hilary pt. 4
she forgave me for the night the very next day. she yelled and cursed at me via text, but a gentle, subtle apology, blames shifted to alcohol and "hey you were both sort of coming onto me anyway" bullshit excuses assuaged her over the course of my shift at the bookstore while I texted her. she was always very forgiving of atrocious behaviour, provided she liked you. the sister's been cold ever since, rebuffing my infrequent attempts at interaction. it still remains to be seen what would happen if the scenario played out all over again, if she'd keep up her refrain of not being interested when clearly in the moment she was, but I stand as one of the few that didn't fuck hilary over for fucking her when she made herself available to them. I've only seen the sister in brief, and in public spaces. the world is full of possibilities.
but hilary, she was never really out of my life after that one last hiccup, which we were laughing about in short time. we still did not see each other much, but always kept in touch. early the next year, I was housesitting for my parents a few hours west in their retirement home in the mountains, and convinced her to drive the three hours to spend a few days with me. she drove a mercedes, and she was building herself into a respected photographer artist type. I was still very much in love with myself and my shitting twenty something behaviour, the near anonymous sex, the drinking, the drug use, the senseless acts of meanness, aggression, destruction. boundary pushing and line stepping and torrents of boisterous alienation. my suspicion and misanthropy had never left me, but now I felt strong and powerful in my body, and could posess those I wanted for a short time at least. often I told myself, that was enough. and only some long nights and hungover mornings did I ever relent and ask myself the big questions.
she came in the afternoon, I had to direct her on her cellphone the whole way, as this was a bit too early for gps and smartphones. she had an artisitic mind and temperment, and would mishear you and misremember and flat out forget where she was. eventually she arrived, and decompressed from the journey with some food and trash tv. as the evening came on she sat on my lap in an easy chair, and we held and kissed each other. it was better now, as it should be with age and experience. not the upper eschelon of experience but still good. her face, her hair, her body, much the same. beautiful and serene, belying the feminine turmoil always beneath. I wanted her. it had been years at this point, since she was an unrefined teenager managing thru mostly moxie to get me to orgasm. it started to rain. I told her about the hot tub my parents had installed the previous year. a hot tub is a rare and wonderful thing in the mountains in the spring during a cool rainfall. she agreed to try it out, and in a moment was out of my arms and out the back door. I took some time walking through the house with the lights out, listening to the hum as she turned on the jets on the back patio. I stripped to my black underpants, and brought us two beers. she was already submerged to her neck, reclining. I asked if she had skinny dipped, and she told me yes. I took that as all the sign I needed, and slipped the last of my clothes off as I climbed in. I was already hard, though it was too dark for us to see each other without any moon or starlight. we relaxed some minutes, sipping cold beers while cool rain fell on our extremities. then she was on top of me, and we kissed. I turned on the underwater lights, and at last we could see each others bodies. I stood on the seat of the tub, so I was out of the water down to my knees, and her eyes lept at the sight of me engorged. "YES" she whisper shouted, and was working me in her mouth straight away, impervious to the taste of chlorine on me. I sat on the edge of the tub for some minutes stroking her hair, feeling the rain on my steaming body, marvelling in how much she'd improved her craft in a few years. then as chill took me a dropped back into the water to my shoulders, and she climbed on me. we had been working our way for years to that point, and we didn't even discuss it, didn't seem to be prepared for it. she raised herself onto me, and in a moment I was inside her in the water. she bounced slowly, deliberately, the buoyancy of the water making the movement so fluid. the intensity is hard to describe. the moment thundered in my mind, I had never been forced to wait so long. and what's more, she was tight and marvelously skilled. the water was an added asset, as it dispersed natural juices and increased the friction tenfold. I already felt myself close and she moaned and held my neck.
In another moment she was off me without explanation. maybe it had felt too good to her too, or not good enough. maybe the friction I was loving was hurting her insides, or the chlorinated water. maybe the lack of a condom suddenly scared her. maybe it was just too much, or she wanted to hold on to the precious abililty to cocktease me some time longer. maybe she just didnt' want us to go to the top of the mountain until later in the night. all should be careful in their assumptions. I wasn't mad, and in another instant I'd have filled her with aborted children besides, but I was privately confused. after we got out of the hot tub, we took a shower together to wash the water off. it was a small white standing shower, and she grabbed my lathered dick and stroked me while she smiled and laughed. her deep voice more sensuous than ever. but that was the end of the fun stuff, and we got into an arguement later in the night when we'd been drinking. she had a tendancy to come to conclusions about me and tell me so. she liked deconstructing me. sometimes it was wildly offbase, other times frighteningly near the mark. I tried to never let her know where she was with it all. I don't remember what it was this time, but I yelled at her, and she at me, and she packed her things and stormed to her car like she had the summer before in boston when she'd caught me butt handed. this time I didn't let myself suffer the same fate, and I got in her car with her and apologized, talked her down. she stayed the night, and we lay together tangled in a twin bed. we fooled around some in the morning, but she left without fully giving her body to me again. the dance would continue, and I'd have to wait another year.
