i'm ok, most of the time....i just feel a little lonely tonight
tonight, at the very tail-end of practice, mo and shannon were like, "want to do a mini-jam and we'll block against you?" and i was game. all went well, until i tried to take the easy road around mo and she shoulder blocked me into being totally airborn. the landing? straight down on my tailbone. i saw stars and curled up on my side trying to not cry in pain as a ton of girls rushed over to try to help. i tried to not cry and just asked to be given a minute. eventually, i took it slow and skated off the rink, but GODDAMN- that fucking hurt. i literally thought that my derby career was totally over. having a bad back is not an asset here...and i wasn't sure if i had done a ton of damage.
i have an icepack on it now, but i am in MEGA PAIN. i can tell it's not my discs, though, so i know it'll be ok. i'm just bruised.
it's lame, i feel like a total asshole. had i just barrelled through them i would be ok, instead, i wimped out and got hurt because of it. not only that, but i handled it like a total fucking pussy. (god i hate that word!!!) i never cry because of pain. it's probably stupid for me to approach things that way, but my ability to handle things is unprecendented. i got feet of scars cut with a stone-cold expression. i've been through unbelievable things, physically, without so much a shrug. and the one time i take a bad fall i'm almost crying.
damnit.
next week we're going to be on a morning news show and i'm one of the stronger skaters who was asked especially to participate. how fucking lame is this that i am now in hell ??? i hope to god it's minor and i'll be fine by then. we had a speed skater coach us tonight and he complimented my form. then, i busted my ass - literally.
if anyone has painkillers, i'm paying top-dollar. as it is, this desperation white wine blows.
i have an icepack on it now, but i am in MEGA PAIN. i can tell it's not my discs, though, so i know it'll be ok. i'm just bruised.
it's lame, i feel like a total asshole. had i just barrelled through them i would be ok, instead, i wimped out and got hurt because of it. not only that, but i handled it like a total fucking pussy. (god i hate that word!!!) i never cry because of pain. it's probably stupid for me to approach things that way, but my ability to handle things is unprecendented. i got feet of scars cut with a stone-cold expression. i've been through unbelievable things, physically, without so much a shrug. and the one time i take a bad fall i'm almost crying.
damnit.
next week we're going to be on a morning news show and i'm one of the stronger skaters who was asked especially to participate. how fucking lame is this that i am now in hell ??? i hope to god it's minor and i'll be fine by then. we had a speed skater coach us tonight and he complimented my form. then, i busted my ass - literally.
if anyone has painkillers, i'm paying top-dollar. as it is, this desperation white wine blows.