(no subject)
i can tell i have a mental disease, because when i look in the mirror sometimes i can tell that i am gaunt and my eyes are sunken.... i don't look healthy and i don't look as attractive as i once was.
i can even see it in people's eyes as they pass me. i can see that they know something is wrong, i am too thin, and i don't get the appreciative glances of being "checked out" anymore. i get glances of confusion or concern.
and even though i know i am less attractive, i can't make myself eat. i can't force myself to cook with oil or order meals with cheese.
it's sick. it's no even about my appearance anymore.
and i know my boyfriend is scared for me.
i went to a huge sale at the gap yesterday and tried on size 0 pants. they fit. i was a size 4 in january.
and after everything i just wrote, i have to admit... being a size 0 was one of the coolest things in the world.
i can even see it in people's eyes as they pass me. i can see that they know something is wrong, i am too thin, and i don't get the appreciative glances of being "checked out" anymore. i get glances of confusion or concern.
and even though i know i am less attractive, i can't make myself eat. i can't force myself to cook with oil or order meals with cheese.
it's sick. it's no even about my appearance anymore.
and i know my boyfriend is scared for me.
i went to a huge sale at the gap yesterday and tried on size 0 pants. they fit. i was a size 4 in january.
and after everything i just wrote, i have to admit... being a size 0 was one of the coolest things in the world.