(no subject)
Perhaps to balance out the raw emotionality of the last post (though i still stand by it) i have a more practical yet equally introspective post:
i've thought a lot about guys lately, maybe because i haven't really dated anyone in what seems to me like a while (almost 2 years) and i've come up with a few conclusions:
1) in many ways i don't even want to be in love or in a relationship... i just want to be desired. i think the hottest scenes on tv or in movies, or the ones i most envy, are ones where men are overcome with desire for women. i mean it's mostly sexual, but i don't need it to be-- i just want to feel like there's someone out there who thinks i'm so cool they'd do anything to be with me. i think a lot of women feel this way, and it explains why a lot of women will enter into relationships with guys they don't even really like that much or whatever, but it feels good to be wanted, it's like validating.
2) i've been thinking along a line of thought lately which goes like this: "Is it possible to have a crush on someone and yet not want to date them OR hook up with them?" Cause i've had some crushes like that recently. I've also decided I'm not going to have sex (of any kind, use your imagination to catch my drift) with someone I'm not married to. I also used to think that I wasn't going to kiss or be romantically involved with someone I wasn't dating. It was all kinda complicated. But I realized today that all these different things-- the weird crushes, all the rules, etc were (for the most part, not the no sex before marriage part) were all based on old assumptions about how dating should be... and it's never worked out so well for me. So I've come to a new decision! This might seem like an anticlimax, but I've decided that when I like (or even think i might like, or have a crush where i don't want to date them or hook up with them) someone, I will not ask them on a date, persay, but just start hanging out with them more, no romantic pressure.
This may seem elementary to you, but to me, it's a total paradigm shift. I'm totally psyched, too, cause it means I can pursue anybody and just not be so uptight about it. And if it doesn't work out, we stay friends. So easy. Yay! It makes things easier with all my complicated feelings, too, cause it gives me time to sort them out. Whew.
i've thought a lot about guys lately, maybe because i haven't really dated anyone in what seems to me like a while (almost 2 years) and i've come up with a few conclusions:
1) in many ways i don't even want to be in love or in a relationship... i just want to be desired. i think the hottest scenes on tv or in movies, or the ones i most envy, are ones where men are overcome with desire for women. i mean it's mostly sexual, but i don't need it to be-- i just want to feel like there's someone out there who thinks i'm so cool they'd do anything to be with me. i think a lot of women feel this way, and it explains why a lot of women will enter into relationships with guys they don't even really like that much or whatever, but it feels good to be wanted, it's like validating.
2) i've been thinking along a line of thought lately which goes like this: "Is it possible to have a crush on someone and yet not want to date them OR hook up with them?" Cause i've had some crushes like that recently. I've also decided I'm not going to have sex (of any kind, use your imagination to catch my drift) with someone I'm not married to. I also used to think that I wasn't going to kiss or be romantically involved with someone I wasn't dating. It was all kinda complicated. But I realized today that all these different things-- the weird crushes, all the rules, etc were (for the most part, not the no sex before marriage part) were all based on old assumptions about how dating should be... and it's never worked out so well for me. So I've come to a new decision! This might seem like an anticlimax, but I've decided that when I like (or even think i might like, or have a crush where i don't want to date them or hook up with them) someone, I will not ask them on a date, persay, but just start hanging out with them more, no romantic pressure.
This may seem elementary to you, but to me, it's a total paradigm shift. I'm totally psyched, too, cause it means I can pursue anybody and just not be so uptight about it. And if it doesn't work out, we stay friends. So easy. Yay! It makes things easier with all my complicated feelings, too, cause it gives me time to sort them out. Whew.