having sex with your brother?" Tegoshi's heart drops to his stomach. He falls into a chair, holding Yu-chan's head against his chest in an attempt to block out his parents' voices. "I can't these pictures out of my head!"
"I couldn't keep hiding from you anymore." He can hear Yukari crying while Masuda speaks. "It wasn't fair."
"And this is fair?" It's silent for a moment, no answer from Masuda. "You don't mean fair to me, do you?"
"Yukari-"
"You mean fair to him." Tegoshi hears something soft bang against a wall. "You feel bad about hurting him so you have to hurt me too?"
"I didn't want to hurt you," Masuda's voice is surprisingly soft.
"Then what did you want? To screw poor Yuya because he was willing to do things I wouldn't?"
"It's not about sex."
"Oh, bull-"
"It's love. We're in love with each other."
"You think that makes it better? We're married. You're not supposed to love other people. Especially not your brother. That's just so…"
"Disgusting?" Masuda finishes for her. "You're starting to sound like my parents."
"Your parents-"
"Shut up!" Their voices go quiet when Tegoshi comes back into the living room, stare at him with sad expressions, for different reasons, he's sure. "Yu-chan's crying," he tries to sounds collected and calm, but it comes out shaky. Yukari hurries over to him, takes the child from his arms and disappears down the hall. "Why did you do that?" he asks, meeting Masuda's eyes across the living room.
"Because I love you." He says it matter-of-factly, as if it's such an obvious answer.
Tegoshi rubs a sleeve over his face. "I didn't ask you to do this."
"Tesshi," Masuda takes a steps toward him, stops when Yukari comes back into the room with a bag over her shoulder and Yu-chan in her arms." "Yukari, don't. Please don't take him," he begs, walking toward her.
She grabs the door handle. "I'm spending the night at Sayaka's." She gives Tegoshi an almost disgusted look. "I'll tell her she wasted her time crying over you. When I get back in the morning, I don't want to see you. Either of you."
"Please don't take him from me," Masuda grabs her arm, she pulls it away.
"You should have thought of that before you," she throws a look in Tegoshi's direction, "did something stupid." The leaves the house, slamming the door behind her.
Masuda falls down to the floor, hopelessly saying his sons name. It takes Tegoshi a while to move. For a brief moment, he curses himself, calls himself a home wrecker, but the thought goes away when he looks at Masuda, crying on the floor. Self-pity is, as it sounds, selfish.
He takes a couple steps toward him, kneels down, rubbing his back gently. "You knew this would happen." After all, Yu-chan was the reason it took Masuda this long to come clean. His arms come around Tegoshi's neck, crying against his shoulder. Tegoshi acknowledges that there's a big difference between knowing something will happen and actually being out through it. He whispers It's okay into his ear, even if he's not sure that's true, combing fingers through soft hair.
----------------------------
ugh. this chapter took an afternoon to write, but two days to type up. wtf.
I am so easily distracted :x
and it turned out so long...
but it's almost done now and Cherish is about two steps from finished...
have to go back and reply to comment from last chap XD