(no subject)
so i've been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially over spring break, which is never a good thing. before i started at tech, i thought i had everything figured out, as far as what i wanted to do. i would do rotc and then, after i graduated, hopefully go to law school and be a jag for the air force. if i couldn't do that, i'd do whatever the air force wanted me to do for four years, then make a decision as to whether i continued or left the air force and went to law school and became a lawyer in the civilian world. and that's what i wanted to do, no questions asked. i was looking forward to all of it. then, i started at tech. for a while, i wasn't sure about the air force, and whether or not it was what i wanted to do. after a while, i was able to convince myself that i wanted to do the air force. i don't know that i really wanted to do it, or if i just convinced myself that i wanted to. more recently, i'm starting to think that maybe i don't really even want to do the air force anymore. i've always wanted to be a lawyer, but now i'm not even sure what i want to do with my life. yeah, being a lawyer would be fun, i enjoy logic and things like that that make me think, especially thinking outside the box and in new ways, but there's this voice in the back of my head that keeps asking if that's really what i want to do or not. i don't have any other things that i can think of that i would do instead, but there's this little voice asking me if i really want to do the air force and if i really want to be a lawyer. part of the problem i'm facing, however, is that there isn't any real way for me to get out of the air force before the end of my four years, without incurring some sort of penalty, either having to repay the money from my scholarhip, a rather large amount, or enlisting in the air force for a short time. right now i'm mentally and emotionally drained. and this break, rather than helping things by letting me relax has made it worse. so here i am, stuck here in this rut, unable to get out, with no sign of an end.