(no subject)
when I was a kid I had a sexual awakening to a JuicyFruit commercial
there was a girl in it in a leopard print one piece swimsuit
and I understood intrinsically that she was attractive and that I desired her
but I hadn't hit puberty, and didn't understand her, or how she related to me in a sexual or even romantic context
I thought that somehow gum was related, since she was advertising me gum
keep in mind I'm a child and very stupid
so I spent hours that day thinking about her
fantasizing about her
except rather than being intimate in a traditional sense, without any knowledge of how it worked
I imagined swallowing her, like I could swallow a piece of gum
not chewing her, which felt like it would be violent and dangerous
but that she would slide into my mouth
slide into it like a waterslide
a form of penetration, I guess
but totally nonsensical and impossible
anyway, that's when I realized I wasn't gay
there was a girl in it in a leopard print one piece swimsuit
and I understood intrinsically that she was attractive and that I desired her
but I hadn't hit puberty, and didn't understand her, or how she related to me in a sexual or even romantic context
I thought that somehow gum was related, since she was advertising me gum
keep in mind I'm a child and very stupid
so I spent hours that day thinking about her
fantasizing about her
except rather than being intimate in a traditional sense, without any knowledge of how it worked
I imagined swallowing her, like I could swallow a piece of gum
not chewing her, which felt like it would be violent and dangerous
but that she would slide into my mouth
slide into it like a waterslide
a form of penetration, I guess
but totally nonsensical and impossible
anyway, that's when I realized I wasn't gay