i wish i was stronger.. i wish i could feel no pain
there are many things i dont understand about the world, and about my life. i dont understand how im the only person living my life, and yet everything is so far beyond my control lately. i dont understand how people, much less, 'family' can be so cruel to one another, i dont understand why i get headaches when i go to places in high altitudes, i dont understand how people can be so oblivious to your feelings when you might as well have them written on your forehead, i dont understand how as a child everything was so simple, and innocent, and as you get older you loose more and more faith in people who claim they'll always be there, i dont understand why people cant just let other people be happy and not intentionally do things to fuck up other peoples lives, i dont understand why the little red light pops up on my fone whenever i call my voicemail, i dont understand how i can be so selfish about certain problems in my life and fail to notice things around me that are so much more important, i dont understand why i cant just be happy for longer then a few weeks without something fucking everything up, i dont understand why everything reminds me of him, i dont understand why no one understands, and why everything has to be so complicated. i dont understand why the one person i want to be with more then anything, is the person i simply cant be with, i dont understand myself, i dont understand my feelings, and i dont understand what goes on around me. i do, however, understand that shit happens, and things change people, and certain situations will change your life dramatically, and i understand that most of the time, i just wont understand. atleast i understand that.
oh and i understand that the few people i can trust, and that i love in my life, are what keep me going. i owe them the world.
we wont talk about the things we used to talk about
we wont act the way we used to act around eachother
you wont remember the way you used to feel about me
i wont tell you the way i still feel about you
you will act like we were never more than friends
i will feel like i dreampt it up in my head
youll move on and find someone new
ill hope for the day when i wont need you
we wont talk about why things didnt work out
and maybe, we just wont talk at all
akward silences
full of tension
full of heartbreak
full of the words you never said
akward silences
full of noise
full of confusion
full of the words i never said
akward silences
full of yearning
full of emptiness
full of the 'nothings' we always said
dont worry about
what you should have said
what you could have said
what we could have been
what we should have been
dont worry about anything
because its too late
too late to save us now
ps- sorry all i have to offer is depressing crap. i dont see livejournal as having any other purpose then letting me vent? okay, im done.