but hilary, she was never really out of my life after that one last hiccup, which we were laughing about in short time. we still did not see each other much, but always kept in touch. early the next year, I was housesitting for my parents a few hours west in their retirement home in the mountains, and convinced her to drive the three hours to spend a few days with me. she drove a mercedes, and she was building herself into a respected photographer artist type. I was still very much in love with myself and my shitting twenty something behaviour, the near anonymous sex, the drinking, the drug use, the senseless acts of meanness, aggression, destruction. boundary pushing and line stepping and torrents of boisterous alienation. my suspicion and misanthropy had never left me, but now I felt strong and powerful in my body, and could posess those I wanted for a short time at least. often I told myself, that was enough. and only some long nights and hungover mornings did I ever relent and ask myself the big questions.
she came in the afternoon, I had to direct her on her cellphone the whole way, as this was a bit too early for gps and smartphones. she had an artisitic mind and temperment, and would mishear you and misremember and flat out forget where she was. eventually she arrived, and decompressed from the journey with some food and trash tv. as the evening came on she sat on my lap in an easy chair, and we held and kissed each other. it was better now, as it should be with age and experience. not the upper eschelon of experience but still good. her face, her hair, her body, much the same. beautiful and serene, belying the feminine turmoil always beneath. I wanted her. it had been years at this point, since she was an unrefined teenager managing thru mostly moxie to get me to orgasm. it started to rain. I told her about the hot tub my parents had installed the previous year. a hot tub is a rare and wonderful thing in the mountains in the spring during a cool rainfall. she agreed to try it out, and in a moment was out of my arms and out the back door. I took some time walking through the house with the lights out, listening to the hum as she turned on the jets on the back patio. I stripped to my black underpants, and brought us two beers. she was already submerged to her neck, reclining. I asked if she had skinny dipped, and she told me yes. I took that as all the sign I needed, and slipped the last of my clothes off as I climbed in. I was already hard, though it was too dark for us to see each other without any moon or starlight. we relaxed some minutes, sipping cold beers while cool rain fell on our extremities. then she was on top of me, and we kissed. I turned on the underwater lights, and at last we could see each others bodies. I stood on the seat of the tub, so I was out of the water down to my knees, and her eyes lept at the sight of me engorged. "YES" she whisper shouted, and was working me in her mouth straight away, impervious to the taste of chlorine on me. I sat on the edge of the tub for some minutes stroking her hair, feeling the rain on my steaming body, marvelling in how much she'd improved her craft in a few years. then as chill took me a dropped back into the water to my shoulders, and she climbed on me. we had been working our way for years to that point, and we didn't even discuss it, didn't seem to be prepared for it. she raised herself onto me, and in a moment I was inside her in the water. she bounced slowly, deliberately, the buoyancy of the water making the movement so fluid. the intensity is hard to describe. the moment thundered in my mind, I had never been forced to wait so long. and what's more, she was tight and marvelously skilled. the water was an added asset, as it dispersed natural juices and increased the friction tenfold. I already felt myself close and she moaned and held my neck.
In another moment she was off me without explanation. maybe it had felt too good to her too, or not good enough. maybe the friction I was loving was hurting her insides, or the chlorinated water. maybe the lack of a condom suddenly scared her. maybe it was just too much, or she wanted to hold on to the precious abililty to cocktease me some time longer. maybe she just didnt' want us to go to the top of the mountain until later in the night. all should be careful in their assumptions. I wasn't mad, and in another instant I'd have filled her with aborted children besides, but I was privately confused. after we got out of the hot tub, we took a shower together to wash the water off. it was a small white standing shower, and she grabbed my lathered dick and stroked me while she smiled and laughed. her deep voice more sensuous than ever. but that was the end of the fun stuff, and we got into an arguement later in the night when we'd been drinking. she had a tendancy to come to conclusions about me and tell me so. she liked deconstructing me. sometimes it was wildly offbase, other times frighteningly near the mark. I tried to never let her know where she was with it all. I don't remember what it was this time, but I yelled at her, and she at me, and she packed her things and stormed to her car like she had the summer before in boston when she'd caught me butt handed. this time I didn't let myself suffer the same fate, and I got in her car with her and apologized, talked her down. she stayed the night, and we lay together tangled in a twin bed. we fooled around some in the morning, but she left without fully giving her body to me again. the dance would continue, and I'd have to wait another year.